Relationship problems...

Printable View

09-07-09, 12:20 PM
Aeon666

Relationship problems...

Okay so me and my gf have been together for 10 months now. The thing is, there are some problems in our relationship, some of them i can accept and others i have trouble accepting. Im gonna start by saying my gf is italian; some of you might know what i am talking about when i say parent control, anyway her parents are extremely controlling, and a good example of this is i can't set foot in her house until we have been together for a year. Now that's something that pisses me off, but i can still deal with that. A major problem we have (well I have.) is its been 10 months now and we still haven't done anything sexually-speaking. The reason for this is because she doesnt want to do it before we get married, and no matter how much we talk about it, she doesnt seem to wanna change her mind. I have trouble accepting that, since for me this is an important part of a relationship. I am from Quebec, and it pisses me off because i can't have a normal relationship like everyone does, and there are a lot of things I don't like, like her always being late, she doesnt really take her responsabilities, she doesn't sleep (or goes to bed at 5 or 6 A.M) because she says she doesnt want to, and wakes up at 4 or 5 P.M quite frequently because she is always tired, and thus we can't do anything on mornings, and I am myself a morning person, everytime we wanna go out she has to ask her mom about it (even if it is only going for an ice cream on her birthday) and it takes forever until i can get an answer, and i can never sleep next to her (since she is not allowed of sleeping over). The thing is I really love her, but im not sure I am happy with this relationship, and i am starting of thinking of seriously leaving her because I feel I can't stand it anymore. The thing is, I do not think I am able to leave her, and i really don't know why I feel that way, I dunno if its pity or anything, the thing is I know it's gonna hurt her if i do leave her, and i seem to be unable to deal with that. Any help, views, or thoughts on my situation would be VERY appreciated. Thank you all =)
09-07-09, 05:34 PM
lizzy_09

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aeon666 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The reason for this is because she doesnt want to do it before we get married, and no matter how much we talk about it, she doesnt seem to wanna change her mind. I have trouble accepting that, since for me this is an important part of a relationship.

This is the way she was brought up to believe, so you have to respect that. I used to have this debate about sex before marriage with my cousin when I was in high school. But then I change my views after my ex and I broke off. Found out he was interested with men as I am. :emot61:Another example can be the marriage of Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey. She didn't want to have sex with him before marriage. So, he married her. But did it work? So, Jessica Simpson got her answers. I believe that their is such a thing a sexual compatibility as well. Maybe she should watch "Sex in the City" and place herself in Charlotte's place.

Quote:

it pisses me off because i can't have a normal relationship like everyone does, and there are a lot of things I don't like,

Hey, the girl has flaws, shortcomings and weakness as you do. At least she's being herself. Although, I agree with you on the matter that she doesn't make any effort to work together with you in your relationship as a couple. Relationships can die because people become lazy. Maybe her heart is just isn't into it?

Quote:

she has to ask her mom about it (even if it is only going for an ice cream on her birthday) and it takes forever until i can get an answer, and i can never sleep next to her (since she is not allowed of sleeping over).

It's part of the Latin culture which is to show respect to their elders. I remember I dated this guy once and he'd had to call his mom every time we go to another place.:lol:It was so funny cause I'm the woman.

Quote:

The thing is I really love her, but im not sure I am happy with this relationship, and i am starting of thinking of seriously leaving her because I feel I can't stand it anymore. The thing is, I do not think I am able to leave her, and i really don't know why I feel that way, I dunno if its pity or anything, the thing is I know it's gonna hurt her if i do leave her, and i seem to be unable to deal with that.

Who said breaking up was easy. We don't want to hurt the people we've come to care for but then again, we have to deal with it. And this is how we GROW UP. The question is do you want to STAND STILL? So, where does your heart really lie? Maybe you've just both moved on in different directions.
09-07-09, 05:43 PM
Yggdrasil

You're obviously not happy. What does that tell you?

Exactly.

Now do what you have to do, even if it's hard.
09-07-09, 10:59 PM
Aeon666

Thanks for the replies. I think that I will talk to her about how I feel with everything, but I kinda know it's not gonna do anything since I can't change anything in that...(i've already tried talking to her) but at least mabye she'll have a clearer idea now...The problem is I feel I can do anything, fight hard for our relationship, but it won't ever change.
10-07-09, 12:14 AM
Yggdrasil

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aeon666 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thanks for the replies. I think that I will talk to her about how I feel with everything, but I kinda know it's not gonna do anything since I can't change anything in that...(i've already tried talking to her) but at least mabye she'll have a clearer idea now...The problem is I feel I can do anything, fight hard for our relationship, but it won't ever change.

Can't change others. You only can change yourself.
10-07-09, 12:20 AM
Bumble_bee

did you know from the start about the strict family and the no sex before marriage?

if you did then you walked into this one didn't you?

Yggdrasil is right, its hard but what are you gonna do, stay in a relationship that is dictated by everything/one else but the 2 of you...?
10-07-09, 05:12 PM
icelady1983

You both need to sit down and have a face to face conversation about adults. You need to get your opionions and point of view across and she needs to do the same.

Relationships are about give and take and compramising and for a relationship to work you both need to willing to make the changes it can not be a one way thing.

As for the no sex before marriage, this is a part of her religon and background and you need to respect this 100% if you can not then it is not going to work. Also you knew about this from the beginning. If you could not respect and understand it then you should not have started a relationship in the first place.

Also you said you are not feeling happy, this is another sign saying that it is not going to work and that you are not meant to be. If you are not happy in a relationship then it just is not going to work.

I feel that you both need to have some space and time apart for a week or so with out any communication and then meet up and have the talk. This way you both have a chance to figure out what you really want and how you really feel.

I know you are scared of hurting her but if you carry on like this and do not figure things out then you will end up hurting her even more.