Extremely volatile and variable emotions towards a person/situation
Hi. I am somewhat scared by how incredibly changeable my feelings are towards a girl I've been seeing recently.
We met online, but lived close by and so met up quite quickly. We spent a lot of time together over the next three weeks or so, and it was great (for me). I liked it all, and really liked her, and it was a lot of fun. At no point was there any physical contact. This became an issue for her, and eventually we descended (or ascended?) into touching and such. Nothing sexual yet, but I mean I would hug her and things.
Since then we did indeed start having sex and so on, and things got somehow more serious. Since then my feelings have been all over the place, like absolute mad. I have no idea what I'll be thinking in 30 minutes' time! We had one week together after initiating contact, and on several occasions I came to feel that I really regretted it all and wanted nothing more to do with her. Then a few hours later I'd feel completely different!
As you can see in my other thread, I upset her last week and that was basically the end of it as far as she is concerned. However, I have gone back and forth maybe 20+ times in the last 5 days, as to whether or not I would want to attempt to reconcile with her, or whether the whole thing is stupid and I should be glad it's over.
And they're extreme variations, very extreme. Total Love/Hate kind of thing. Over the course of a day I might switch back and forth several times. Generally in the evening I feel more towards the "hate" side, whereas in the day if I'm outside and maybe feeling more peaceful then I will tend towards the "love" side.
I've had one previous relationship. The first few weeks or months of that were similar. I could not settle down. Then there was a long and happy plateau where I felt extremely loving and caring consistently, except for very occasional blips lasting but a few hours.
This current situation is kind of my second "relationship", and my emotions have followed an amusingly-similar pattern to my first. I am just along for the ride, aware at how ridiculous it is, and rather out of control.
Whenever someone enters intimate emotional contact with me, or leaves it, I become very, very unstable. It's like a big rock being thrown into a calm pond, or suddenly pulled back out of it. I kind of have a very powerful sense of "me", in some ways, and I have always had very few friends and so forth - it's just my way - and so someone new is always a big thing for me to handle.
Is anyone else like this? Or have you known and dealt with someone like this? Do you have anything to say about it?
Thanks a lot
