Rage Against Something

i feel so different,so different than how i was and how i wanted

to be,5 years can change your life forever. i wanted so much

when i was young,i needed so much,ambitious they say, but i

think i'll never dream like how i dreamed before coming to the

states,i chose to be here,there are a lot of major differences

but i weighed every ounce of thought of coming back to my

home country,and i decided,i thought,no,theres no coming

back.

i feel desensitized,the humming birds,the smell of grass,all of

the beautiful,colorful things,they are all gone,living in the desert

is so much different from a tropical country,here you cant

appreciate color for the main reason that you dont have the

time for it,there are a lot of pros and cons to everything,but the

real reason is i got tired of the system,i got tired of corruption

and sick of inequality,i am looking for comfort,for security, my

country has never been equal to its citizens.i loved it so much

but i equally hate it,i have so much anger in my heart for

people. people of power especially,i pity those who are

hungry,for food,for education and for love.

if only the country was built like it should be,catholicism is the

predominant religion,this is another thing that bothers me,if the

human greed never took over,and if we took the good in us

and have it rule the system for at least a hundred years before

becoming of this corrupted tradition,it would have changed

everything,i wouldnt have written this,i wouldnt have grown up

relating government officials to greedy/bad people.

money is all they think about these days,the thing that they will

never carry beyond this life,a soul is so cheap,it can be bought

for a price,pity that the cheap ones are the ones that are

pushed to be cheaper by the ones who sell their souls for

more. no one wants to take responsibility,everyone points their

dirty fingers at each other,the point is,like what grandma used

to tell me,"point your index finger at someone and you will

realize that the other three are pointing towards you." i have

been practicing how to take responsibility,for me and for

others,im not saying that the country im living in is the

perfect/ideal country,this also has its demons,in the

government,healthcare and its businesses,everything is just

business,the land of the opportunist,where the one who blinks

will be the one who dies.but at least the government doesnt

allow the citizens to die of hunger.

where do i stand?how do i demand?when everyone around me

is tainted,with greed,lust for money,how are we,children of

God,reduced to this. i know that we are more than this but

realistically for the time being,it is money that makes the world

go around or at least thats how it makes my world move and

take shape,i am disgusted...it is the truth and i cant run away

from it,a nightmare that i cant wake up from,you will live your

life working,hoping for a better life until you die or some kind of

disease slows you down and takes over,this is a negative

collection of thoughts,but i see this as the truth about

things,things that are very real and that how people fabricated

things and how they made me believe this as the world im

living in,it makes me sick to realize that it is money that will feed

me,dress me and give me the chance to be loved,how can it

be that important when it was considered the root of all evil,id

rather not be evil.