I don't feel sexually attracted to my girlfriend
Hi,
Let me first introduce my relationship to you
I have been in a relationship for close to 2 years. I live in China. She is Chinese. Our relationship has been full of ups and downs.
Also, I have cheated on her in the early stages of our relationship. No love but few sex affairs. It always remained short. I told her once that I had cheated on her with several girls and we got back on a better relationship. From then on I stopped. That was more that 1 year ago.
Soon I felt not so attracted to her kisses... Even repulsed. And more specifically during the sexual act. I did not know how to talk to her about that. We were still having sex.
Soon she also found out a way to cum every single time, and very fast. She just had to come on top of me and ride me in a specific way. It so happened that I did not so enjoy that. I also was unable to discuss that with her.
Until I had to because I was becoming depressed. I felt she was too greedy about sex, only thinking about her own satisfaction and taking everything from me without sharing with me the moment. I almost felt as if I was treated as a human sex toy.
She was affected of course... She stopped doing that, but then she did not know how to behave anymore in bed. I had also lost my feelings so I was not coming after her so much anymore... And if I was, I was often disapointed by the kisses, the touch, everything... So I kinda did not want to touch her anymore...
We broke up again. Somehow she discovered a sms in my phone that was telling a friend of mine that I'd enjoy having sex with that other girl I had met in a bar, followed by a sms to her asking her for a date... Anyway that was stupid... But she threw stuff in the house and we broke up quite bad.
I met another girl on the next day. That girl is the root of my today's problem. Somehow I slowly started to like that girl... and soon we got into sexual relationship. And it was like heaven. She is a sex goddess.
Meanwhile my ex and I talked and got back together. Maybe our sexual relationship was failing but we were still close. Sometimes when I think of my relationship with her, I think we are like best friends.
Unfortunately I was not able to stop with the other girl. Every moment with that girl was a good time. Especially sexually we were strong together. I can't tell if we could hold the distance because we are not yet best friends. Finally I broke up again with my ex.
I was convinced that that new girl was gonna be the one... But somehow in the middle of that storm I had a doubt. And I decided to give it some time.
That was until I talked for one last time with my ex. Well we both put our heart on the table. I told her everything about that other girl... And we both decided to give it another chance.
I told that new girl that I was gonna go back with my ex because I felt it was unfinished... It is hard but I am sticking to my decision. I miss her though and especially I miss the sexual aspect of the relationship. I did not fail yet but I might... Just thinking of her and I get a hard on.... She also is trying to attract me back to her... So far I stood firm.
Meanwhile I tried to cherish my ex and give her the best. It's only been 1 week+ that we are back. We had sex on the second day we were back and it was great. I enjoyed all even her kisses. It's been about one week (she got her period), yesterday night she wanted sex again ... She started with some heavy kisses, licking my chest and tummy ... It was too strong, I could not take it. I asked her to slow down... She came back kissing me... Her mouth was so wet and so wide open... Somehow I could not take it. I felt repulsed again. Finally, even though my body was craving for sex, I pushed her away. We talked about it ... Somehow I feel as if the connection with her is lost... On top of that I miss that other girl's body.
I had in mind that if it could not work with my ex, I would not go back to my new girl and just move on... But how to fight this desire? It's devouring me...
Can somebody give me some advice?
