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I wrote about a situation in another thread on here. But basically I know I made the right decision in cutting off contact with an ex. Up until I did that every fiber in my body was telling me I had to....however since then I find it alot tougher then before.
Anyone ever experienced that? Knowing you made the right decision, but then second guessing yourself, and not having it feel like the right one?
I still do...7-8 years later. Its not easy, and it never will be. But you can never change the past.
I will say, the easiest way to deal with it is to not cut off contact completely, but allow yourself at least a phone call or letter 1-2 times a year. Too much more than that and you run the risk of letting yourself get re-attatched. (Or her)
I disagree with Cybog, only because of personal experience. I found when I stayed in contact, (even once or twice a year), it was too hard to move on. But once he moved to another country and was completely out of my life, it was like a great weight lifted off my shoulders. Everyone is different, I suppose and it depends greatly on how you feel about the person, (how deeply you are attached), but in time, it does get easier leight. I second guessed myself to the point of admiting to an ex that I'd made a mistake. He didn't want to try again, but wanted to remain really good friends. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I had to start doing things to improve my OWN life, alone, before I was okay with that. Now, I regret, regretting. It's weird, I know, but I wish I had never said anything to him about getting back together, because, although he is a great guy, he's just not what I want. If he had said yes, I'd be in quite a predicament now.
I wrote my response as if it were a guy.
For women, it's a different story.
How guys and girls "get over" someone they REALLY love is totally opposite.
Well, I'm a guy and I cut contact completely with my ex and I am fine with it now, and I know for a fact if I still talked to her that I know I wouldn't be.
Leight69, you did make the right decision, you know it. Your not second guessing yourself. You still miss her. You will continue to miss her until you are truely over her. Out of site, out of mind. Eventually memories will fade, and thus so will your love for her. Then you will be fine.
I think it totally depends on the relationship. My bestest friend in the entire world was the first love of my life. The bond we started in our relationship was a great foundation for an amazing friendship. But then the next guy I went out with was a completely different story. We both tried to be friends after we broke up but we just ended up hating and hurting each other. I guess there was just too much emotion involved. I'm still trying to figure out how I want to be with the man from my latest breakup. He wants to be friends, but is leaving it up to me. Don't let your self healing be put aside in the rush to keep that other person in your life as a friend. Self healing is important. If this person is someone you could be friends with, it'll still happen whenever you're ready to let it.
That was basically my point Cat8. It really does depend. When you really still feel something, at the very minimum some concern, you still feel the urge to call them occasionally or see how they are doing.
With the women in my past who I left on good terms, I still keep in contact occasionally.
And like I said: Someone they REALLY love. Its a lot different with someone you really cared for. Most of the times, you still care about them, at least enough to make sure they are still breathing once and awhile.
With the messed up broads, I could care less if they died of herpes.
Thats pretty funny because I said almost the same thing about my ex. lmao ! But mine was better. :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Cybog
It was pretty funny when I said it cause I was talking to my friend Nick about her like two weeks ago and I ended up saying all of this in a really eveil voice with only taking 1 breath before I started and then another breath when I finished:
"Destine is a ****ing slut that prostitutes herself out to anyone and anything and I wish she would catch aids or something and be in horibble anguishing agony for 7 days until finally she just dies from choking on her own bloody vomit while she feels every peice of pain that death has to offer while her organs burst one by one!!"
Yeah, I think I used something like that on another post on here like a week ago, too. Yeah some chick. I hate chicks like that. ****ing hell. They should all.. well.. I wont say it again. You all know how I feel.
=> Billy...
Yeah... agreed with what you're telling!!! :)
once u miss ur ex so much, u will continue miss him/her...
and u will started to think r ur decision right anot...
I don't care how much they meant to me or who broke up with who. Once it's over thats it, it's over - I don't play at being friends or even entertain that nonsense. I remove them from all aspects of my life, I don't seek to contact them and if they contact me I rebuff them pretty callously.
I aslo make it clear with any woman I'm with - 'I don't do friends with ex's'.
Harsh and pretty much unforgiving sure, it's necessary though and the best thing for both parties.
When I move on I move on totally - I made the mistake of trying to be friends with an ex before and it's utter stupidity unless you don't have a choice because children are involved.