Need some real good advice...

Hello Love Forum

I have come to this site many times before to try to find advice, and i have seen some threads that pertain to my problem but they dont really answer my problem...

Anyway, my problem is this.

I have been dating this girl for almost 3 weeks now, and it has been good so far... the only problem is it has to be kept a secret from society that we are dating. She lives in a very religious familly and they wont let her date until she is 18. She is 16 as of right now. So we have to keep it secret from them and her two brothers, one who is older and one who is younger then her.

But, the relationship is getting week. This is because we have no time to hang out what so ever. We met in TaeKwonDo class in our town, and we get to hang out there, but that is it. We have gone to some movies together, but we had to go in a group to make it seem less obvious. And because we go in a group we have to pretend like we aren't dating and we cant do anything like hold hands or kiss.

This week though, i have gotten a god send to help out the relationship. We are at this martial arts camp, just me, her, and her best friend. (she had to bring her best friend or else she couldnt come to the camp, sort of a protection thing). But, if i can get her friend to go away for a little bit, we can hang out alone, finally.

Anyway though, we have talked about this problem and we both feel that is greatly unfair to make the other person lie. We hate it, a lot. She has been going through a weird spell since saturday of not wanting to talk much. I think she kinda wants to stop liking me so much so she doesnt have to lie any more.

But like i said we talked about the problem and i asked her if there was any way she could let her parents know about it. She said no, because she was already confronted from her dad and he said that she better not have any feelings for me until she was 18, and he let her mom know that and they are really tight about it.

So love forum, i need your help. In a nutshell, these are the problems:

1. We have to keep our relationship secret, so does anyone know how we can hang out and not get caught?

2. We are at a camp together with her friend, does anyone have any good strategies or plans to help get her friend to go away for a while so we can hang out?

3. Does anyone know how we can keep the relationship strong until she turns 18, even if we cant hang out that much?

Much help is needed, thanks in advanced.

The fact that her parents are keeping her away from erm falling in love is horrble! However they are probably doing the right thing for her, keeping her from being hurt etc. No matter how great love is, there still will be pain and suffering in it.. but thats what makes love stronger.

I think the best and the right thing to do here would be for her to tell her parents. They cant lock her up and keep her away! "Mum, Dad, I love this boy! I cant help my feelings and you cant stop me from liking him so much either. If you are going to tell me to stop seeing him, well I wont be able to do that." and the golden line "I want to have it out in the open instead of sneaking behind your back and lieing to you. I want this to be truthful" and maybe she could suggest on a greeing on some sort of compromise like a curfew or leaving the dor just a little bit open when you are over at her place.. you get me.

If telling them wont work.. then well its tough. But keeping a relationship secret is so much fun! Its hot. But it can only stay a secret for some time... probably not for an entire 2 years.

good luck!

You have givin the best advice so far, lolitta. Thank you.

The thing is though, since she has already started to bring it up and her dad stopped her and told her how it was, she is scared to do it. She seen how mad he got from just doing that and she doesnt want to see him get any worse. I like your way of telling them though, and if she ever gets in a position to do so then i will tell her to use that.

So do you have any advice on how to get her friend to go do something different so we can hang out together? We only have a few days of this camp and i want it to be really good.

I feel for you dude, I have a similar situation but luckily I only had to wait 2 months, but still I can't come over, her mom doesn't know how much her daughter is loving/seeing me.

Love needs a lot of time and space to grow between 2 people, even if it's love at first sight. You have a few big problems threatening the wellbeing of the relationship. For this girl, you will become the problem itself, the confrontation of not being able to fully love someone and the idea of having to drag on for 2 years is really uncomfortable.

The best thing you could do, is get a few of her friends in on the secret somehow but you gotta really be able to trust them. If that works she can be with you but like you said she will have to lie. If she's too scared of her parents finding out or tired of lying there's not much you can do but stop confronting her about the problem and give her and yourself some air.

I'm not sure if it's fair to say her love needs to be stronger because she's young and trapped. Personally I really appreciate all the lying my gf has done to her mom just to see me. Anyways good luck, I hope you don't have to lose her.

Thanks.

I will try the friend thing, then maybe we can show affection while with her friends. But yeah we have to get ones that she can trust really well.

I just dont want her to have to do anything she doesnt want to do though. I gave her the option to break up whenever she wants to, and though she said no she knows the option is always there.

Either she tells her parents and see what happens.. or you'll probably have to end it.

Seriously, if feelings are already fading after 3 weeks, you can't spend any time together, and you spent the majority of your time with her lying to everyone.. it's.. going to fail.

As it stands now, continuing to keep this "relationship" a secret is incredibly disrespectful to her family. You will get caught together/it will come out you're "dating" -- it always does. All it takes is one person to say something and you're automatically on their shit list for sneaking around and encouraging their daughter to lie.

I'm not going to give you advice on how to sneak around.. because.. well.. it's dumb.

As for it lasting until she's 18-- do you really see her lying to her family for 2 YEARS if she's already uncomfortable with it after 3 weeks? Probably not.

common yarrr there is a very simple solutions according to me which is

if you really like her and if she likes you then simple you can continue your relationship on phone and on internet and you can met with each other once in a blue moon not regularly because her background is very religious the more you stay away from her the more she believe you .... believe me this is the right option for you

but keep in mind always talk on phone on internet
never give her chance to think about someone else
thanks bye take care

I think the "never give her a chance to think about someone else" is a very clear, and very cool statement. Thank you.

Hmmm is her friend gonna be watching her all the time?? Why cant the friend know about you? I guess she'll tell her parents? Thats so slack!
Its tough, I dont really know how you can get away from her friend but maybe you guys can do more stuff and just tell her that you are really really good friends and everything you do is just a friendly thing?

We could i suppose. But she has been friends with her for a while and she knows that we aren't the great best friends thing.

And at first i didnt think she was going to be. But i have come to realize that her friend does want to be with her 24/7.

Hmm I cant come up with anything good apart from maybe organise a time at night and she can just say shes going to the bathroom... dunno if that will work though.

I think the second best thing will be to just enjoy camp and organise another time to meet up in secret when you will get back from camp.