Really Helpful thread i found!!!
I did not write this!! i simply found it on another forum site and found it extremely helpful!!
Ex Back Through The Laws of Attraction (DNS' Original Post)
Here is a copy of the original post by a poster called DNS on another forum which puts forward the theory on getting your ex back through the Laws of Attraction.
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This will be a large post. In times of despair, sadness and fear of losing something outside yourself, it is so good to remember that at that moment, you find that something inside yourself again.
This is from an old posting on the old Forum. A beautiful example of true help and insight at the right time...which is always. I read this many times over, just to keep focussing on myself and the love I feel is always there but sometimes...somewhere.
This is NOT my posting. It is from DNS. All honour goes to him, so does mine for through this writing he helps me still a lot. Wish I could tell him that someday.
Use it and fuse it.
Cheerz
Kerwin
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"I've seen this question asked over and over on these boards:
"Can I Attract my Ex Back to me?"
The answer is YES! You can you attract an ex-lover back into your life.
I can tell you emphatically, that you can absolutely, positively, without a shadow of a doubt, attract an ex-lover to you again.
I know because I've done it. I'm living proof of this mysterious and miraculous phenomenon! (In reality, it is not mystifying or miraculous or any such thing). As a matter of fact, I have brought ex-girlfriends back into my life on several occasions). And I'm a regular guy. I'm no former underwear model by any stretch. I'm not a celebrity. Nor am I a millionaire (yet, that is, lol)
My problem has never been attracting exes back. It has been maintaining or developing the actual relationship following getting her back into my life. So, if maintaing it is your issue then this is not the thread for you. This is solely about step one: attracting him or her to you again.
I am currently dealing with this very situation as we speak with a particular ex. I can say that she has been the love of my life. I've attracted her back on several occasions even though she was the one who initially decided to end the relationship.
Now, when I say "I attracted her back", I don't mean the way it looks currently, and quite frankly, even the way it looks now isn't dim. But that would be misleading to all of you reading this. I am saying that she wanted to give the relationship another try, full steam ahead. But, I let my own reservations about moving forward take root. So, I dragged my feet a bit, because my trust in her was a bit shaken. And she drifted away again. And guess what? I attracted her back into my life again. I've done this with several exes. So this is not a unique case.
Currently, I've already attracted her back into my life. So, I'm past dealing with it in the same way which many of the members here are speaking. I just simply will not settle for the relationship in its currently state. I never advocate allowing yourself to be used. Believe me, people who truly are in love with you and truly want you in their lives will use you, if you let them.
I won't go into all of the gritty details of "my story", but I will tell you this much: for you heartsick people out there who think "his situation is not like mine" let me tell you right now…you're absolutely correct. It wasn't as bad as yours.
IT WAS WAYYYY WORSE! LOL!
At its lowest point, this woman and I pretty much said it ALL to each other; insults, arguments, accusations, curse words, hurtful things, etc. After the break up there were other romantic interests involved, etc. It was nasty. I would try to reason with her and ask her why we couldn't be together (basically, and I admit this with no shame, that I begged, and pleaded with her; and completely lost this woman's respect in the process). I mean, she was GONE. She wouldn't communicate with me.
I heard it all.
* "I DO NOT LOVE YOU"
* "I HAVE NO FEELINGS FOR YOU"
* "I DO NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU"
* "I CAN NEVER SEE ME EVER FEELING THAT WAY FOR YOU"
* "WE WILL NEVER BE TOGETHER AGAIN"
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, YADDA, YADDA, YADDA…LOL!
And then, there were the silent times when I heard nothing from her, at all.
And was I hurt? Hurt doesn't BEGIN to describe the pain I felt. I was crushed, depressed, and devastated. I was a shell of my former self. Getting out of bed in the morning required a Herculean effort.
But that was before I knew how to use apply the Law of Attraction CORRECTLY in these matters.
(And I tell you this; all of that pain you are feeling is of YOUR OWN CREATION. You have to take responsibility for that if you want any shot of having another chance with your former lover!)
So, I tell you this so you can know that I've been where many of you are at right now. Matter of fact, I've been lower. And I still attracted her back.
Remember the things I told you she said so long ago that indicated there was no hope? It meant nothing. As little as a month ago she admitted that she still was in love with me. And this wasn't the first time she told me she loved me. I've been told this several times in the past despite what she originally said about her lack of feelings or love for me. She has even asked me to spend time with her on several occasions in recent weeks. I agreed the first couple of times. But have declined these opportunities lately because they set a bad precedent. (Don't allow yourself to be used!)
See, at this point, the attraction has been re-established. The relationship, in purest terms, is there. The fellowship is not there yet though. And that has to be established by showing self-control and self-respect. But I know that the Universe is taking care of all that for me. So, I don't concern myself with it.
So, for me, it's not about attracting the ex back. Now, keeping or fully developing the rekindled attraction, or relationship…well, maybe Dr. Phil can help me figure that out!
HOW DID I DO IT?
But, how did I attract her back the first time when I had clearly behaved so needy, and insecure? Well, I placed the focus on me.
A lot, not all, but many of the posts I've read here on this topic are really approaching it the wrong way so I've broken it down into five, easier to read parts:
***PART 1: WHY PEOPLE SAY IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO USE THE LAW THIS WAY?***
Well, one thing I've learned is that the Law of Attraction is never wrong. When a person is hoping and asking for one particular person back, he is really operating out of fear. He is afraid to let go. He fears that he has lost something. When his lover left, he mistakenly believed that Love left too. As a result, he becomes sad, fearful, needy, insecure, clingy, and desperate. Then he hears about this wonderful thing called the "Law of Attraction" or "Universal Law" and instead of applying properly, he applies it to the fearful delusion. The Law then gives you what you most feared instead of what you really wanted.
The point is that if you continue to act like that person is your happiness, the source of your love, and that you will not find love unless it is with them, then stop now and recalibrate. Because you've already guaranteed yourself failure.
If the only time you feel truly happy is when you imagine them back in your arms, then STOP and RECALIBRATE! Because, you are applying the Law in a manner that will guarantee them moving further away from you. That's not to say that you can't feel happy when you imagine him or her in your life again. Not at all. It just cannot be the ONLY thought that brings you happiness.
(Interesting Note: Ever notice how simply imagining your former lover back with you can give you a sense of elation or happiness? This happens even though they're not currently with you. That's the whole point. It was never them that made you happy in the first place. It was you the entire time. Otherwise, the mere thought wouldn't change your mood!)
You must begin to use the Law to improve YOU. You must use the Law to attract the things, people, situations, qualities and traits that will make you a better, complete person again. This will INFLUENCE, not manipulate, but INFLUENCE your former lover to CHOOSE to feel that attraction again.
I read one post that said "if your ex knew you were doing these things to get them back, how would they feel?" Would they be more attracted to you?
Ask yourself, would you be more attracted to a person you ended a relationship with if you knew they were doing all this to get you back? I doubt it. It would come across as the most desperate, pathetic, needy display of self-loathing you had ever seen. It would push you further away.
The real secret to sparking the return of a lost love is to realize that, usually, when we focus on retrieving a lost lover, we are focusing our attention on retrieving the wrong person. It's not your former lover who is lost…it is YOU!
The Law oftentimes works against what we think we want in these matters, because we are focusing our energy in the wrong direction. This creates a pushing or repelling sensation instead of a pulling or "attracting" one.
***PART 2: WHAT ABOUT YOUR EX'S RIGHT TO FREE WILL?***
A lot of posts seem to be overly concerned with the Free Will thinga-ma-bob.
Yes, free will exists. Yes, your ex has free will. GASP! That really shouldn't be a news flash! You really think you're going to overpower your ex's God-given right of free will just because the LOA says you can have anything you want? Umm…if it were that clear-cut, you'd have them already.
FREE WILL DOES NOT NEGATE THE LAW OF ATTRACTION!!!
It's simply puts into effect what I would call a different condition of the Law. For instance, in physics, it is shown that gravity affects all object the same in a vacuum. But when you add atmosphere, gravity appears to work differently on objects of different mass. In truth, it doesn't. It's working the same. There are just other forces at work that you didn't take into account. It's the same with the Law of Attraction. It's still working even when the will of another independent free agent is at work. You just aren't accounting for those other forces.
When using the Law with people, we must understand that it all about influencing that person to freely exercise their will to be attracted to you. You never want to override someone's power of free will. To do so would be the antithesis of love. Instead, you want to evolve into a version of yourself that would powerfully influence your ex-lover to CHOOSE to see the attractive qualities in you again. This means focusing on YOU! NOT THEM!
***PART 3: TAKE THEM OFF THAT DARN PEDESTAL!***
Your ex is not special. I mean, they are, but only in the same way you are. They're not granted with some special power that the rest of us don't have. They go to the bathroom just like you. They have regular bodily functions they tend to daily, just like you. Despite how beautiful you think she is my friend, give her a couple of days with no deodorant, and she'd stink to high heaven!
The point I'm trying to make is that he or she is just a flesh and blood human being. Honestly, they resent the pedestal upon which you've placed them. You gave them a place in your life they never wanted; the place of YOU! You should be the only one on the pedestal of your life, period!
