boyfriend's past celebrity hookups and more
hi everyone, i'm new here and really need advice!
*note: all the incidents of hookups descibed happened years before my boyfriend and i met; we are faithful to each other*
ok so,by sheer coincidence--my boyfriend is not a celebrity nor does he work with them--but totally randomly, my boyfriend of 8 months has made out with or maybe groped...not to get too graphic just want to be specific...with 2 relatively famous female celebrities before we met. not hugely famous or in magazines all the time, but enough that sometimes i have to see them on tv on E! or in magazines when i'm trying to have a relaxing day. one is a model who is the sister of a high school friend, the other attended his college. it totally annoys me. i forget about it for a long time and then see one of them in a gossip magazine or whatever, and get angry. my boyfriend and i have a great relationship, we are quite serious and feel this is our first true love although we've had long relationships before, but we are very happy together. however this issue, which might be related to me being slightly threatened by his past--hes slept with 150+ people--granted, ive hooked up with a lot myself (hooked up with at least an equal number, but not slept with very many in comparison, and started later), but for some reason his "number" brings up emotions--makes me feel weird. i'd really like to just get over this stuff. some of the hookup insecurity is feeling that due to a dysfunctional abusive family background i have never been "myself" and acted how i wanted to in the past, but acted on fear and rebellion and false shyness, which bothers me. i compare it badly to people with nice families that got to be "free" like my bf. more on family background in later paragraph.
both of his celeb hookups were a drunk one time thing. i also think a part of what upsets me is that he can't understand what it is like to see these people on tv because i don't have any famous past hookups that he has to see. we also ran into a girl he was friends with that he made out with once, and he's never had to see anyone i hooked up with before as of yet (she was in another aisle at a store far away and only waved and smiled and said hi at him so i didnt get a chance to be introduced as his girlfriend which hurt my ego.) im generally paranoid about girls trying to flirt with my boyfriend in front of me, as if they dont respect me relationship or might think im a joke and worthless and hes hot and they can disrespect me and our relationship bc i dont matter and am invisible...i felt this way with that girl and many women in many relationships...but this is also insecurity due to comparing my family background with my boyfriends, which i attribute to his confidence, and childhood issues how i was treated, and past bad dating choices.
anyways...if anyone has any thoughts about how i can get over that or maybe his past too, that would be great. the reason i get upset over his past is because i feel he had some exciting casanova lifestyle and i didnt, making him somehow better and more desirable than me. he also has never been broken up with and didnt understand why past breakups hurt my ego, which made me compare myself as a mere mortal to him as a god.
this is all tied into that my family is quite dysfunctional and abusive at times and his is quite happy and stable, and i tend to compare how i "turned out" as an adult badly with how other people did and feel that my family upbringing makes me "messed up" and inferior somehow--or that i missed out on a real fun life like i imagine he had, dealing with my family
anyways....if that makes any sense, i just would love some help, i recently saw one of the celeb's pics in the news and realized it was still bothering me.
thank you!!!!
ps i should add my boyfriend knows all of these feelings, and accepts them, and has told me repeatedly i am the only woman hes ever been in love with, and that if he could take back all his past hookups if hed ever known it might upset me for even a second, he would. he also says none of my "baggage" etc is a burden in any way. im just posting here bc this feeling i get when i see magazines etc bothers me and this issue doesnt seem to go away. i really love my boyfriend more than anyone and that is why i desire to resolve these issues. tbh they arent constantly bothersome, but annoying when they do get to me, and i think its time to get help getting over them, bc i love my bf. thank you!!
