HELP! Long distance relationship... Need some advice...

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29-09-09, 04:47 PM
Happiness89

HELP! Long distance relationship... Need some advice...

Me and him have been together for 3 months... He is a apart from me about 3 hours distance... In short, it is a long distance relationship. I knew that TRUST is very very important in a relationship, especially for long distance. I trust my boy, just sometimes he like to chatting around in msn without my knowing. Of course chatting in msn is very normal, but why he is appearing offline while chatting in msn, is it he is doing something and scare I know or figure out about it? I love this guy so much, I am so into him... Because of this is a long distance relationship, it's hard for us to meet always, plus both of us are student. He has class and me too. Recently, we have quarrel quite a number of times... I just feel like sometimes he is trying to hiding something in order not to let me worry or what. He told me that in a relationship we shouldn't set a rule for it, but is it talking through phone everyday is a rule? I just wonder won't you will eager to chat with your partner to listen his voice??? I need some advice on it, your contributions is deeply appreciated... Thank you so much!
29-09-09, 05:04 PM
Happiness89

Anyone? I really need an advice on this... As I really love this guy so much... I knew that physical contact and interaction is very important... But both of us are accepting the fact of long distance relationship... Is there any way to build Trust? I am still young on this, may hope any experiencer here giving my advice... Thank you so much!
30-09-09, 06:00 AM
jayne

Girl, honey. Find yourself a new hobby like... horse riding, skating. you will feel better about yourself, guys don't like clingy girls, it you start something new you have more to talk about and you will appear more independant.

Wanting him of needing him is a turn of for guys. The same reason you want a strong male to protect you and keep you safe. A strong man needs a strong woman. Think cave man. When he leave to bring you food cave guy wants to know that your looking after the kids. If you can't cope it makes him feel Baad. Cave guy takes this personaly after all it's his job to make you happy, he's just got back and your not pleased to see him because you worried about who he has been seeing. He draws away from you to gather his thoughts on what he's done wrong and this make you feel even more pushed aside. Be pleased to see him when you can and on the phone tell him about all the fun you'vr been having, hearing you happy will make you appear care free and this in turn will please him.

Believe it or not three hours isn't that far. How about leaning to drive.
30-09-09, 06:24 AM
Gigabitch

Yeah, three hours is totally doable if you're committed. Just make sure you're not the only one doing any work in the relationship.

And CALM DOWN. You're clearly way too worried about this.
30-09-09, 06:29 AM
loudrims_inc

i would be suspicious about that person appearing offline too...IMO...u should ask him y he appears offline when he's not? ...it could be innocent tho, maybe he doesnt want other people to see him on...but u def should find a hobby as jayne stated...it will be much easier to handle the situation...im in a long distance relationship as well...we are 12 hours away from each other but theres alot of trust and we talk everyday...yahoo helps...
30-09-09, 06:30 AM
Gigabitch

FYI, I always appear offline. I like to choose who I chat with.
30-09-09, 06:31 AM
Junket

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

FYI, I always appear offline. I like to choose who I chat with.

Have you been choosing not to chat with me??
30-09-09, 06:32 AM
Gigabitch

Actually, I don't even really get onto msn or Aim any more. I would definitely choose to chat with you and you know it.
30-09-09, 07:26 AM
Junket

It's been years.

I've been getting on AIM a little more frequently, but that's not saying much.
02-10-09, 04:24 PM
Happiness89

Thank for you all contributions. Anyway, maybe I am worry too much. My bf always said I trying to exaggerate a thing. I just love him very much... We committed to each other... I knew TRUST is very important. So loudrims_inc told that he has a long distance relationship... 12 hours apart. Mine 3 hours is nothing...Anyway, loudrims_inc, how long have u been together with your partner?
Thanks guys!
02-10-09, 06:03 PM
flea

I disagree with 3 hours being 'nothing'. I was in a similar situation many years ago in the early years of my relationship, and 3 hours is definitely enough distance to feel disconnected from your partner and what they're doing.

In my situation, I had just joined the Navy and was away from my friends (that started hanging around her and her friend a LOT after I left) and normality as I knew it. to hear about her having fun, particularly with my crowd, actually didn't make me feel better - only more disconnected. long-story-short, almost 20 years later we're still together and still very much in love. it's never really been easy, but with a bit (read:a LOT) of effort from both sides, it's absolutely do-able.

I guess what I'm saying to the original poster is that he just needs to know that you're there for him no matter what, and he will be there for you. don't be a sucker though.....if there's something dodgy going on with his online activities, hit him up for some honesty and call him out on any bullcrap.
03-10-09, 01:49 AM
loudrims_inc

Quote:

Originally Posted by Happiness89 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thank for you all contributions. Anyway, maybe I am worry too much. My bf always said I trying to exaggerate a thing. I just love him very much... We committed to each other... I knew TRUST is very important. So loudrims_inc told that he has a long distance relationship... 12 hours apart. Mine 3 hours is nothing...Anyway, loudrims_inc, how long have u been together with your partner?
Thanks guys!

i been with her for about 4 months...we have had some tough days but that just comes with the territory. We talked to each other about all the great days we are going to have when we finally be together permanantly and we also discussed the bad days we are going to have but we both agreed to accept it and try our best. At the moment, we r growing stronger with every passing day. Some things that help us is, assuring every day how much we love each other, how much we miss each other, we get on yahoo and chat all the time, i teached her how to play chess on yahoo(she beat me for the 1st time lol), We email pix back and forth all the time, i send her some video interviews to her(interviews i made specifically for her), i tell her some jokes so i can make her laugh and assure to myself she is happy, etc...I even made a song for her using the "Careless Whispers" Instrumental by Kenny G:D
...which she loves!

I worry all the time to but thats just normal...the 3 keys things to remember IMO are:
1- Trust(obviously)
2- if u argue/fight, pls resolve it ASAP(or it will escalate to something worse)
3- Talk to one another and share your feelings and thoughts (Assurance is important)