I just barely got up and I don't want to fall again

So before, I got my motivation to work hard by telling myself, if I work hard, she'll like me more. Well that got taken away from me and my drive fell through rock bottom.

Now I might never see her again, since we graduated a couple of days ago. I still think about her a lot, but not in the way that hurts me anymore. I don't want to forget about her either.

And now, over the summer, I'm setting goals and really planning to work it. But in my head, my ultimate goal isn't really about being the smartest, famous, or rich, but still about being with her someday. WHICH is ssooo fuking stupid - I KNOW - because there have been so many crushing wake up calls. I just don't want this to ruin my future education, which is sooo important to me right now.

You are a very smart kid... Meaning, you are smart enough to put the situation in perspective, and realize you have bigger things to do... Also, so you know, the first is always the hardest, and you are right that you will never forget your first. In fact, no one ever does...

Also, it is not stupid to dream about working hard to "be with her one day"... If that is what it takes to keep yourself moving forward, then that is what you do... Meaning, sometimes in the hardest moment of life you intentionally lie to yourself to keep going until things improve.

Finally... Hopefully eventually you will find that your ultimate goal is not be be all of those things you talked about, but rather to just find your purpose in life and do it to the best of your abilities. Meaning, you were built to do something and do it better than anyone else could. The meaning of life is to find that purpose and to start doing what you were meant to do...

yea about that false hope thing. I would try that on myself. But I guess I might just be too smart to be fooled ;)...

besides, I'll one day check facebook and accidentally find out that she's in a relationship - or more. It'll happen all over again. I'll get f**ed again. I won't have any motivation left.


PS. I disagree that life is about doing what you're made to do. It's about sharing love with others. I mean do hardcore engineers or computer scientists die happy? I dun tink so (it's a stereotype, don't take it personally)