Girlfriend wants to take a break but doesn't want to fully break up.(long)
Hi all. I thought this would never happen to me... boy am i dumb.
Let me start off by saying I am 21 and she is 20. She is my first everything and I am her first everything. We've been going out for a little over 3 years. We were at one point engaged and broke it off because we thought it was too early. She seriously thought I was the one and I felt the same way. We loved each other soooo much but things went downhill recently.
Now let me tell you what went down from 2 nights ago. She tells me we need to talk about our relationship. She says she doesn't know if she wants to be with me. I flip out cause she is a sweet shy girl who I thought would never do this. What do I do? Well instead of waiting for her to get out of work to talk on the phone I drive 45 minutes to her work and surprise her when she gets out. However, she is shocked I came and wasn't neccesarily happy. She told me she had plans for the rest of the day (it was 330pm) I asked if she wanted me to help out (she had to help her 94yr old grandparents with some chores) Before I offered to help though we got in an arguement. I was upset at her reaction of her by me surprising her and visiting her. I said "arent you happy to see me?" she said something like "yeah but im busy. I told you that"
Anyways I go help her grandparents out and she doesn't want me to touch her or hold her hand or anything. After helping her grandparents we had a long talk about our relationship and I wanted to fix things and offered suggestions. She completely acted like it was no big deal and most of the answers out her mouth was, "I dont know" Now I get angry and call her an airhead because when I asked her what I just said when talking about our relationship she didnt know what I said (she has ADHD so it possibly isnt her fault) and I leave. Now she is going to pick up a friend (i knew this beforehand) and saw her drive in front of me as I left. I decided to follow her to her friends house and apologize. I then ask if she wanted me to hang out with them for the night and she said sure.
We 3 decided to watch movies at her house that night. They went to blockbuster and told me to just meet them at their house. Anyways we all watch them but anytime I get near her she says loudly "stop, what are you doing?" This is when I put my arm around her or something. She just says she wants to watch a movie. Now she is shy around her friend and I understand this because when her friend went upstairs we were making out. She enjoyed it too. I ask if she wants to come over to see me the next day and she says ok.
Fast forward to tonight and I walk out to see her. I get no hug or "hi how are you." first thing she says is "I need to leave early" She wont hold my hand on the walk back to my house. She had stuff in both hands but I offered to hold it. Anyways we get inside and she is talking to my family and I go upstairs and kept saying "I want my old girlfriend back" She used to love being with me and holding my hand, etc. Anyways I talk to her afterward and said she has changed and I love her and want us to be the way we were before. (I had tears in my eyes saying this.)
She wanted to watch a movie I hated (hannah montana movie lol) and I sucked it up and watched it with her. Anyways she said she had to leave at 10 and after we finished it was like 930 and she kept talking about having to go. I get mad and say if you are so worried about going home then go now. I said you get what you want and then leave. (referring to watching the movie)
Anyways Im walking her out and am pissed and throw my keys on the ground and shout "WE'RE DONE!" and then say "goodbye". Then realizing im an idiot I ran to her and apologized. We talk for awhile and she says "I don't want to hurt you" and eventually she says "I think we should take a break" "I dont know if your the one for me" I was seriously crying at this point and shocked I kept asking about if we can still make it work and all she said is "i dont know I need time alone to think about this" The strange thing is she kept saying "I love you" back to me during this conversation and we kissed a couple of times. When I said I dont want to take a break she got really sad and said "You want to end it permanently?" as if she implied I meant that. The way she said it I knew she didnt want that.
Anyways she said she might want to see other people to see if I truly am the one for her cause she doesnt know (keep in mind this is both our first relationship) She tells me I treat her bad and she doesnt know if she could forgive me. (I hinted at breaking up before a few times but as I tried going through with it I realized I don't want to lose her within a minute of trying to. This is what she was reffering to) Now I agreed I am a jerk and wanted to change. She said she thought about this for a long time and I said "why didnt you tell me anything so I could fix this problem before" she said "I was scared"
Anyways when I said i will change she says "how will you know that?" I kept assuring her I'd do anything for her and promised to change if she would give me one more chance. She said "I dont know"
After she left I ran to her car trying to catch up to it as it drove off. I felt like I died inside. After failing to stop her I grabbed my keys and followed her home and called her like 20 times before she picked up. I went to her house and talked to her. She seemed annoyed and when I asked if she wanted me to leave she said "you can stay" and seemed like she didnt want me to leave. Anyways we talked for a lil bit and her sis came home and thats when I left and I said "I love you" she just said "uh huh"
Anyways she texted me saying I don't give her enough space and she wants me to hang out with my friends more. She says I smother her so she cant be herself. She is totally right. I had no idea. In the beginning of the relationship she called/txt'ed me like 20 times a day and now she almost never calls me or txts me, I have to do that to talk to her. She just recently obtained a group of friends and spends more time with them and they take priority in her life and I take a backseat. Before this she talked to me ALOT. Im worried because she now has a group of friends im old news. She hangs out with a lot of guys and loves the attention now (she never used to have that) and she just told me she had a movie night and invited a bunch of guys and girls but only 1 guy showed up. I was concerned. She seems to like to see me jelous and says stuff like that with a smile.
Anyways I want to fix our relationship and my plan was to call her mom up (she wanted me to buy a cable for her tv and hook it up) and bring it over along with some flowers and/or a handwritten letter of how I truly feel and apologizing on her next movie night (sunday). This would give me an excuse to be there and also I could possibly stay and hang out with her and her friends. (she always wanted me to come to one of her movie nights and I havent)
Is this a good idea? Any advice on what to do to fix things and prove I really will change? I would go to any ends for this girl and seriously want to fix things. I know she still has feelings for me I just dont know what I should do to prove it to her that I will give her space and never try to break up unless i mean it and not be a jerk. I figure i'll give her space until I meet with her this sunday. 3 days is enough time to let her think right?
