8 year relationship over, wondering if i have the right perspective on it
OK Im just getting out of an 8 year on again-off again relationship which was that way because he was in and out of jail several times, the last time for almost 4 years. During that time I let him know that the relationship was done, that I could not continue living a life where I never knew if he was going back to jail or would finally turn his life around, and got involved with someone else. When my ex got out of jail, he did what he could to end that relationship, and was successful in that, and we got back together. I was swayed by his promises of doing the right thing and giving up his crime life and turning his life around. However he feels that I cheated on him by having this other relationship, but we worked that out and he "forgave" me. A few months later he was back in jail again, and once again I told him that I was done with him, that a jail relationship was not what i wanted and that unless he could get out and immediately get a job and be normal it was over for us, completely. He did get a job, but it was on a casual basis, and left him too much free time and he started to hang out with his old friends, and was never around to actually have a relationship with me. Nothing I said or did seemed to get through to him to make him see that he was causing our relationship to disintegrate. He only wanted to see that I had "cheated" on him and used that as his excuse for not being here.
A few weeks ago, we were having a huge fight (as we had been everyday for the previous 2-3 weeks) and he left and later texted me saying he wasnt coming home and that he was in a hotel room with a "young, hot , brunette" (I am 10 years older than him and blonde) and also texted me a picture of a girl from the shoulders down. We managed to resolve that fight and when I asked him about girl he said that she was a friend of the person whose house he had been at and that he only sent the pic because he was angry at me. I could understand that because I have done similar things myself, and I let it go. Then 2 or 3 times he received phone calls from a girl we know but always had odd answers for why she was phoning him, and I was suspicious, and let it be known that I was more, than once. The next few weeks have been a constant battle about one thing or another, mostly about him leaving here to do something and being gone for 2 or 3 days, as well as him breaking plans we'd make to do something together, and finally he got sick of me being angry at him and he said we were done and he was moving out. All this time if i mentioned that i thought he was involved with this girl he would deny it.
Yesterday he came by to pick up the rest of his belongings, and fell asleep while he was here and i took his phone and looked at his text messages and there was one he had sent to this girl that morning telling her that he loved her. I confronted him about it and he said that he only meant that like you would tell a friend that you love them, because they are friends and talk sometimes but that he is not involved in a relationship with her.
I said that even if I was gullible enough to actually believe that, does he not realize that it is the things he said and did prior to this that would lead me to believe that he IS involved with her and the text message would only serve to confirm my suspicions? But he still denies it.
Am I missing something here, or is my gut feeling on the right track?
My apologies for being so long-winded on this but I felt all of this information was relevant and required to get a complete answer.
