Lack of trust, girlfriend lying and more... help!
Hello everyone, I am new to this forum but I will first say hello to all of you out there and I hope that you all dont mind helping me with my problems as I dont have anywhere else to turn.
Ok... where to begin. First Ill note that in November I got out of a relationship where my fiance of 4 years left me for one of my good friends. I realize now that I was in fact part of the problem and basically opened the door for it to happen. I came out of that hurt and gunshy to trust.
Along came a girl from my past whom Id known for 7 years and whom I had a few flings with but nothing ever materialized. My attraction to her is unreal and always has been both inside and out.
When we got back in touch she was living with a guy and the relationship was on its last legs, we never fooled around while they were still dating, we just hung out and enjoyed eachothers company but the beginning was a tough time because everything was very covert.
When he moved out we started officially dating and at first things were great but she told me that even though she said the 2 of them hadnt had any romantic connection in some time that they had been intimate and that really took trust down a notch but I pressed on.
Our relationship was great for a month and a half, things were electric and fun, lots of great times but then a lot of things started to not quite add up or fully fit together. I started becoming suspicious of her and her ex because I had creeped his facebook a few times and seen some rather vague but fairly suggestive status updates that got me asking questions.
This past Thursday she told me she was going to be late coming over because she got a phonecall to go and do a photoshoot with a photographer she likes working with (she is a part time model for fun) and so I grumbled a bit but said sure go ahead, Ill see you later. She came over later on and while she was very happy and positive, she was very sexually withdrawn from me which isnt like her especially being the early stage of things.
The next day I happened to be speaking with this photographer she had claimed she was doing the shoot with because I wanted to ask him about a seminar he was holding and while we were chatting I just made conversation and asked how the shoot went with my girlfriend and he said there was no shoot that day and that I was mistaken.
Immediately I got my back up about it and flew off the handle because my gf knew that the next lie meant it was quits for us but when I accused her of lying she got her back up about it and became VERY cold and standoffish about the whole thing claiming that it was my insecurities and that she was with the photographer but only to go over lighting ideas. She hung up and later on when I went to see her where she was with her friends I was met with a side of her that I hadnt seen before.
Today I spoke to the photographer again as he messaged me with the info I had requested about his seminar and when he did so I apologized for invading his privacy and if I seemed jealous when all they did was lighting stuff and he said "no you dont understand, I didnt see her at all".
Today I spoke with my now in limbo gf and she wants to sit down and talk tonight... so long story aside, what would the best method be to getting her to spill the beans completely about everything and potentially to work through things.
She is a great girl and very compatible but the lack of trust might be something I cant overcome. Any suggestions on overcoming a lack of trust and rebuilding?
