Long story, don't know what to do.
My ex and I dated for three and half years. Seven months ago, I broke up the relationship after a really nice date. I told her I didn't love her anymore. The real reason was to let her go so she can find someone better (I did not tell her this). She was emotionally upset but she politely accepted it. A week gone by, I regretted my decision and tried to go back to her. Well, she turned the table and said the same thing. She didn't love me anymore.
She named all the reasons why. She suggested that we should be friends. I said okay. Then, a week after, she said she doesn't want to be friends. Puzzled, asked why. Her reason was because it will only make things worse for her because we'll be dating other people. I understood and agreed but didn't really want to. She became a whole new person.
She became a total bitch. She didn't want to talk to me or respond to my texts. No, I wasn't texting/calling her everyday. I was in a wreck on Valentine Day (three months after the breakup). I was in shock, I called her. No answer. Called her house phone, she answered, she sounded very frustrated. I told her I was in a wreck, she asked if I was okay, I said yes, she hung up. I cried that day. That was a very traumatic day.
April 1 (four months since the break up), I got her some flowers. I felt like being nice to her. She texted me a thank you. On my birthday, April 7, she didn't call me what so ever. I was hurt. A week after that, I ran into her at school (we both go to the same college) and she talked to me. Apparently my sister told her off by not wishing me happy birthday. Silly sis. She wanted to tell me about that but never apologize for not wishing me happy birthday. I told her I understood why she didn't. She moved on. We departed.
May 1 (five months since break up) I was tired and wanted to move on but in order to do so I had to give her the last thing I was hanging onto that remind me of her. So I called her to arrange a meeting, to my surprise, she answered the phone. She said "What do you want?!" I responded, "Uh, nothing... Don't worry about it." Keep in mind, I haven't contact her for over a month or so. I went to the place where she work, and told her coworker to give her this postcard. And I walked out with my heart a little lighter. An hour later, she called and called. I ignored it. Then she left a voice mail. It was pretty nasty. So I called her back, she answered it. I tried to be Mr. Nice Guy which I played for so long but I couldn't. I snapped. After five months of things I held back from saying were out. I told her off and she was speechless. I hung up and I felt good.
June 5 came by (six months from the break up). It was our anniversary. I forgot to cancel the flowers I ordered a year ago. Yes, I ordered flowers a year ahead. The card read, "Sorry our last anniversary didn't went well. So I went ahead and order these a year ago. No matter what happened, if we lose our spark, I'm sure we find a way to rekindle it again." Ironic, huh? Anyway, she got them. No response. I didn't care... much. But it got me thinking about how I was acting and how I acted during the whole course of the relationship. I'd been such an immature kid. So, June 16, I ordered her flowers. The card read, "I was scared and I ran away from our relationship. I didn't want to admit it. Thank you for not taking me back then. I grew up a lot because of it since I was such a kid. I hope you liked the flowers. I do want to be as good as you deserve and make you smile again one day. Take care." She got them, no answer. I called her the next day, she answered. I asked if she got the flowers, she said yes, I told her that I'd been such a kid. There was a long silent. She said, "Is this the last time I'm going to hear from you?" I said, "It should be." She responded, "Okay," and hung up. I took a deep breath and relaxed. I was relieved.
A week after the phone conversation, I was leaving school, got in my truck, pulled out of the parking lot and I looked out of my driver side window, and caught her staring at me. She jumped when I noticed. She walked away quickly. A friend of mine told me that she still got a pic of us (me giving her the promise ring) on her facebook pictures. I look at her myspace page from time to time to see if she's doing well. Lately, her Myspace Music Player is nothing but love/breakup song. Now, I'm doing my best to not contact her whatsoever. I have only contacted her two times this month (July). A text saying, "Hope all is well," and a myspace message, "Wanted to say hi and see if everything is alright."
I would like to add, since the break up, I fixed a lot of issues she told me about, went back to college (I was a college dropout), lose 50 lbs, got a better job, and actually have money now.
I'm not sure what to do. I can't seem to get her off my mind. I'm doing my best to move on and not think about her. I'm still working out and dieting. Working a lot. School is about to start again so I'll be busy again. I want her back but I'm sure that's not possible. But shouldn't love deserve a second chance? Sigh...
