OMFG !!! I am gonna shoot myself (after I shoot God first)

"Be careful what you wish for."

I am pretty sure everyone has heard this statement before. And i am sure alot of you can match this very statement to one of your own personal experiences in life... Well, now i can add it to what is going on lately...

Remember me bitching and yelling and just going on and on about how no one wanted me, and i couldn't get a g/f ?? Yeah - I got really depressed. I missed all the attention I got from the opposite sex. I remember praying to God to let me have the attention back.

Well, after awhile of not getting the attention. I kinda gave up and started to move on with my life. Kinda gave up on everything, really.. Especially women.

I became independent. No longer needy of another to be around me. I had my friends and I was happy. Basically stated to enjoy the fact of being single.

Ok, so then POP ! - Ally comes into the picture. I met her online and we just kinda hit it off.. the weird thing was that I never meant for it to get as far as it has...

Then out of know where I am introduced to Elena thru my friend Nick. POP ! There is another one. Elena is hispanic, but perfect. 5'3", 115 pounds, B cup (at least that how they look), etc etc...

And remember my high school sweetheart that came back at the beggining of the summer, Andira ? Well, she decided she is gonna stay here and drop out of college in Florida... I freaked out !! She says she wants to stay here because all her friends are here... but I dont think that is the case. She is married, and I like her alot, and I know she likes me alot. But she is married !! well, engaged, but its all the same in my eyes..

Ok, so Andira is not really into the whole thing as much as the others, but she is there.. Ally and Elena are jealous as all ****ing hell of each other... I will be hanging out with Elena and Ally will call me and Elena freaks out and is all like "just hang up the damn phone" and stuff...

And when I am not around Elena and on the phone with Ally, she keeps callin Elena my g/f... So I know they are jealous just by the way they are acting..

But back to me - here I am stuck in the middle of two girls fighting each other basically.. And Andira just ****ing ruined her college just to stay here... I feel like I am just overwhelmed by it all and I want everyone to just disappear ! I like all the of these girls, and two of them I am really considering dating in the future... But sometimes I just feel I cant handle all of this anymore. I'm too old. I lost my mojo.

This isn't me anymore. I am not one to fight over. I am not one to recieve attention and 'eat it up'. I dont like this at all one bit. And I look up to God and remember my prayer. I asked for this. And I have recieved.

I guess this is just another lesson learned. Live and Learn.

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Elena is hispanic, but perfect. 5'3", 115 pounds, B cup (at least that how they look), etc etc...

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Damn. That sounds AWESOME to my ears . . .

I suggest picking one rather soon. Cause at some point, one will give up and 'not want you'. And then (although it's a slight chance), if you decide to go for the one that still likes you, and she finds out that this was AFTER the other gave up on you, she may get mad at being the 'second prize' or 'leftover'. So pick one. That's my advice.

Rod Steele

Thats just it - how do I know that these feelings I am having are because it is just alot of attention from different women... What if I am just not ready for another relationship and just thought I was... What if this is all in my ****ing head and none of them like me at all.. What if this is all just a dream ?

damn it... I'm doing it again.. what if this.. what if that....

**** it all. If I am supposed to pick one and drop the rest, then so be it. Elena is SOO my pick, by far.

I mean.. she is JUST like me, except a hispanic female. She's into rock, she's full of peircings, she's got that whole 'punk rock chick' look going on, she smokes, she drinks, we both do the same drugs (rarely, i mind you), she has the same personality, she likes the same foods, likes the same movies, she loves it when i drive really fast and do all my tricks, she loves to race, she hates clubs, she hates big parties, she hates big social gatherings of any kind,... I can go on for hours and hours.. its awsome ! but the best thing ever is.. when I catch her looking at me I turn to her and look her straight in the eyes, and she just smiles the most beautiful smile in the ****ing universe that just makes all my life's pains go away and all I think about is her and that beautiful smile... :love: ah, the pleasures of a smile can heal anything.

Ok... sorry to go all mushy on you guys like that.. thats a rarity in itself from me. lol.

**** it ! I understand my purpose that I have in play. Now I just have to get 'er done.. i mean get it done. lmao, thats funny, i dont care who you are, thats funny right there. :goofy: hehehe j/p, a little of my humor comming out because of my lifted spirits atm.

PEACE !

and welcome back alexi - I missed ya man.

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how do I know that these feelings I am having are because it is just alot of attention from different women...

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You don't. But go for one anyway.

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What if I am just not ready for another relationship and just thought I was...

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Then later on when you find out that you're not, you tell her that you're not, and you guys break up. Since you've only been in two relationships, I'm sure it might be hard, but you'll know it has to be done.

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What if this is all in my ****ing head and none of them like me at all..

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Then you'll get rejected. Plain and simple.

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we both do the same drugs (rarely, i mind you),

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Don't fall into another scenario like you did before . . . . cause you might do them together. And then do them together a little more often . . . etc. etc. You remember how it went last time . . .

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but the best thing ever is.. when I catch her looking at me I turn to her and look her straight in the eyes, and she just smiles the most beautiful smile in the ****ing universe that just makes all my life's pains go away and all I think about is her and that beautiful smile... ah, the pleasures of a smile can heal anything.

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Hmmm . . . I'd say grab a beer and stick your hand down your pants quickly. I'm starting to doubt your manhood.

Luck you to. And thanks for the WB. It's great to be back.

Rod Steele

WOW! Isn't that ironic?

Rather often people talk about that there is no point in trying so hard to get a girl/guy. When you least expect it, someone will come into your life.

Now if only you realised this a little sooner billy ;) lol. Might've saved you alot of sadness.

I'm happy your getting attention. Sometimes thats all we need to perk our spirits up.

As a reminder. Don't rush things and take each day at a time. Don't let yourself fall head over heals in love quickly... try to make your feelings gradually grow in a relationship.

After reading this maybe... just maybe I should not wish to get attention from girls. Especially with my exams around the corner...