First broken heart

Just had my heart broken for the first time.. I was hoping joining some forums would help =(

I'll try and make this as short as possible. I'm 17 years old and this was my first love.

A year 1/2 ago I met someone. We started dating almost immediately. We were in a long distance relationship. At the beginning, it was ok. We were really in love. We talked a million times a day, and he was very clingy. But I liked it (probably wrong, I know). We broke up a bunch of times during that year because I had/have MAJOR trust issues. In May we broke up for 2 months. Got back together in July until a few days ago. Every time we broke up, we continued to talk. The last month or so was the worst. I wore him out so bad with my constant need to create problems, that everything changed. We didn't talk as much. He told me he doesn't love me the same anymore. We both had enough and broke up a few days ago.. for good. I'm so devastated. Like I said, at the beginning he was so clingy and I LOVED IT. Near the end, he stopped and I got crazy and became obsessed and clingy instead. He recently said that he's dealt with our breakup because he was preparing for it. We were always fighting lately and he said that's why he's fine now, because he knew it was gonna happen and now he's going on with his life.

The fact that I screwed this up makes it so much harder to deal with. If I had just shut my big mouth and stopped being so crazy, I could have held on to this. When we were together, things were good. However a lot of times, I would feel insecure, and make up a fight or look through his phone. That obviously caused problems. I fell so hard for him, and now it's all gone. When we broke up a few days ago, I said I'd try to be friends. He says he still cares about me and loves me but he needs to move on. It just seems like he never wants to talk to me anymore. Today I told him I'm not speaking to him anymore. I deleted him from my Facebook, phone, etc. I really want to try and not talk to him anymore.

But I don't know how. I can go 2-3 days without talking and then I get the sudden urge to text him. How do I stop?

It all hurts so much. I think it's because for the first time, I realize it's really over. I cry all day. My chest literally hurts. When I think about the future; him finding someone else, or me 5 months later not being over him.. I panic. I'm terrified of the future. I'm terrified of waking up every day experiencing this pain all over again. I don't blame him for his love for me changing. I killed him every day with my immaturity, insecurity. But it's so hard to accept.

Yesterday I told him I wanted to move close to him. I thought about it a lot and I wanted to move in with my aunt so I could see him every day. He said I was too young to live on my own and that I needed to find a secure job, and finish my school first. He said to give it a few months of thought and space. Sometimes I don't think he loves me at all anymore. He says he does, but I don't know.

I'm so heart broken. I'm still so in love with him. I don't know what to do. I don't want him to be with anyone else. How do I stop talking to him? Will he miss me if I do? I'm scared of being alone. I really think we could have lasted had I not been such a screw-up. Now I'm lost.