Patience or dumping?

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04-03-09, 02:17 AM
Swiss Butterfly

Patience or dumping?

I'm sorry this is going to be a long story...

My Guy (31) and I (34) met while working in the same city far away from our families and friends. After three months we started dating and moved in together after two months. We lived together for 9 months with our ups and downs, but overall it was very good.
Then on our return he dumped me over the phone after hearing a horrible rumour about me from a so-called friend and he said he didn't have the energy for such a relationship.

A few weeks later he heard that I went on a date and asked me if we could get back together because he realised how much he cared about me and how jealous he got. So we tried again and it was ok until I found out he dated another girl while we weren't together. Then he dumped me again saying that my jealousy was the main cause and that his feelings for me weren't strong enough for a relationship. After a long talk he said that he still wanted to be with me but couldn't be in a relationship as his future here was so uncertain (it will all be clearer by the end of the year).

Since then we are exclusively dating each other, he still introduces me to people as his girlfriend but I know he is flirting and feeling free when I'm not around as we are not in a relationship. As we don't live in the same city, we only get to see each other on weekends. I find it hard to trust him as he still gets from cold (not wanting to talk about feelings or relationship) to hot (planing a holiday, looking into house buying with me). I'm very confused...

Shall I be patient until his future is clearer or should I just give up and dump him?

Thanks for any advice!
04-03-09, 03:13 AM
Gigabitch

Are you sure there's only one of him? He sounds like twins, and one of them is evil.

If I were you, I'd have already dumped his ass. I hate getting jerked around.
04-03-09, 06:42 AM
Swiss Butterfly

He is a softie in a hard shell. He is military and likes everything to be logical and planned, and now it's driving me nuts. How can you plan your feelings like he does? He is very sweet and caring with me, tells me how happy he is to see me, always tries to help me in every way he thinks possible... but doesn't want to commit? Maybe I'm just stupid and naiv to think he loves me... His longest relationship was 9 months, and we've been "together" for 1 1/2 years... maybe he is just not relationship material... I don't feel jerked around as he is painfully honest about the situation. I've been going to very bad things lately and he stuck around, trying to find solutions, being at my side. His most evil side: selfishness and flirtiness. He has a huge ego and needs to know he can still attract women.
04-03-09, 08:14 AM
The_bobb

Quote:

Originally Posted by Swiss Butterfly [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

...After a long talk he said that he still wanted to be with me but couldn't be in a relationship...

AKA: F**k Buddies... But only for when your in town or he is...

I'd dump him... he seems shady (maybe a little confused). He dumps you, wants you back, dumps you again, misses you.

I can almost PROMISE you he's cheating on you (or trying to). And the fact that you KNOW he's flirty and still lives in a different city... I don't care how caring he is when he's WITH you... That's bad news...

No maam, i don't like it and you shouldn't either..
04-03-09, 05:30 PM
Swiss Butterfly

[QUOTE= I can almost PROMISE you he's cheating on you (or trying to). QUOTE]

The thing is when we are not together I know what he is up to or with whom... Also I know from his past relationships and from common friends that he is not the cheating type. But I had my doubts because I was cheated on before (years ago, but the pain remains) so I checked his phone... not a text or a call from a girl or to a girl I don't know. I told him that if there was anything physical with someone else (on my part or his) we would have to end what we have. He agreed saying that he didn't want another man to touch me anyway.

As for F***Buddies... been there done that (twice) enjoyed it as it was clear and simple, and this does not ressemble it at all, that's why it's so confusing. It definitely feels and looks like a relationship even if he wants to give it another name for it. We do so many things together that the sex hasn't become the major reason for us being together on weekends. It has happened that we didn't even have sex...

If his career plans work out he said that he wants to live with me, buy a house together, but until then he doesn't want us to have a serious relationship. He said that he can't deal with that right now. When I distance myself from him he gets angry, wondering if my feelings for him are real... it's weird.
04-03-09, 10:32 PM
The_bobb

Quote:

Originally Posted by Swiss Butterfly [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

...the thing is when we are not together I know what he is up to or with whom...

Did the psychic friends hot line tell you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Swiss Butterfly [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

...also I know from his past relationships and from common friends that he is not the cheating type...

That's because he doesn't cheat... he "sorta" breaks up with them first. By saying he's wants to be with you but doesn't know if he can yet.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Swiss Butterfly [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

...not a text or a call from a girl or to a girl I don't know...

So he knows where the delete button on his phone is... atleast he's smart about it...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Swiss Butterfly [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

...he agreed saying that he didn't want another man to touch me anyway...

I bet NOT! Sucks to be cheated on... he knows this...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Swiss Butterfly [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

...If his career plans work out he said that he wants to live with me, buy a house together...

So you'd be ok with coming second to what ever his career throws at him? And why would it matter? If he gets a job in England couldn't he ask you to come with? Why does his job have such defining vote in a relationship that COULD mold around it?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Swiss Butterfly [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

...it's weird...

I'll give you that one...

Do what ever it is you want... i think there's more going on when your not around. i think the feelings YOU have for HIM, are real. But i don't think his are...

And even if they ARE, i don't like how he's being so shady about it. And how he's putting his job before you, when he supposedly loves you. Your relationship and his Job are two completely separate things.

In my opinion, he's using the job as an excuse to keep you at a distance until he finds someone else...