Girl trouble... any personal insights?
First of all I've already discussed this issue to death with my parents, friends, etc... but I need an anonymous audience with greater experience to give me some tips here. So here's the problem: I recently met a girl about 3 months ago and was instantly attracted to her, but as is my usual manner, did nothing about it. Not to say I'm a social introvert, but I usually could care less about a female except for sexual reasons. With her though, I noticed right from the start that I was actually attracted to who she was and wanted to get to know her, which is a first for me. Not one to break tradition, I didn't actively pursue her. You can imagine how happy I was when she actually pursued me, and the two of us got together. We "saw" each other every night for the better part of two months, and I told her I wanted to wait to have sex. The reasoning behind this decision was very simple; I had never had sex before and didn't want to until I was absolutely certain that I could trust her. So one night we're making out, kissing, petting, and I decided to throw caution to the wind and let her take my virginity. In all fairness, she had no idea I was a virgin because I had told her otherwise. I was too embarassed to admit that I was 20 and still a virgin, so I told her I had done it a few times. So we made love and it was ****ing amazing, to be perfectly frank. I still can't get it out of my head; the way she looked when I first entered her, the way she smelled, the way she breathed. I'm sure many of you remember the first time, how it felt like you were melting into the other person...that's the most accurate way I can describe it. Naturally I reached orgasm pretty quickly, but as we had sex more and more, I became much more confident and skilled, which she told me she really liked. I have always been big on foreplay and such, but she confessed that it didn't take much to get her turned on, so being the caring, considerate person I am I gave her exactly what she wanted, how she liked it. We were inseperable, and then it was like she disappeared off the face of the earth. Apparently she had just got out of a lengthy two-year relationship with a typical "jerk" and wasn't over it, and couldn't do a relationship thing right now. But here's the catch; she told me in confidence that she didn't want anything to change between us. She still wanted to hang out, she still wanted me to write her poems, she still wanted to be with me basically, but couldn't have the title of boyfriend with it. So yeah, I thought that was fine. So we do that for a little while, but I notice that slowly she is becoming more distant and detached. If there's one thing I can claim, it's that I can read people like a book. I knew something was wrong but she wouldn't talk about it, so naturally I asked her what was going on. Well, turns out she changed her mind again and doesn't want to see me for weeks on end now, which is the current situation. Naturally I'm a little confused about this, especially when I ask her direct questions and all she can say is "I don't know..." From what I can gather, she still wants to hook up, but doesn't want "boundaries." I am crazy about this girl and have been since the first time I saw her, and this is very hard to deal with because of these feelings. I'm sure I left out a few things, but the way it seems to me is that she really doesn't want anything to do with me and can't say that because it would make her feel bad, which it should. I have always been on guard against becoming entangled with someone else, but she was relentless, so I relented. I get the impression that she doesn't like me so much as what I do for her. Admittedly, this is coming from my own biased point of view, but what do you guys think about this? Should I just forget about it and move on, which is a possibility, or fall back and give her time to get her head straight? Oh, another small detail; I am not religious and do not believe in God, which she cannot get over apparently. She is very religious and has gotten through hard times in her life (father passing away recently) with her faith, which I respect, but has mentioned that it bugs her I am without faith. She basically tried to convert me, and this irritates me greatly. I guess the signs are fairly obvious that all we had has run its course, but I really can't accept that. I appreciate any experiences/insights/tips any of you would be willing to share. Sorry for the page-long rant here but I could write a book on this. Thank you.
