Was it fate we broke up?

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12-08-09, 05:35 AM
SouthCarolina

Was it fate we broke up?

ello my name is SC and I'm new to the board. I came to help others and because I need some advice.

I went to USC from 05-09. During my time I was in ROTC and met a girl Jessica. We became friends and she always had my back. So it turns at the end my my junior year, we kissed and became interested in each other. The next year we dated and had a awesome relationship. We soon found out that we we're by coincidence going to be stationed at the same base in TX. Everything was perfect and fate was on our side.

Around January, I was arrested. 1 month before I was pinning on my bars, I was kicked out. Worst part is that she recieved a new assignment days later. To colorado.I was devistated but I swore I would do all I could do and she did too. I went and saw her a month ago and everything was great. I told her that things will work for the better and someday, not soon, but later, I would fix this and we would be together.

6 days ago the stress from her new job got to her and she ended things with me purely because of it. I asked if she loved me and she said yes. She has been getting depressed and upset because she is alone and doubts herself at her job because she is new at it. I don't blame her.

I said I would go out to see her and make things better. She said don't because it would hurt her to see me. She said she always crys when she gets off the phone with me and is having some adjusting issues. I find her to be one of the most independent people I know and the fact that she ended it with me seems she really had some problems.I was her support as well as a boyfriend/love.

Now I do not know what to do. We have not spoken since and I am not going to see her. She told me not to go. I want to fix things but if I reach out to her I may mess it up, I could just wait for her but that may never happen I have no idea. Could there be another motive? her family made her brake up with a b/f but he was bad to her. They are religious and my occurance with the law might have messed it up in there eyes. I asked her and she said no about advice from her parents.

Also, a few days prior to the break up, I tryed asking her questions about where we were going etc.I think this was a catilyst for her decision. Maybe made her unsure or possibly scared her.

Do I wait for her to reach out to me and talk? I am very confused...I truely love her, and this is coming from a person that doesn't fall for many people.

Thanks,
SC
12-08-09, 05:44 AM
Yggdrasil

Question: what were you arrested for? Drinking? Bar fight? Why did you get kicked out? Insubordination? Repeated offenses?

When it comes to her: she says she doesn't want to have contact with you. You'll have to take that word value, stop asking yourself why, what and how, and especially, stop trying to 'fix' things.

There is nothing to 'fix'. It's called life, it suxx. Your best course of action is to leave her be. If she has a change of heart, she'll contact you. If you try to 'fix' things, you will only make things worse and push her further away.

Leaving her be is your best bet, eventhough that does not mean she will come back to you. It simply is your best bet, either way.

Hope that makes sense to you.
12-08-09, 05:52 AM
SouthCarolina

I was arrested for a minor marijauna charge. Charges we're dropped and I won my case. I am currently fighting to win back my rotc/military career.

That makes plenty of sense but at the same time. Shouldn't we fight for what we want (directly or indirectly) meaning love? I know I can't force anything. But I can at least be her friend again because I do care about her. I have to keep going in life and maybe see other people. Maybe one day, who knows, we will make up. But I'm not counting on it... very much.

"Just because one person jumps off the train, doesn't mean the train has to stop" -Me
12-08-09, 07:42 AM
Junket

Quote:

Originally Posted by SouthCarolina [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Shouldn't we fight for what we want (directly or indirectly) meaning love? I know I can't force anything. But I can at least be her friend again because I do care about her.

No, we shouldn't.

At least not all the time, and definitely not in your situation.

Ignorant males have a tendency to try to fix and fight their way to their goals. Unfortunately, that doesn't always work when it comes to romance. Though that determination will do you good trying to get back into the military.

And stop lying to yourself about wanting to be her friends. Guys aren't just happy being friends, otherwise you wouldn't have been involved romantically in the first place. Be happy she's been pretty straightforward with you rather than tugging you along on a long leash.
12-08-09, 07:49 AM
IndiReloaded

No fate but what we make. :)
12-08-09, 09:31 AM
Yggdrasil

Quote:

Originally Posted by SouthCarolina [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I was arrested for a minor marijauna charge. Charges we're dropped and I won my case. I am currently fighting to win back my rotc/military career.

That makes plenty of sense but at the same time. Shouldn't we fight for what we want (directly or indirectly) meaning love? I know I can't force anything. But I can at least be her friend again because I do care about her. I have to keep going in life and maybe see other people. Maybe one day, who knows, we will make up. But I'm not counting on it... very much.

"Just because one person jumps off the train, doesn't mean the train has to stop" -Me

Even trying to be her friend is not what she asked for right now.

Look, I don't really know how to explain this any better as I did in my first post.

Anything you will do, to fix things, or to stay in touch with her on any level, or even to call her on the phone, will backfire one way or the other.

I only can stress that your best bet is to simply leave her be, as she asked of you. That's the respectfull thing to do and the best way to show that you listen and care about her.

It's the only way she may (I emphasize MAY) make a 180 degree turn.

Anything else, calling, talking, visiting her, sending her a text or email, will simply push her further away.

I understand this is sort of going against your feelings and 'better judgement', but it's a simple fact of life that if someone wants to be left alone, the worst one can do is the opposite.

Try to use reason and logic on this, not emotion.

I think right now you should focus on yourself and getting cleared so you can continue your career. Throw all your energy in that. The rest, will become clear in time. You'll just have to trust me on that one.
12-08-09, 09:21 PM
Raze

Choices, not fate.
15-08-09, 03:27 AM
SouthCarolina

I agree about fate,only choices. I still have not heard from her but I know shes'not the person that needs to talk or hear I love you everyday"

I cannot do anything. I espcially can't change her mind. I may have started this by asking about us but her family etc is proboly saying this is the best thing for you... to start your new life.

I will email her next week just to see how she is doing.
15-08-09, 04:36 AM
Raze

Quote:

Originally Posted by SouthCarolina [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I agree about fate,only choices. I still have not heard from her but I know shes'not the person that needs to talk or hear I love you everyday"

I cannot do anything. I espcially can't change her mind. I may have started this by asking about us but her family etc is proboly saying this is the best thing for you... to start your new life.

I will email her next week just to see how she is doing.

Just remember that fate is non-existant. We are a product of the choices that we make. She made a choice just like you did. No fate involved.
15-08-09, 04:57 AM
IndiReloaded

Quote:

Originally Posted by SouthCarolina [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I was arrested for a minor marijauna charge. Charges we're dropped and I won my case. I am currently fighting to win back my rotc/military career.

That makes plenty of sense but at the same time. Shouldn't we fight for what we want (directly or indirectly) meaning love? I know I can't force anything. But I can at least be her friend again because I do care about her. I have to keep going in life and maybe see other people. Maybe one day, who knows, we will make up. But I'm not counting on it... very much.

"Just because one person jumps off the train, doesn't mean the train has to stop" -Me

Work on yourself, young man. I get the feeling you are clinging to this gal because she represents some kind of stability for you. That's not fair to her. You have to sort out your own issues.

To have a healthy relationship, you have to be whole within yourself.

Take care of your business. Get your case resolved. For gods sakes, learn your lesson about the pot. There are many who agree the marajuana laws are stupid, but you are too young to be fighting the system. Jump those hoops, establish yourself, THEN you can make effective changes from the *inside*. That's how its done, kiddo.

Success isn't correlated with fewer mistakes. Its correlated with being smarter b/c of those mistakes and not quitting when it gets tough.
16-08-09, 04:45 AM
SouthCarolina

Quote:

Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Work on yourself, young man. I get the feeling you are clinging to this gal because she represents some kind of stability for you. That's not fair to her. You have to sort out your own issues.

To have a healthy relationship, you have to be whole within yourself.

Take care of your business. Get your case resolved. For gods sakes, learn your lesson about the pot. There are many who agree the marajuana laws are stupid, but you are too young to be fighting the system. Jump those hoops, establish yourself, THEN you can make effective changes from the *inside*. That's how its done, kiddo.

Success isn't correlated with fewer mistakes. Its correlated with being smarter b/c of those mistakes and not quitting when it gets tough.

Thanks..I am trying hard to fix my situation. I agree she may want something like her and more stable. yes its not fair, but the same goes for her because she is infact unstable. We should support each other... "together we stand, divided we fall"
16-08-09, 09:49 AM
Tug

SC, she's expressed her feelings to you and as hard as it is to let go you dont have much of a choice in the matter. I know it sucks but you cant make someone love you especially if their 100's of miles away from you.
04-09-09, 06:44 AM
lucyinthesky

Start off by sending a short handwritten letter agreeing with the breakup. You can't just keep on smothering, it will only drive her away. I know from experience. After the letter you can move forward with other methods of getting her back.