Confused about break up!

HI....My girlfriend of 8 years and I split a few weeks back. This has been brewing for some time, and our physical relationship has not existed for a REALLY long time...like years! :(

Neither one of us ever cheated on one another...it was just that our relationship became more of a friendship I guess and at times felt like we were roommates, although we still slept in the same bed. We have lived together for about 5 years and made a pretty good home together, but the time came where we had to acknowledge the truth and part company formally. We vowed though that we wanted to remain friends....as we consider ourselves to be best friends really, and as the house is quite large, (she owns it tho) we have decided to stay living under the one roof for a while.

After a couple of days of adjustment, I came home to her sobbing uncontrollably and generally freaking out about everything. She was saying how being the older one in the duo she will find it harder to find someone new than me(she 40 me 33) A day passed and it was ok...

I decided I needed some space so booked a brief holiday by myself. The day before I left a mutual friend of ours who is much younger-21 to be exact, asked me nervously if I would mind if he asked my ex out as he had feelings for her. Now we had both discussed any new dating possibilities and both said it wouldn't happen for a while until the dust settles, and besides, she had told me implicitly that she wouldn't see this guy romantically cause of the huge age gap, and really he was a big kid and laughed off the very idea. So, I told him that there were no hard feelings, and he had my blessing....of course thinking there was no chance anyway, so I didnt really worry much.....

Anyway, I now return from my holiday, where as much as my body wanted to,and opportunities were there- I couldn't bring myself to be with anyone else, as I kept getting the guilts even thinking about it...(silly, but a real and annoying feeling!)

I discover that my ex slept with this guy a couple of nights ago....It's hit me pretty hard, and I really feel physically sick now...I don't even want her back, but I just feel brushed aside a little too fast I guess. The prob is that we all work at the same place together, and as much as I thought I would be fine about this when the time came... I don't feel fine, and I really don't know how I am going to handle it from here on. I won't like others talking about it-as they do at work and it's basically going to be hard to deal with.

My desire is to run away quickly, but in reality it's not that simple-bills need to be paid and 8 years of life building have to be unravelled. I don't really know what I am asking for by writing this, and I apologise for the rant-maybe I'm just getting it all off my chest, but any suggestions for me are appreciated! :)


Thanks for reading .

Dan :astonish:

Buddy, if you want my advice, pack your bags, put your belongings in storage and get the hell out of there, into your own place. I firmly believe that you have to accept that your relation with her is over, and hanging around in the same house is only going to cause you more pain. Yes, it will be hard at first, but trust me if I tell you, after you have not have had any contact with her (and I really mean any, as in no phone, no email, no text messaging, no contact at all) for about 3 weeks, you'll feel a lot better and you'll be able to think a lot clearer. Meanwhile, during those 3 weeks, keep yourself busy, actively, surround yourself with friends and give yourself time to grieve and come to realize your relation with her is over and there is no going back. Most of all, once you are out, stay out and resist the urge to contact her. 3 weeks is the magic number here. Just my 2 cents.