My new girlfriend is a ...

I meet a girl about 3 weeks ago and I guess we are now officially boyfriend and girlfriend, but there's something bothering me about her.

I am a very straight guy and I only had sex with the few steady girlfriends I loved in the past. She's very different; she had some steady boyfriends as well, but from what I know so far, she had sex with a lot of guys just for pleasure, without being romantically involved with them.

She revealed to me that she also had sex with some women when the subject was brought up on a TV show we watched. I know most guys would be turned on by that, but I'm not into lesbian fantasies. It doesn't bother me that much, but after she told me that, I asked her if there are other shocking things I should know about her. Then she dropped the real bomb; she once had sex with 2 guys at the same time. Now this is one big turn-off. When she saw the reaction on my face, she tried to tone it down by saying she was drunk and that it wasn't really a good experience. Still, all I could think about was that she's either a nymphomaniac or a slut. Which is certainly what these 2 guys were thinking of her as well.

She has a rather impressive circle of friends and I feel like I can't look at them in the eyes anymore while I'm with her since I have no idea who did what with her and when. She also has a long list of MSN messenger contacts and I wonder if she actually "hooked up" with any of them before.

Despite all of that, she is an intelligent and cultivated girl and we share a lot of common interests. I really like her and I enjoy being with her, but I'm very uncomfortable with her past. If I had knew all these details before, I would probably never have got close to her, but now it's too late.

She knew from the beginning that I'm only into serious relationships, but I'm starting to wonder if I'm just "another guy" on her long list. I don't know if I should give it a try anyway or just put an end to this.

Hey Uncertain. I dont blame you for feeling the way you are. I expect it was abit of a shock for you when she told you. If I had a girlfriend and she told me that I would react the same as you. This girl, just because she has slept with some guys doesnt mean she is a slut, I expect she just likes it and it is a way of exploring herself. I know you are unsure on what to do with her past but what you gotta remember mate is that it is in the past. You cant change the past, but you can always learn how to improve on things for the future. Your girlfriend seemed to have (in a way) regretted some of the things she has done in the past. But my advise for you is to sit down and talk to her about it because its clear it has effected you alot. If she loves you as much as you love her she will be honest and straight to the point with you. She seems to be quite a nice girl from what you said and you said you enjoy being with her so I think you should talk to her and then 4get about it and move on. Life is too short to think about what mistakes you (and others) have made in the past.
Also one more thing. If you do talk to her tell her you just want to know and that if she tells you the truth it wont change anything between you and her. Because if you love her as much as you say you do....you will forgive her for whatever she has done. All I can say is good luck mate. I hope I helped a little bit :@ stay in touch...Scott
PS if you ever what to talk about it feel free to post me a private message or post here.
Good Luck!

You know I sort of have a bone to pick with this . . .

In college, I dated a man who had been with two women. He asked how many people I had been with and so I gave him my number and he said he couldn't be with me because I was more experienced than he was. I swore from that point forward I would never give out my number again. I will say that I have been tested for STDs and have always been clean, I will say that I have been faithful to every man I have been involved with, but I refuse to answer "how many?"

There's a serious double standard in our society - men can sleep with as many girls as they want and they are studs, a girl with the same number of lovers is a slut.

If you can't get over her past - then you need to break it off, because somewhere out there, there is someone who wants to care about this girl for the person that she is not a number that is part of her past.

In the future my advice would be ask the questions that you need to know the answers to in order to protect yourself but don't ask questions that you really don't need to know the answer to - does that number change WHO she is or what you like about her? No, but knowing about the experiences she has had may very well keep you from ever being able to really trust your relationship and that is unfortunate.

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Originally Posted by jslaughter

You know I sort of have a bone to pick with this . . .

There's a serious double standard in our society - men can sleep with as many girls as they want and they are studs, a girl with the same number of lovers is a slut.


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I knew someone was going to bring this one up. Just to make things clear, I don't really care if she had sexual intercourses with 10, 20 or 30 different guys. It's the fact that she had sex with 2 guys at once that bothers me. I find it difficult to see legitimate reason to do such a thing, unless you are a genuine threesome, which wasn't the case. I hate the idea that there are 2 guys out there who probably still brag about that time they f*cked that "slut" together.

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Originally Posted by Uncertain

I knew someone was going to bring this one up. Just to make things clear, I don't really care if she had sexual intercourses with 10, 20 or 30 different guys. It's the fact that she had sex with 2 guys at once that bothers me. I find it difficult to see legitimate reason to do such a thing, unless you are a genuine threesome, which wasn't the case. I hate the idea that there are 2 guys out there who probably still brag about that time they f*cked that "slut" together.

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Yeah I understand. I guess I would feel the same about that if that happend to a girlfriends. The idea of a girlfriend that has had a threesome with 2 other guys would worry me too. I agree with you I dont see a reason why either. I also agree with you about the guys bragging about it. However, just because your gf had a threesome with someone doesnt mean she is a slut. However, there are some guys in the world that would think like that and that would say things like that "Oh yeah I had a threesome with some "slut" ect . If it really bothers you why dont you talk to her about it. Ask her questions like "Why did you do it? (but say it in a nice way) then that way you will find out the reason. Just be intrested in what she says, as there must be a reason why she done it. You said she didnt think it was very good so she prob regretted it. But dont be nasty to her about it (not that you would) Just try and understand. I hope that has kinda helped. :S Doubt it has but hey!
Good Luck Mate
Iluvanna2004

Actually iluvanna, he's already said that she was drunk. I think she probably would not change her answer anyway.

I think what's most important is asking yourself whether you are really affected by her having a threesome. If you can live with it then just LIVE WITH IT. If not, then you'd have to let her go somehow. But if you think you are already in too deep but are affected by the threesome incident then you could maybe consider moving away or something? I don't know. Discuss your apparent discomfort with her.

And "Chasing Amy" is RA here in my country which means that I can't watch it (underage :P).

we all have skeletons in our clossets as i am sure you do too. And i know that if some guy talked about something i did in the past to my b/f he would probrably knock him out im sure of that. he loves me for who i am & not what i did in my past. i am a good girl to him and i always treat him honestly fairly and with respect & these things are important to him. I think that you need to figure out what is important to you. If it bothers you so much that you are miserable then move on because it wont work. Talk this out and dont be so judgeMENTAL

You need to let it go and get over it - if you can't let HER go. Learn from this experience - relationships are hard enough without LOOKING for trouble to bring into them - so don't ask questions you don't really want answers too.

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Originally Posted by IluvAnna2004

If it really bothers you why dont you talk to her about it. Ask her questions like "Why did you do it? (but say it in a nice way) then that way you will find out the reason. Just be intrested in what she says, as there must be a reason why she done it. You said she didnt think it was very good so she prob regretted it. But dont be nasty to her about it (not that you would) Just try and understand.

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And this plan, of asking her questions about it, well that's just going to make her feel like you are punishing her. She will immediately realize that you have a problem with it and you are about to create some major waves in your relationship.

Let her go man

(Chasing Amy - good call, that is dead on to this situation.)