In need of some MALE advice

Hi everyone,

So I'm new to this site and I googled (lol) it because I have been tearing up inside for a long time now and the advice I get from my girlfriends isn't cutting it anymore.

Ok, here is the deal: A year and a half ago I met this guy online who happened to live 2.5 hours from the school I go to. After a lot of yahoo chatting and webcam fun he finally came to visit me one night and we did the dirty. It was clear that neither of us wanted anything more than that when he left the next morning but to my surprise he called me the next weekend asking to come see me again and I said sure since I was looking to have some harmless fun anyway. So, every Friday for the next three months after work he'd come stay with me for the weekend and we'd chill or w/e until he left on Sundays.

Somewhere along the line I violated the #1 "just a hook-up" rule and told him that I had feelings for him. I even gave him a birthday gift, since it happened to come around while we were hooking up, which included a letter that pretty much screamed "I love you" in it without ever saying it. Needless to say, he bulted but he didn't do it in typical guy fashion: running in the opposite direction without so much as a good bye. Instead, he told me he "couldn't be intimate" with me anymore becuase he was "falling head over heals" for me and he didn't want to have those kinds of strong feelings for someone he thought it could not work out with (since we're from two different very far away states). So, I left it at that and didn't call or tex or write or anything.

But, then something like three months later he starts blowing up my phone with "I miss yous" and "I can't wait to see yous" wondering when I'd be back in town from the summer. Seeing as I missed him anyway I bought into it and when I got back to NC for fall semester I spent week after week listening to him tell me he'd come visit and he never did. One night he even called me to tell me that he "loved me" but it never went anywhere and he never did anything about it. To top it all off, I find out the only reason he was back in my life is because he was ENGAGED to get married to his ex but she apparently left him at the alter so I figured he thought of me as his second best fall back girl. I pretty much said "screw you" and when he stopped calling so did I.

Some seven months later he starts BLOWING UP my phone calling me and texting me to tell me he loves me, he's sorry, he misses me, he wants to be with me, he wants to regain my trust, he wants a second chance to make it right, he wants to move to my state and go to school there so we could be closer and it could work, invites me to fly to his state for a week and meet his parents, tells me he wants to meet mine. Like, this dude was not going to give up he was so persistant. After a long time of not giving him much attention it started to get to me and since I did care so much about him I started to seriously believe him and think 'OMG, finally, he wants to be with me, too and he loves me, too!" I bought a plane ticket and I got all xcited about it. Then one day, out of no where, he starts ignoring me: won't answer my calls or respond to my texts. After two days of that, I stopped and I haven't heard from him in almost a month. I canceled my flight and I don't know what to do at this point.

I'm stupid aren't I? Some of you would probably say there is nothing I can do and I know that but what do I make of it, is more what I am asking? What the hell could have possibly happened to make him out of no where stop wanting everything he said he wanted with me? After a year and a half of it, why?? And what the hell am I supposed to do when I love someone who doesn't love me, too? =\ Sigh*

I hope you see the re-occurring pattern here.

This person is not only using you, he's emotionally terrorizing you.

Don't you think you deserve better?

You're not stupid, maybe a bit gullible. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Instead, learn from this and don't make the same mistakes again.

As far as it comes to this guy: I suggest you tell him in that if he doesn't stop harassing you, he'll deal with the legal consequences of his behavior.

#1. Change phone number

Perhaps, he stopped calling you and whatever because maybe he hooked up with another girl? Or even, her Ex that he was engaged to?

If you find out why, proceed to #2.

- Terrorize him emotionally and destroy his new relationship (Of course using old phone number so he will not be able to reach you again)

then

#3. See number one, Skip number 2, Cry as much as you want. Sleep. Eat a lot of ice cream (Super kid ice cream is good!)

Get back on track in life. Like the other two said in previous posts, you need to realize what he has done to you, that you don't deserve this kind of guy, you deserve better because you are born in 88, Go out enjoy life, get with friends and meet new people and by meeting new people, who knows? Maybe you're prince charming is waiting right around the corner?

After this, it will only make you stronger and more aware of how cruel and heartless a person can be and how love is powerful..

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."

Since you already have courage, you'll only need to seek for the missing half :P

1 averagejoe

You know, I seriously thought that myself: that it was just a bootycall and I mean that's what it was for me in the begining, too. But then why all the silly romance bullshit? Why not tell a girl your only interest in her is sex and if shes cool with that she'll stick around and if not then oh well? Why go through all the trouble of romancing a girl if in the end it doesn't mean anything? Whats the point?

Booty call relationship. You say you start to have feelings for him. He replies the same in order to continue the booty calls. I must admit that it does sound like the guy is a little confused about what he wants. He may sometimes think that he really wants you. But it sounds all wrong. He has all of the power in this relationship and he has done nothing to deserve it. End all contact for yourself.

The guy just needs someone. When he has someone he does not bother. When he loses that someone he does what ever to try and get you back almost in a panic obsessive way.

It probably feels good when someone seems so desperate to be with you. So you remember the good and not the bad. Abusive guys live off of that. Abuse and then treat the woman like a queen until he is forgiven and then back to the bashing.

You are on a very bad circle time to get off.