6-7 month relationship - sometimes feeling very insecure ???

Firstly I just like to say hi, as came across this site whilst browsing today at lunch.

I woudl really appreciate any advice anybody can give.

Ok, to start from the start, March 2008, split from a long term partner of 11 years. I actually ended the relationship as my confidence was taking a pounding and I couldn't continue the endless battles and bad feelings, as it was draining.

My ex partner had a brain-injury, and for the first 7 years of the relationship she didn't work. Coudln't due to her health. Anyway without going into too much detail basically the relationship with her was as I could only describe as "my way" or no way on her part. This I really believe was partially due to her brain injury, she seemed to only have teh one way of thinking and doing things, and if you went off and did something different to what she wanted or expected, then it was a big thing to her.

So as you can imagine, I found it hard from time to time, but went along with things as I did love her. Anyway back to March 2008, after another row .. which I wanted to get sorted, things were left again unsaid and unresolved. The following morning, I woek around 2am, as I cant sleep well after a row, and we again had words, and decided to split. I basically bought her share out of the house, and in August 2008 this completed.

At the time of the split even though it was my choice to end the relationship, I didn't know what I was going to do, as the house seemed very empty. I went on a few internet dating sites, and within a month met a woman, this relationship I ended as to be honest, teh woman wanted to much from me so soon after my recent split.

I then met another woman, stunnig, very atractive and had a 6 month relationship, during this relationship I started to feel very insecure (only from time to time) .. anyway I also ended this relationship.

Fast forward to Sep'08 and I met my current partner online, we hit it off straight away, so much in fact by the 3rd month I asked her to marry me during a live gig to which she replied yes, we have just under five months to go before teh big day, but within the last month or so I'm again starting to feel insecure, as basiaclly I have let my house out and have moved in with my partner, we never row, and generally get on very well.

Now I find myself getting insecure and will start to panic if my partner seems distant, when in effect its just probably because she has had a bad day. I mean both my partner and me are doing everything for the wedding ourselves, I have the girl of my dreams, a good job and keep wondering what the heck am I doing worrying. Where do these feelings come from ...

I'm not loooking at blame, ie my last relationship with my partner of 11 years, I was also sexually abused by a freind of my family when I was a young lad.

People, freinds and woman I have been with, say I am a good looking bloke, with a heart of gold. I just feel that once a person is willing to give me their love, I have to push it away as I am not worthy.

And like I said within the last month I'm sure my partner futire wife is getting a little miffed about the way I have been at times, even though she says there is nothing to worry about.

What can I do to help myself. As I dont want to loose her ... the issues are mine, for the first time in my life. I know that C is the one ... and I so sont want to push her away as friends and family on both sides say that we are so well suited.

Any advice as I hate feeling like this at times.

Thank you



I am feeling very insecure and depressed at the moment and im scared that im going to push my boyfriend away.

I realise that I have a problem and I have been to the doctors and im waiting to get professional help.

Apart from this, what else can I do to get over being insecure?

I keep freaking and panicin on my boyfriend if he seems distant or does not reply to me, will this behaviour push him away? Would it push you away, even if the partner is getting help and realises there is a problem?

I was abused in the past by a family friend, it took me a long time to get out of it because I was scared and was worried what people would think of me because I was 18. I never spoke to anyone about this and let it get to me.

I also had a bad ending to my last relationship and have got hurt by other people that I have got close to.

I really care about my boyfriend, I like to put his needs 1st, like to know that he is ok and want to make him happy.

The things is I just want a bit of extra support at the moment from people I care about. Is that asking to much? Would that scare you/annoy you/push you away?

I have only been with my current boyfriend for two months, we met online and he has been great to my face. I have spoken to him and he comes across as caring and wanting to listen. He says that he wants to be there for me, that he cares about me a lot etc. I feel that I have put to much on him early in the relationship. Im also worried because ive noticed that his profile on the dating site is still hidden but he has been going on there again recently, quite a lot.

I really need your ideas on what else I can do to get over this. Thank you