Finding pretty tough accepting past and being Loving

Hi there

I was on this site about 4 months ago :-) Anyway, it was about someone who i was seeing last year, who became my "ex". My dillema at the time was that we both go to dances outwith our home cities and there was a good chance we would see each other.

I did make a concious decision to not go to dances this year. Basically because I was all over he place. Splitting up with her and my father dying around about the same time.

The main reason we split was the distance issue (65 miles) ansd also when we got togetehr she said she didnt like the idea of committment and felt "suffocated" by being a bf/gf. However, we did get to know each other and became partners. Another issues that arose was she was friendly with a guy in her home town who went to the dancing as well. On a scale of attractiveness I am about a 7 :-) and he is about a 4-5. She told me that this was absolutely purely friendly and that he was just a friend to her. She told me that he had previously shown an interest in her, and told her however she had knocked him back!!

She was very reluctant to tell him that she had began a relationship with me. This just made me insecure. wished it didnt however, spoke to a few other guys and told that was just natural to feel that. I am aware hat with her not wantuing to tell him, that 1. he remained to give her the attention (that she may not have got if she had told him) that she probably played on 2. that she was geting attention from me.

Anyway..the first dance that i went back to was about last month (May). That was approximately 6 months since we split (not that I was conciously trying to stick to this period). I saw her again 2 weeks ago.

When i saw her then it was okay and we were civil and had a few dances . I did have ocassion however on that night to feel she was taking the piss when she came over to my table (she may have got nudged there by other dancers) and seemed!! to be dancing in front of me. As someone said after, she will dance where she wants. Best to just get up and dance with someone else.

So, was at a dance last night in her home city. I knew there was a good chance I would see her. I was around quite a few people that I knew from my ciy who had travelled down. I made a concious decision that 1. I wasnt going to dance with. Now dont get me wrong. Even after all the crap that i felt i put myself through with her and tolerating stuff where I felt my power was sucked out of me.......I still have feelings for her. Maybe just human eh? 2. I hardly looked over at the half of the dancehall she was in in case of seeing her. I suppose kind of protecting myself. I had loads of dances with others and I am :-) a good dancer.

The facts are she didnt ask me to dance either last night.To be honest we both love dancing with each other and (I dont know) I can only presume she felt the same way.
So, the end of the night came and she is sitting at a table right next to the exit. Im thinking "Oh ****" uncomfortable situation.what do I do here. i could really try and avoid contact with her when leaving or....walk towards the entrance and look at her and if she looks up we will see what the response is. So walks toward the entrance looked at her she looks at me and looks away and when passing her I heard her laugh at what seemed to be her friend. Maybe her way of dealing with it. Told my pal this and he said this is maybe me being paranoid.

Anyway, I did feel "sore" afterwards. Spoke to friend and thinking of e mailing her and saying to her that ...."whatever reasons we didnt dance with each other on saturday?........would be good if we could be civil and dance with each have a dance when we see each other". To be honest ideally she would be e mailing me. There is a 7 year diffrerence in ages (she is older) however I was the one that was the most adult throughout in the communication. However I feel that if this continues its going to be uncomfortable when we see each other.

My friend is telling me in the car this morning after the dance that it would be a good idea to try and melt the relations. He also said that I should get out there (whether at dances or elsewhere) and "just be friends" with everyone. To be honest, i have really good sense of humour, and felt I have lost that a bit.

Anyway, not sure if this thread is in the right place, if anyone will read it, and if they do I am hoping for some honesty and hope.

God, Q. What Do I Do? :-))