Mom and Ex - Tag team partners

My mom and my ex from a few years ago are friends, they have a great deal in common with each other and have always talked on the phone and gone to lunch together and that type of stuff, periodically. My ex and I are good friends, and generally I just call/introduce her as my friend.

A few days ago they had one of their little pow-wows, and I came up in their lunch conversation. She wasn't taddling on me, as she has kept some pretty big things about me from my mom that I actually thought she was going to tell her. However, she told my mom that I go out all the time and I'm with a different girl every time she sees me. She also told her that I paid for a girl to have an abortion(I'm not proud of it, but it was smart).

My mom called me up and asked me about everything and why I've been acting the way have the several months. She said that she taught me to treat women with more respect and that it hurts to see me becoming a womanizer(I am not one). I was really angry that she would call me up and interrogate me about my personal life like this and I fired her out like I never have before. I'm 23 and have never sworn at my mom before, but it was free flowing for a few minutes. When I hung up with her, I called my ex and yelled at her, much worse than with my mom. I can't remember much of what I said but I know said "I hate you" and I know I called her a c*nt and a b*tch several times. She was in tears long before I hung up, and is still really upset from what I hear.

Now I've had a couple days to think about it and she has always been a great friend, and I'd like to keep her as one. Like I said she's really upset, and I just don't know what to say if I call her. And is it ok to try and stop her an my mom from talking anymore?

Ah, that's rough. I would keep your arguing with the two of them to a minimum, as it will only make problems in the long run. I would have a serious talk with your ex. I don't know if you ruined that opportunity by yelling at her, but yeah...that's what I'd do...

There are things in your life your not proud of. Learn from those. Don't make excuses for the other things. If your Ex was taddling well now you know what you can and can't tell her. Let it all go.

I'm really over it now I think, but I don't think I owe her an apology. I need to talk with her and figure out how all of this came up in "casual" conversation like both of them implied.

general chatter leads to questions, questions lead to probing....I have to say, telling your mom something so personal is frikin stupid, and I guess you need to cool off for a while, make sure you apologise to your mum, If it was my boy I woulad have called you up and asked questions too...that's what mums do right?

don't stay mad for too long. Its out now, just tell her to respect that you tell her things in confidence, and that you expect her to stick to it even if your mother is being inquisitive.

Backup, you seem like an impulsive guy. People probably describe you as "passionate" when they like you and "volatile psycho" when they don't, right?

In my opinion, you need to work on some impulse control. It sounds to me like you completely lost it.

Gigabitch, I have to say you are right on all 5 counts. I did overreact, and I did tell my friend a while ago that I was going to tell my mom about the abortion, but I never actually did. I'm usually very calm and easy going, it's just when I do get angry it goes from a 2 to a 10 in about a second. I've apologized to my mom, but I really don't think my friend deserves an apology. I'm pretty much over it now, but I still don't know how to approach my friend and if I should tell her to stop talking to my mom or not. They both like each other and I think they get the picture now so it's probably ok right?

I thought this was going to be a thread about how a guy had a 3way with his mom and girlfriend.

Sick world, ain't it?

Have you ever been successful in telling someone they shouldn't be friends with someone else?

You don't have to like it, but it sounds like the two of them are very close. You don't really get to choose whether they maintain a friendly relationship.

However, you can ASK that if you come up as a topic of conversation that one or the other politely changes the subject.

You don't have to apologize for being upset at having your privacy invaded (though the best rule of thumb is if you don't want anyone to know, don't tell anyone), but you should apologize for losing your cool. Few things in life give you carte blanche to act like a total ass.