In a strange and painful situation with ex-gf. Need help!
The story of me and my ex-gf could easily be a long, long thread but I will try to condense it as much as possible. We started dating November 1st, 2008, three months after she broke up with her on/off boyfriend of 3 years. She immediately cut all contact with him because she had faith in us and quickly fell for me. Everything was fine for 6 months, until the end of May he started contacting her, and wanted her back, and she went back to him (yes, she cheated on me). First I tried to forgive and forget until I decided she was extremely unsure of what to do, so I let her go. I didn't want to be with her if she wasn't sure about being with me. After that I cut contact, and within a week she was texting me to see how I was doing. I responded and we chatted a bit. At that point, I decided I wasn't going to talk to her anymore.
She called me randomly mid-July, I ignored. I've been doing really good without her, getting happy again, living for myself and just enjoying myself. So she texted me randomly a few days ago to check up and see how I was. I've been so happy with life that I decided I was able to talk to her. Then she asked if we could get together cause she needed a friend to talk to and missed talking to me. I said, "Sure". We ended up hanging out and talked about the last 2 months of our lives, and as the night went on it became pretty apparent she was 1) missing me, 2) pretty unhappy overall with her ex (even though sometimes things are ok) and 3) considering leaving him. We had a great heart to heart, and she was very physical with me (I didn't allow her to cheat, but she was hugging me, holding me, sorta tried to kiss me...in other words, it could have happened if I kissed her).
It was stupid of me to see her, I know that. I should have known all my feelings weren't gone, but up until she left me, I wanted to marry this girl. No doubt. She is what I want in a wife (minus the cheating of course!). It's extremely confusing to me because I KNOW deep down she is a good person, just confused. People will tell me otherwise, but trust me: I know.
I feel like I could forgive her, even though normally I would NEVER forgive a cheater. But with her, I could. I can't explain it. I wish I hated her guts, I wish I never wanted to be with her again, but I LOVE this girl.
She wants to hang out in a few days, and I just get the feeling she's trying to decide between me and him. Not healthy, I know and not fair to either of us. I don't want to play games, but I'm looking at what I'm risking losing if I tell her to get out of my life forever. I know this isn't an ideal, fairy-tale love story but life never is. I love this girl to death, no matter the hurt or pain she caused me. She KNOWS what she did to me, and she feels horrible...she is just extremely confused.
So...that being said, where do I go from here? I know it's not healthy for her to bounce back and forth between guys like this. Trust me, I know. I don't want to be a rebound, a second-best, a runner up. I think deep down she knows what she wants but won't come right out and say it. The way she talks about her current bf...well, it's not very flattering. He's not a very good guy, it's just that they have a lot of history together and she can't seem to let it go.
Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!
