I need to break up with my girlfriend.

Hello,

In two weeks it will be a year since I've been living with my girlfriend, we've pretty much been living as husband and wife. However, because of some recent circumstances, I've decided I want to break up with her.

From the start I must say I acted wrong, and I found out a few things by going through her e-mail, I'm not proud of it, but hey, she gave me reasons to act suspicious.

A few months ago I found e-mails from her to her ex boyfriend telling him she still loved him. These e-mail were dated when we had just started going out. Also, he had kept trying to get back with her, and she would keep answering his calls, returning his e-mails, etc.
I was able to handle it and for some reason decided not to end it back then.

Recently, she made a new "friend" at work. We both work at the same hotel and she started talking a lot to one of our guests.
So far I'm pretty sure nothing has happened between them, but it seems she's given him enough ground for him to think there could be something more between them.

She actually told me all this so I "wouldn't get any wrong ideas", but yesterday the guy got mad at her because someone at work told him we were a couple (apparently she had told him she was single). She also told me this and also said she'd e-mail the guy to explain to him that she was sorry for giving him the wrong idea, that they were just friends and blah blah. She also told me she'd be more comfortable writting in private.

I naturaly checked the e-mail and it turns out she apologized for not telling him that she had broken up with me three weeks ago (! news to me). Reading some more I just opened my eyes to how much of a liar and how manipulative she is. And now I really just need to get away from her as soon as possible.

My problem is that I don't know how to do it without telling her I went through her e-mail. But I need to do it fast, since we were planning on moving into a bigger place the day after tomorrow, and it's somewhere I can't afford on my own.

I'm running out of options, since we live together I just can't really stop returning her phone calls. And about a week ago she gave me a "do you really love me?" talk, and I poured my heart out about how I did love her, so it'd be kind of suspicious if I completely had a change of heart for no reason.

Please any ideas or suggestions would be very much appreciated.

-Sinking desperately

Just tell her that you dont trust her anymore and you feel like she is hiding something

It might make her confess

That's an idea. I'll take it into consideration.

Now look at this. She's been betraying you from the start and you've been bearing everything like a lamb. I believe this girl is a total mess(for what she's doing to you). And the only way to handle these kind of people is tell them the truth. Simply tell her that you read her email and you know everything now and trust her nomore. Show no sympathy and break up with her if she's done this to you. Hope this will help....

i think as a couple theres nothing u should be hiding from each other.. reading each other's email is not a very big deal.. but you should tell her you've read her emails too..

and if she admits all the cheating she did then its up to you whether you still wanna trust her.

Why don't you just tell her the truth. "I'm sorry I read your e-mail. I found the e-mails to your ex boyfriend, I feel very betrayed, and this relationship is over."

The answer you require is no more complex than that. She's unhappy with your relationship, but rather than honor and respect you she's using you and lying to you.

Don't feel bad about snooping, just say I did it, I'm sorry I did it, but go **** yourself.

Failure to simply do this will cause you more problems down the road than if you just did it. Rip the bandaid off, get the pain over with, and let the healing begin.

Lite is right, simple, straight to the point, its over. End of the story.

Honestly, you could just tell her you're no longer happy in the relationship and leave, shes not an idiot, she will know why.

If shes acting like this her first thought isn't going to be "what did I do wrong?"

People feel they owe the other party an explanation, you don't. If you want to explain it, fine, beyond that its just life.

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Originally Posted by Cbrider [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Lite is right, simple, straight to the point, its over. End of the story.

Honestly, you could just tell her you're no longer happy in the relationship and leave, shes not an idiot, she will know why.

If shes acting like this her first thought isn't going to be "what did I do wrong?"

People feel they owe the other party an explanation, you don't. If you want to explain it, fine, beyond that its just life.

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Personally I'd rather just let her know that I know she's a lying cheating whore. But, that's just me.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Lite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Personally I'd rather just let her know that I know she's a lying cheating whore. But, that's just me.

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I'm right there with you. Some people don't like that route though.

Whatever you decide to do, leave that girl for good and don't look back, shes a second rate person.

I guess telling her I read the emails is what I have to do...
It just kind of feels like it's a murder case in which I know the defendant is guilty, but can'tprove it because the evidence was gotten without a warrant and want another way of nailing him :p (I guess I watch too much Law & Order).

You might want to sort out the living situation and start getting your stuff together/find a place to stay for a while until you can get your stuff/etc before you have this talk with her.

Considering her lies an manipulations you may want to prepare yourself for her denying it all and getting super defensive once you say you've read her emails.

As for the whole telling her you read her email thing-- go for it. This relationship is definitely over and considering this shit has been going on from the beginning means the chances of you guys working this out are just about non existent. Might as well let her know you know she's a liar and a cheat [be it emotionally or physically] and get the hell outta there.

If I were you, I wouldn't worry about snooping through her e-mails ... a relationship consists of being open with each other, even if it's e-mails. You had your suspicions and acted upon them by reading her e-mails.

I don't read my wife's e-mails because I know how boring and irrelevant to my life they are ... So, if you had your suspicions and found them to be true, then it was justified. Why try to sugarcoat it?

You have the right to be angry and are allowed to unleash this ... She is a multiple offender ... How you let the first one go, I'll never get, but you can't let this one slide ... Who cares that you read her e-mails? She doesn't deserve to be trusted anyway ... (You can't make a ho a housewife...)

I suggest staying at a friend's place until you can figure out where to be situated ... Can you possibly handle your current spot on your own?

Yeah, I can handle my current spot on my own. I'll most likely be staying there while she moves out to her parent's since I have no friends or family to move in with.

So far I'm working on a way of facing her. It's tough because it's the first time I break up with someone. I have had only one previous relationship, which was not even remotely serious as this one, and she dumped me so... first timer here.