Solving my gf's problem

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10-06-09, 10:51 AM
raymond33

Solving my gf's problem

Hi, I am pretty new to this forum! Alright lets get started!

I have been dating my gf for a year now. We met at university and thats the only time we see each other cause we live in two different provinces. So we are basically doing long-d right now. She stopped txting me or talk to me one day. After few days, I got piss off and started txting her like mad and she started telling me she is having problems. I asked her why she is feeling so depress and she said, "you know I don't tell you my problems anymore." She started explaining that every time she tells me her problems, she feels even worst after.

I don't know what to do now cause i think its me that made her that way! Every time she tells me a problem I will try to comfort her so much that she feels like a little baby. AHhhh! I really wanna help her and make her happy but I dunno what to do! I also want her to share her problem with me cause thats what I will do when I have problems! I love her so much and I really wish i will understand her every possible way! Thank you guyz and girlz for helping me!
10-06-09, 10:58 AM
vashti

Are you sure this is about her not wanting you to solve all her problems, or could it be that she is feeling guilty/angry that her interest in you is waning?
10-06-09, 11:04 AM
Yggdrasil

Some people do not understand that you can not help someone else.

You can be there for someone else, support them, guide them, give them space and time to soulsearch when needed, but you can NEVER help them.

The only person who can help someone, is that person him or herself.

They have to do the work.

If you read this carefully, you should know now what to do.
10-06-09, 11:40 AM
damn2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yggdrasil [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Some people do not understand that you can not help someone else.

You can be there for someone else, support them, guide them, give them space and time to soulsearch when needed, but you can NEVER help them.

The only person who can help someone, is that person him or herself.

They have to do the work.

If you read this carefully, you should know now what to do.

Very good point, ultimately it is that person's own desire to change that will have to drive them.
10-06-09, 11:41 AM
Mish

Quote:

Originally Posted by raymond33 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

She started explaining that every time she tells me her problems, she feels even worst after.

Do you know why she feels even worse? I doubt it has a lot to do with you being too comforting.
10-06-09, 02:35 PM
IndiReloaded

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yggdrasil [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Some people do not understand that you can not help someone else.

You can be there for someone else, support them, guide them, give them space and time to soulsearch when needed, but you can NEVER help them.

This is all true. But there are some folks who seem to have a talent for making people feel like crap when they are working something out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mishanya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Do you know why she feels even worse? I doubt it has a lot to do with you being too comforting.

I would agree with this^. Her statement is a red flag about the way he is communicating with her. Perhaps he feels driven to solve instead of support?
10-06-09, 03:02 PM
Rollerderby

sometimes I feel worse after talking about my problems with other *people* too much. I prefer to deal with it in my own way. If you push her to talk, it's going to piss her off. Sometimes talking too much about it is like reliving it too much.

Yggie is also right. Guys seem to have a tendency to want to *fix* things. She just wants to vent, and needs the time to figure out her own answer. Some people you cannot help.
10-06-09, 03:35 PM
SAVANAH

Yes she has to sort through her problems on her own.
But be supportive, send her little text messages like 'I'm thinking about you' ask her if she needs anything, buy her her favorite chocolate, hold her when you see her, walk hand in hand, all those little things can make a huge difference and let me know that she doesn't have to worry about you and your relationship as she's got enough stress as it is.

SO... Just be there for her where you can, every thought counts.
It's what she needs and wants from you at this point.
Make her your priority for a while and tell her she does not have to return the favor, allow her to make her problems her priority now, the way you react to this is crucial and can make a big impact on her and your relationship, if she does not want to tell you her problems then tell her if she ever needs you to talk or anything, that you'll be right here for her.

Good Luck
10-06-09, 04:39 PM
Doc Durian

Quote:

Originally Posted by SAVANAH [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yes she has to sort through her problems on her own.
But be supportive, send her little text messages like 'I'm thinking about you' ask her if she needs anything, buy her her favorite chocolate, hold her when you see her, walk hand in hand, all those little things can make a huge difference and let me know that she doesn't have to worry about you and your relationship as she's got enough stress as it is.

SO... Just be there for her where you can, every thought counts.
It's what she needs and wants from you at this point.
Make her your priority for a while and tell her she does not have to return the favor, allow her to make her problems her priority now, the way you react to this is crucial and can make a big impact on her and your relationship, if she does not want to tell you her problems then tell her if she ever needs you to talk or anything, that you'll be right here for her.

Good Luck

Why does he have to be supportive of her neglecting him??? If he was a woman involved with a man, your advice would surely be different. I'm all about equality, having been raised by a mother who preached it to her numerous 5 sons, and 1 mere late coming daughter.

My advice to him, if he's really keen and in love.... to walk away.

No use being battered in real life, nor emotionally because someone wasn't sure how they felt about the other.

(THERE ARE 6 BILLION OR MORE PEOPLE LIVING ON THIS GOD GREEN EARTH, he/she could be doing better)

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