Hi, people thank you for reading this.
I all starts of when she was around 12 her parents divorced and one thing led to another she got knocked up by some mistake at 16 and had an abortion. She left for Australia at 17 came back around 19.More or less had bad relationships, bumped from one guy to the next till around 22.
She was finally single for 8 months after 3 years of bad relationships.
I know this because at that time we used to see each other around, I was in a long term relationship with someone else.
I met her and got to really know her 7 months ago. At first she seemed like this all happening person with who always seems to seize every moment. That was how she potrayed herself to be. She's done this, been there, whatever you say she's done or have been involve in. It was all A BIG BUNCH OF LIES.
Slowly but surely the truth always comes up and out comes this irresponsible,
dependent, shallow little spoiled brat. She had no self-motivation, she depends on everyone, even to clean up her own room. She has no -consideration for other people's surroundings.( I work in bar and my co-worker's the cleaner, she would smoke in the area's which are out of bounds and throw ash around knowking the fact that will create and extra workload)
Everything's has or got to be something to do with her.. The problem is,
I'm in love with her. I don't know if it's a problem or not, but i'm in love with that person whom I believed her to be...
There are traits of her which shows me that she cares for me, like packing my food before i go home.(I live alone) Or cooking for me when i come over, but she has so much potential to do so many things for herself and she doesn't. I've talked to her nicely, argued with her about getting things done for herself but it only seems to get into her head for a while...
I do not want to say that I'm giving up on her which I'm not, but I do not know what to do. Worse of all, I really don't know if she really loves ME or the idea of Me.. I feel so unappreciated sometimes..
This is me, I'm the one always telling her I love you then she reciprocates, I always give her roses for no reasons at all because I love her, I want her to know that she's special. If i can't afford, I make her paper roses.(Learned it of the web) She always so beautiful to me, even if she's not putting up make-up or wearing glasses. I've given her a part of myself that I've never given anyone, not even myself. My faith and trust. Yet, I never seemed to feel that she really likes or appreciates my gestures. The 1st gift I gave her was Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom which turn my ideals around. That was 7 months ago, until now she has not even finish reading it. Not because she doesn't have the time but because she can't be bothered to. She rather watch her shows than do something productive for herself. She has to have a maid to come and give her her food in bed. I'm trying to get her to be more motivated.. to be more independent.. not for me but for herself...
I've had a ****tup childhood(One home to another,parents divorced, problems living with my control freak mother and I've been in prison) I'm not ashamed of it, because it made me the person that I am today. If i had not gone through this experiences, I probably be dead or just a miserable person living in a shell of a body.
This girl, sometimes she seems like a small girl in a woman's body, I do
not know how to reach her. She listen's to me and her infamous reply ''I know what you are telling me" but it doesn't seem to go in...
I'm not afraid of telling her the truth, I love her very very much and all I want is for her to be happy.. "Honestly" happy.. She can help herself before it's too late.. What shoud I do?
She tells me that she doesn't know how to love me more or bring down the walls that prevent her from trusting me more..?
What do i do..?
