Would you say i'm depressed?
I'm 17 and my mum thinks i am depressed as i feel sad a lot. But i do have reasons why i feel sad. These are:
1) I am still upset by my mum and dads divorce way back when i was 4 - growing up without a dad made me feel like i was missing out and i guess this is where i first became a little bit cynical about relationships.
2) I was bullied and that upset me - and i'm also discrimminated at school currently - not by everyone, but alot of people think i am someone i'm not even if they never tried to get to know me. They also have prejudiced views on some of my friends. In our year group, there are two main groups of people and even if my group is slightly smaller, some of us feel a little bit ostracised by the rest.
3) When i started my 6th form (college) my friendship group split into 3 and i was upset at how, because i flicked between the groups, i had nobody close to talk to and was often left out - i did sort of bring that on myself, but i felt that i was the only one making an effort to keep in contact with everyone and that if i didn't, nobody would have bothered to stay in touch with me.
4) I was stressed by the workload and didn't do as well as i had hoped in my first year - i would have liked to have got all As but i did struggle even to get a B in some of my subjects.
5) My mum once told me that she felt like a failure as a mother - that made me feel sad, because i can see that she never got the life that she always dreamed of - she doesn't have her dream house and i don't think she is super satisfied (emotionally) in her current relationship. And i felt that i had made my mum feel that way.
6) My brother once said that he felt as though he never fitted in with the family as my mum, my sister and me could all do girly things together and he didn't exactly have anybody to hang out with family wise. Both my sister and my brother thought that my mum loved me more than them which also made me upset.
7) My sister told me that she had already lost her cherry at only 13, that she took drugs and that she has no respect for herself - i tried my best to talk to her and she said she no longer does the drugs, only several months later, some were found in her room by my mum. My sister said that she had only tried them (which was a lie) as i know she had taken them before - i felt a bit betrayed by her as she had also lied to me.
8) The world makes me sad - not all of it mind - just all the pain and suffering that people get. I saw a picture on the internet of an African child hunched over on the ground so that he looked like a black rock - and he was hunched over to protect himself from the scavenging birds - and i just felt so so sad. Because in my society, everyone is like "OMG! exams are so important!" or "what shall i wear to this party?" and then you get millions of people, millions of children starving to death and fighting for their lives - and i just hate it how i feel powerless to do anything - sure giving money is one thing - but you could do that absent mindedly and then carry on living your own life without thinking about it - but i wish i could be a bit like Mother Teresa...
9) This is going to sound petty, but still feelings are feelings. I started to like a guy on a school trip to Barcelona. I have now liked him for a painful 1 year and 9 months. I told him in a story about my feelings, making it as sublte as possible. And he still talked to me even if he knew. And then prom came round. I was with a "date" who i only saw as a friend, and i thought he saw me as a friend too until he turned up at my door with a single rose, insisted on buying my drinks and then asked for a slow dance (which i said no to, saying how i hated slow dancing)
Anyway, when the guy i liked arrived, he saw that me and my "date" we dancing in a group and well my "date" was pretty much glued to my side all night . The guy i liked came up to my "date" at one point and talked, then he randomly commented on my outfit saying that i looked very nice and went away.. about 2 hrs later, i saw him kissing his ex that he hasn't been out with for 2 years. So of course that made me feel sad - well worse than sad - i went into the loos devasted and started crying just as the song "Iris - by Goo Goo Dolls" was playing. And i cried everynight for like 2 weeks.
My view of him has been tainted a little bit - and i hate how i let myself think that i ever stood a chance with him. He's still single though (it seems like it was just a kiss) and i really want to believe that he only kissed his ex because he could, and that he did it to try and make me jealous after seeing me with a date. But in reality... it's probably another story.
I used to get excited about seeing him as well, but now, i feel nothing but a heart wrenching pain...
So as you can probably tell, that is my main reason why i am sad at the moment. But, i think to myself, if anyone was going through all that, or had all of that on their mind, then they would feel sad too - well maybe. So do you think its depression? - if not, tips on what to do to forget my feelings for this guy would be great :D
X
