Grrr Inconsiderate GF...Opinions Needed
Hey all,
Posted this on another forum but it’s mostly male members so I wanted to see what women think about this situation.
Venting to the internet here because I am so sad and mad at the same time. Anyways I have been dating this girl for almost 3 years now. We recently got into a big argument where she says I am not nice to her and am not spending enough time with her. So we broke up a couple days ago.
I went up to Los Angeles from San Diego for spring break. My sister, who lives in LA, and I planned to drive down to SD after my vacation was over to drop me off home. GF planned to take a flight to visit her parents over the weekend. GF wanted me to drive her to the airport. She got angry because I did not drive down from Los Angeles to San Diego (approximately 110 miles) to pick her up and take her to the airport which is 10 miles away. After that I would have to drive back to LA to pick up my sister and drive back down again to SD to get home. I told my GF to take a taxi and I will pay for it. I even looked for a taxi company for her. All was well until the weekend when she finally let out the steam and we had an argument over that. When I told her about the multiple trips, she said why didn’t you take another car up there instead of carpooling with your friend. Then you can go home on Thursday and take me to the airport on Friday morning. But she doesn’t take into consideration that I need to drive my sister down to San Diego to visit our mother because she hasn’t seen her for a month. GF is also angry because I spent my week in LA with my sister and next week I am going to a conference for 5 days.
In defense of myself I told her, I spend at least 4 days of the week hanging out with her, approximately 4 hours on a weekday and the whole day on weekends (Sat and Sun), so I believe we do spend enough time with each other. I told her asking me to drive down from LA to SD just to take her to the airport is unreasonable and inconsiderate. But she refused to see it my way.
She said that I tell her I miss her a lot but I am just saying it and not meaning it. I told her that I do miss her and I’m always thinking of her. When I was up here I went shopping for nice clothing for her everyday. She said I only do that because I like to do it which is BS because I can be doing better stuff. Then she said I am only doing that so she can look pretty and I can impress my friends and family. But, in the past she always comments that she has nothing nice to wear and doesn't know what to wear so she doesn't want to visit my family. I do want her to look good to impress my friends and family but more importantly I want her to feel special, to fit in, to feel that she is pretty, and to have nice clothing to wear when going out with her friends or to work. However she stood by her inconsiderate and unreasonable views.
I feel that over the years I have treated her well including paying for her clothing whenever we go shopping, paying almost always (95% of the time) whenever we go out unless she really insists, paying for vacation trips etc. When her friends from another city come to visit, I take them out and pay for us all. Whenever she says I am not nice to her, I will tell her what I do for her, and she says I am too calculating. But I am not at all, I just want her to take the good things I do into consideration. She never remembers the good things I do and always concentrates on the bad things. I am always doing legwork whenever she needs something. I frequently pack home cooked meals for her. I write term papers for her and correct her papers. I spend time studying with her. I do more calling and texting then she does. I initiate physical emotions (kissing hugging) 80% of the time. The list goes on...
What do I get in return? She does nice things maybe 15% of the time. Other times she acts really distant. For example we recently went clubbing and she would keep a 3 inch distance from me even though I was trying to rub up on her, put my arms around her. When I scrambled out of the car to throw up, my friend was the first and only one out there to ask me if I was ok and to get me water. She sat in the car the whole time. Bad gf material, but at least she apologized after I called her out on it. Every time I mention something nice I do, she says you don’t do that enough or that is expected of you since you are a guy. When I was sick, she says I will wash the dishes for you only because you are sick. So I thought to myself, why did she even say that as if she really needs to mention a nice thing she does and this will be the only time she will do it for me. So I said I will do it myself, I may be sick but I still have hands and feet.
She takes all the best values from modern American culture and Vietnamese culture that favor women and applies it to our relationship. For example, in Vietnam, the women are supposed to do the cooking and cleaning and listen to their bf/husband almost always. Yet in America, a couple does 50/50 housework . In America, chivalry is almost dead but it is still alive in Vietnamese culture. So she expects the guy to pay for everything, handle all the large work, be the breadwinner, do the legwork, help her with stuff she may ask (writing papers, correcting papers, running errands), buy her a large diamond ring (at least 30k) or put in 30k for a down payment on her house..…if we were to get engaged, participate in housework 50% of the time. If the guy has shortfalls in any area she will mention it and say you can’t do this for me or you don’t do this for me. No one is a jack of all trades yet she expects it. I have seen many women rant about how guys don’t have a car, a paying job, an education, common sense about responsibilities etc. I am a responsible person with an MS, a well paying job, a car to take her around, high ambitions, and high motivation. Yet she always tries to nitpick about stuff I can’t do, don’t know how to do, or don’t have time to do.
Well if she wants to be a little princess, I think she should act like a girl. But she doesn’t. She refuses to kiss me, hug me, or hold hands with me in public in our first year of the relationship. I would always have to initiate for sex. Whenever she gets mad, even if it’s her fault, she would scream and yell at me and expect me to be the one apologizing. In the 2nd year, I addressed the issue and she says she will be sweeter. She made some progress and stopped yelling at me as much. She will hold my hands in public but refuse to kiss me or hug me. Towards the end of our 2nd year, she will kiss and hug me in public but not around her friends, family, or people we somewhat know that are standing around. I am still the one initiating sex 99% of the time.
There's more but that's my rant for the day. I feel like an idiot for doing so much and getting a stab in the heart in return.
Cliff Notes:
GF of almost 3 years and I broke up because I wouldn't drive down from LA to SD to take her to the airport.
GF is inconsiderate and takes unreasonable stances.
GF treats me like a dog.
I feel like an idiot for being a chivalrous guy and getting stabbed in the heart.
