Dillema --- Please Help.

Hi ladies and gentlemen,


I have given my relationship a lot of thought and I am stuck. I need your help to untangle me from this deadlock. I just don't know what's important in a relationship anymore!

let me give you all the details. I'm 24, my gf is 25, and we've been together for 1 1/2 years now.

We started off so fast and perfect. At that time when we started, I was going through hell at work, she came into my life showing me that there's more to life than work. She introduced me to new music, new friends, she is a social butterfly. I had my social life too, but I was pretty tired with the mundane life I was going through. I believed everything she said and so I began to suffer socially at work and realise I have got to plug a hole before my career juice slips out completely (all this happened in the span of 6-9 months).

now that I have place my priority back to my career. I realise that she may be too absent minded with her life. Even after all the arguments we had, she has learnt to love me for the person that I am. She loves that I love my work and the things I do at work. but the more I focus on my work, the more I'm having reservations to committing further in this relationship.

Adding to it, I'm going to give you a slight introduction in my ex-relationship. In my previous relationship, my ex-gf doesn't have much passion of life, she doesn't socialise as much as I did, plus she didn't seem to have any interest in the things she does. Needless to say, I felt lonely, and we didn't last long. I told myself, the next gf I'm going to have is going to be somebody that loves life and enjoys her living. My current gf loves life and enjoys her living. (so what's the problem?? you may ask - read further)

I'm a foot taller than my gf. I'm considered well build and I stand on an optimum height, and she's well below the average height of a female. You see, we were so in-love that i didn't bother all of her other qualities... as we got deeper into this relationship, i began to think about marriage and kids, and if I were to tie this knot with her, I will be sentencing myself with high possibility of my kids to be below the average height. As humans, we should be going through evolution, that's how we advance, that's why we will be going taller not shorter. Being conscious about this, I will have to be responsible for the height of my kids. which adds further into my thoughts about committing further.

my gf has a remarkable personality. She's passionate about life, strong and a great social butterfly. She loves me.

With what I have now, I can get more. but what's important in a relationship?
should I be more emotional and let the dice fall where they may? or should I be logical and see what else the future has to offer?



please enlighten me,
your friend,

blaze

:)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by blazin823

I'm a foot taller than my gf. I'm considered well build and I stand on an optimum height, and she's well below the average height of a female. You see, we were so in-love that i didn't bother all of her other qualities... as we got deeper into this relationship, i began to think about marriage and kids, and if I were to tie this knot with her, I will be sentencing myself with high possibility of my kids to be below the average height. As humans, we should be going through evolution, that's how we advance, that's why we will be going taller not shorter. Being conscious about this, I will have to be responsible for the height of my kids. which adds further into my thoughts about committing further.

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First of all there is no more natural selection so humans are not really evolving. Secondly there have always been humans that have grown to be over 7'. It was just alot rarer in the past because height depends alot on nutrition. Over the past few decades the avearge hieght of asian people has risen. This is because they are eating diets that are higher in carbs.

I am one of the shorter people I know (5'8" isn't that short but I know alot of tall people) and I don't think its bad at all. Its easier to tie my shoes and I can fit in smaller places. Think about flying too. I think those seats are tiny, I wouldn't want to be 6'6" and trieng to squeeze into one of those. There is nothing wrong with being short.

It looks like you are trying to find reasons to end this releationship.

Agreed being tall isn't all that great. Im 6'5" tall and there are a few things I notice being tall gives me.

Everyone approaches me saying damn you are tall! (Think about how to answer that one. I just say thanks now.)
Everyone makes you get stuff for them.
You hit your head on things everyone else doesn't. OW!

If you love her, which I assume is the only reason youd marry and have kids with her. Things like you are discussing will never cross your mind. Personally I find personality to be 90% of all relationships. When you first meet someone appearance becomes their first focus yes but from then on out confidence and the rest of ones personality play a much larger role.

I agree sounds like you are running over trivial things in the relationship.

the fact that you are having such doubts as these, already lets me know that she is not what you want and there has to be a much deeper reason than you are letting on, or you are just thinking to much into everything. This is ONE of the imortant things in a realtionship (my gf has a remarkable personality. She's passionate about life, strong and a great social butterfly. She loves me. ) These are wonderful and beautiful traits to have in a person you are with. Are you in love with her? To me it dosent sound like it. Marriage dosent have to come now you are still young and have your entire life ahead of you. Go slow, take your time there is no need to rush into things. Look for me, soon. :lol:

Guys / gals thanks for your replies! appreciate it!

Yes, I do agree that personality is a beautiful trait to have in a person. i do love her and have feelings for her. She is definitely one of a kind. that is why we were so into each other when we started, so much that i didn't really care about her physical traits.

now that we have come to a point where i have to decide to make a commitment, i have become conscious of the consequences of my decision. after all the things i read about how men of below average height's social acceptance is (no offence), it tells me to to think twice and not get too emotional about this.

I do understand that not all great people are determined by height, (e.g. more than half of all F1 drivers are 5"10 or below and they get all the F1 babes). Adding to that, look at will smith (6"1) and jada pinkett (5" 1). and kylie minogue (5"1)

So what is it that's important in a relationship/marriage? for a female, i know they would prefer a man who's more physically build to protect, and has enough resource to provide (not to mention all the other personality traits e.g. humour, caring, considerate...etc).

What should be important for a guy in a girl?

Thats up to what you think you want in a wife. Someone that you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with is basically a must. If you do break it off with her dont say what your saying now unless you want to bash her confidence to wayyyy below 0.