how can i go in this situation?

I am 35 years old and been married for 14 years. My husband was the first guy I ever dated or loved. We had a terrible experience 8 years ago involving the loss of a child. Since then, our relationship has been really bad.

We have separated at times. We have gotten involved in heavy drinking and drugs.

Now, my husband has no job, has no friends and hardly has a relationship with his family. He is so totally dejected, that he believes the entire world is against him. Although he is quite intelligent, he just stays at home and does nothing.

Everytime I try to leave him, I get roped back into our marriage. He blames me for all of his pain and low self esteem. He reminds me of the vows we took. He blames the world for his not working. I am tired of this relationship as it is totally unfulfilling. I still take care of him and we are friends, but we have no intimacy or sex. We live like friends.

He says that he will not be able to cope without me. I don't know what to do because he is completely alone. How can it be that I want to leave him, but at the same time cannot do so?

I am utterly confused and depressed.

in a relationship both parties have to put equal amount of energy into saving it, supporting each other. you are the only making any effort, and thus damaging your own life. if you leave him, he will either have to realize that there's nothing to support him but himself and dig himself out of the situation that he has created, or will slowly fade away. you have to give him the opportunity to make that choice as an individual. leave him, build your life up to happiness and comfort. do not let him control you and drag you down.

I suggest counseling because the damage from losing the child alone is alot. You guys need to let go your feelings about this for starters, but you just may need that third party there to listen. Everything else of course has to be let go. He is currently playing the victim role, and he needs to snap out of it because it will only get him so far.

My only suggestion is counseling. It just may help you guys out.