Alright so, today is my one year annv. for going out with my boyfriend. Hooray, but not really.
Alright, I knew this kid since before we dated, almost for two years before we dated.
So one day he asked me out, I accepted, life was awesome.
We got along so well for the first six months, it was like heaven.
We would go places, try new things, always leave room for friends, and the work load was divided equally.
Now. For some reason, he just started getting worse, six months ago, when my friend sent me a rather awkward naked picture, as a joke. It was a bit too far, and he feels bad about it, but we were just joking around.
I am pretty sure that was the turning point, he started acting weird. He started accusing me of cheating with him, would not let me hang out with guys friends, or even my friends in general without throwing a little baby fit, always made me drive over his house, wouldn't want to do anything much anymore but sit at his house and cuddle, call me every five minutes. I would always call him out on this, and he'd get very defensive about it. Finally about 2 months ago, I would start yelling at him, and he finally broke down and said he'd change. Yeah, he'd change for a day or two, then revert back. We ended up having a big fight at least 3 times a week. Finally, on mother's day, I broke up with him for just that day, to prove that I would infact breakup with him if he didn't stop, and be the boy I fell in love with. Then he was better, for a few days, but was very paranoid and even worse. So the next Sunday, I broke up with him for about three days. This time it hit him hard, he worked so hard to change. He is very good at times, but he lets his other self show out a lot. He gets mad very easily, he has thrown me into a locker before on accident and has punched me in the back.
He just went on a trip for 9 days for a scholarship thing where he made some good friends (he just got back yesterday). He does not have that many friends, and I know why. He puts me above them all, and he can be awkward at times, but so is everyone. But anyways, he was good the first 3 days he was gone, the first day he was gone, he was with his parents, then the next two at that thing, and he was awesome. But then the next 4 days, he was a total asshole to me, asking me not to go hangout with any guys or say "you haven't cheated on me, have you?". I got fed up and I screamed at him, and he apologized and seemed to settle down.
I have a few side things to note.
1.) When he calls on the phone, we always say like "I love you", "I miss you", "I can't wait to see you." But he says it ALOT. I don't know if it's cute or not, but I do not like having the same conversation saying the same thing over and over and over. Maybe I'm just annoyed with him at this point and I don't like him anymore. I really would like to know. When I'm with him, if I don't talk to him that much on the phone like... a few times a day, morning and night time when I'm busy with friends or helping my parents, and we just hangout like 2-3 times a week (I have work and other friends), I'm totally in love. But when he calls all the time, and I have to see him too much, I get extremely annoyed. Like to the point where I just don't want to talk to him. I missed hanging out with him while he was gone because before he left, we went places, and I looked forward to his phone calls, but after he started getting paranoid while he was gone, I always got annoyed when he called.
Also, I went on a trip to Japan last summer, and I missed him so much, I called him when I could, and just talked about what I was doing. I didn't just sit there saying "I MISS YOU I LOVE YOU", I told him what I was doing, and that I missed him and loved him when I hung up, maybe also when I first called. But for some reason now when one of us goes somewhere, I usually don't miss him that much, sometimes it feels even better)
Also, when we do hangout, if I want to do something, he usually doesn't, so we don't, because he turns into a little baby. We used to do so much, but now we usually just sit around and do nothing. Also, I am the only one who drives and has a job. We may just be 17, but he used to have a job and drove his mom or brother's car. His job let out last summer, it was a little kid amusement park, but he does not put in a lot of effort to get a job. He gets apps sometimes, but hasn't turned them in, doesn't call them, and gets mad when they don't call back! The car business isn't really his fault since his brother's car broke down, but even when they have it, he won't use it.
He used to trick me saying his mom wasn't home from work so I'd have to drive him home from school so I'd drive him home, even if I had stuff to do, and so I'd drive him home, I'd see his mom's car and he'd be like "I'm so sorry no one told me, hey can you stay for an hour or two?". Traffic by his house is a hell hole, he lives 20 minutes away from me, AND did I mention, I HAVE STUFF TO DO?! My parents be home at 5, and I need to do a bajillion things. He doesn't give me gas money and I was okay at first, because his parents are not that financially set. But his mom like NEVER pays for anything.
Oh and his family, get this. His sister loves me and thinks I'm a loving, kind, cute person, who she can tell is shy! Which I am. His brother HATES me, because he thinks I'm not good enough for my bf. Excuse me? I deal with his emotional problems on a daily basis. He thinks I cause my bf emotional grief and he thinks I'm lazy and ugly, because he's used to dating skinny girls with bleach blonde hair, or just going around the town, doing all the girls.
His dad thought I back talked him once, but it was all cleared so he's okay with me now. He's just one of those guys who talks to my bf about "oh do you think this girl is hot". He's kinda like my bfs brother. Then his mom puts this act about liking me, but then she thinks I cause all his problems, blames me for everything, and gets mad because I'm so shy. Honestly? Obviously this isn't his fault, but he doesn't tell them how it is all his fault of how he acts, not mine. Honestly when my parents have the right idea, I tell them and make sure they know that I know what I'm talking about.
On one last note, he is a baby A LOT. He gets shady when I hangout with my friends (I don't like bringing him because he acts weird and clingy around them, and he used to call me rapid fire when I used to hangout with them, so now they aren't too fond of him), and if I hangout with a guy friend, he FORBIDS it without someone else there. I don't care if other people come, but if it's me and two guys, he's LIVID. I'm not unfaithful, and if my friends liked me, I'd be able to tell. Plus it's not like we all just lay in a bed together, we all go out and have fun, or play video games, etc. I don't act romantic to them, sure we joke around but that's okay. Plus me and my friends could all sleep in a big clump on the ground and no one would find that as wrong, but I can't sleep near another person with him knowing.
Finally, I really don't know, and I hope you guys can read and interpret this jumbled mess. I'm so confused. When I'm with him, I'm happy yet a lot of the times, I'm miserable. When we broke up both times, I'm miserable because I do not want him going out with another girl. He's my world and I do everything for him. I tell him everything, even when it makes him mad (if I go to Giant Eagle without calling him first, he gets mad). He was my first time, and I gave it to him, because he was my best friend, the one boy that I could trust with all my heart, and I do love him dearly. But now, he's not the guy I fell in love with anymore. He even admits at times that he does all this stuff, and he hates himself. He's very insecure and his parents will not get him physiatric help, because they think it's all my fault. I followed him for almost two years trying to prove that I was good enough to go out with him, and now... I don't know if it was honestly worth it. I rather still be that friend that he has feelings for, and may kiss on occasion, and just have fun with, then this. I hate not having freedom, I hate how his family views me, I hate the way he treats me, and I hate how the boy I tried so hard to get and the boy who was my best friend in the world, just changed because of something so stupid. I do not know what to do...
He actually just called and said he was sorry for treating my like garbage and he hates being such a bad boyfriend, and that he's an emotional baby and he hates himself. That's great, he knows he does wrong things, but he never fixes them for very long. He keeps freaking out because I'm late, and every time I have been, it came up later. I don't want to worry, I hate worrying and I just like having fun, but he actually broke into me a few months ago, and made me a giant emotional wreck. I hate not being happy, he made me so stressed and worry some, I actually gained 20lbs! I was doing great, and when I'm not stressed, I lose weight just fine, but his stress has made me rather unhealthy, and I hate it. He once said, and I will never forget this "I kind of don't want you to lose weight, I don't want other guys to be attracted to you." He's selfish, rude, and yet, I still cling to the hope that he may in fact change. He wants to, but lets his worry some and angry emotions overtake him.
I'm a happy go lucky girl who just likes to have fun and enjoy herself, I can get mad a little easily but I get over it. He used to be a chill guy who loved to have fun and go places, but now he's a paranoid jerk who hates himself and doesn't think before he acts. He wonders why people don't like him that much, but he always puts them on the back burner for me, and I hate it. He expects me to do that sometimes, and I just can't do it.
