can anyone offer feedback on this love letter
I’ve taken time to deal with some over the top emotions I’ve felt since our break up. I wrote this letter for the opportunity to control and share my thoughts, as well as put things into real perspective. I also reconnected with a friend, a great counsellor. As I expected, he offered some great incite to my recent behaviour.
I loved the beginning of our relationship. I allowed myself to get really close but then it’s like something inside of me snapped. I started to pull away, display negative emotions, and then, just at the points of breaking up, I snapped back. I learned this is called the “rubber band effect,” and the fear is that someone who comes too close might really see how truly inadequate I feel. Having done this, I deprive them opportunity to really experience intimacy with me.
My friend explained that love always involves risk and when we let someone get close to us, there is always the danger that we are not right for them. On the other hand, nothing ventured truly means nothing gained. I allowed myself to venture out, but then, retract the opportunity for obtaining what I really want, the chance to allow love into my heart and the chance to fully experience the intimacy that you and I want.
I’ve had two options on how to live: love or fear. I really had to do some searching and realized I’ve lived in fear. In doing so, I was no longer really capable of choosing what is best for me. The more I act out of fear, the more it is reinforced in my life. Eventually it becomes so automatic that I’m not even in touch with it.
I have learned that the failure of past relationships has not made me less desirable or lovable, except perhaps in my own eyes. The next time I feel like withdrawing, I need to discuss these feelings. The talking will help and actually prevents the acting out of the negative pattern I’ve established. Being aware of this pattern is the best step to overcoming it.
I’ve come to the realization that there are instances where my unhealthy ways of coping with life and difficulties have negatively impacted you and our relationship. I don’t want to be in an unhealthy relationship. I understand that a meaningful relationship will be challenging and require work, effort, and commitment to be successful. I would like a healthy relationship, where our mutual efforts can produce and craft a union that is happy, fulfilling, and a growth opportunity for both of us.
I recognize my mistakes and I’m ready to really change those mistakes. Talk is cheap but now with the mental state to back it up, I’m ready and want to prove to you that I am still the man you fell in love with.
I needed something to believe in. I needed someone to believe in. You shared yourself and I believed. But what I really needed was to believe in myself. Because of you, I am believing in something, in someone, in myself.
If it’s too late for us, I walk away having learned more about myself and my mistakes. I’ve learned what’s important to be in a healthy relationship and you’re the one person I sincerely want this with. I just need your trust and forgiveness.
Whatever your decision, I wish nothing but happiness and the best for you.
