I am in love with my best friend... what to do?

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05-12-09, 10:23 AM
Recycle

I am in love with my best friend... what to do?

But there is one problem... she has a boyfriend. However, he lives far away from her (but so do I). There is always some tension because of him; he is always suspicious of me. I promised her that I would never try to make them break up, even though I hate him. All I can do is wait…

I really do feel like she is the only one for me. I think it is real; I don’t love her only for looks or sexually. In fact, we met online, and I was attracted to her before I even saw a picture. And she is abstinent, so it’s not hormone-fueled lust. I like her for personality and… I’ve just never met anyone else who really cared about me. I’m really antisocial and I rarely get along with anyone, but somehow it is just perfect with her.

Yet, I don’t even know if she would ever love me… she has a boyfriend, so I never had any chance to find out. Sometimes it feels like she would never consider me because I am too young… she is 23 and I am 18. How can I tell if she would ever really like me? She says she loves me… but it would seem that she only means that in terms of friendship, cause we are best friends. How do I know what she really thinks? Would there be much of a chance that she will ever love me?

I am also planning to go to college in her area so that we could meet in real life after only being able to talk on the phone and online for such a long time. I live in San Diego and she is in Miami. My parents think I am ruining my life since UCSD and Berkeley are much better schools and Miami U and FIU, in addition to having to pay out of state fees. I really don’t know what to do… What if she never likes me? It is it the right choice to go to Miami? I want to finally meet her, yet my family tells me I shouldn't…

We always help each other with everything. She never got to finish high school... I want to help her get her diploma so that she will have more opportunity for jobs in the future. I feel like I would be betraying her if I didn't go to Miami. She always says that no one else cares about her future, so I'm really scared that she will never get things together if I don't move there...

What do I do?!

Thanks to anyone who responds (:
05-12-09, 10:57 AM
mountainhopper

Listen to your family!!! I cannot stress that enough.

She is just a girl that you have never met, and the only person who is going to help her pass high school is herself.

and the chances she will ever love you are very small.
05-12-09, 11:00 AM
lilly1185

Sounds a little like she's taking advantage of you.

Do avoid at all costs. Who was it that said they felt like they were training puppies and not to meet girls online?
05-12-09, 12:01 PM
Recycle

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilly1185 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Sounds a little like she's taking advantage of you.

Do avoid at all costs. Who was it that said they felt like they were training puppies and not to meet girls online?

It's not like I just met her online a few days ago... we're on the phone for 2~4 hours almost every day, for more than 2 years. I consider her as a friend in real life more than anyone else that I actually do know in real life.

I don't think she is using me. Last year, I offered to buy her a new computer because hers is more than 6 yrs old, yet she refused to accept that as a gift because it would cost too much. If she only wanted to take advantage of me then I think she would have told me to give it..

She never really asks me for anything... I just do things for her because I don't have any other way to thank her for always making me feel better. I used to be depressed and pessimistic almost every day, and she helped me get over that. There isn't anyone else that I trust as much as her..

I really don't think she would just be trying to take advantage of me, in what way could she be doing that?
05-12-09, 12:08 PM
IndiReloaded

This isn't a relationship, sorry. You are infatuated with a fantasy fueled by your own brain chemicals. You only know what you present to each other online/by phone and fill in the gaps with what you want to be true.

The reality of your situation together could be completely different.

What you do with this information is up to you, but you should realize these types of relationship rarely progress to anything permanent. Not what you want to know, but the truth all same.
05-12-09, 12:14 PM
lilly1185

Quote:

Originally Posted by Recycle [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

But there is one problem... she has a boyfriend. However, he lives far away from her (but so do I). There is always some tension because of him; he is always suspicious of me. I promised her that I would never try to make them break up, even though I hate him. All I can do is wait…

I really do feel like she is the only one for me. I think it is real; I don’t love her only for looks or sexually. In fact, we met online, and I was attracted to her before I even saw a picture. And she is abstinent, so it’s not hormone-fueled lust. I like her for personality and… I’ve just never met anyone else who really cared about me. I’m really antisocial and I rarely get along with anyone, but somehow it is just perfect with her.

Yet, I don’t even know if she would ever love me… she has a boyfriend, so I never had any chance to find out. Sometimes it feels like she would never consider me because I am too young… she is 23 and I am 18. How can I tell if she would ever really like me? She says she loves me… but it would seem that she only means that in terms of friendship, cause we are best friends. How do I know what she really thinks? Would there be much of a chance that she will ever love me?

I am also planning to go to college in her area so that we could meet in real life after only being able to talk on the phone and online for such a long time. I live in San Diego and she is in Miami. My parents think I am ruining my life since UCSD and Berkeley are much better schools and Miami U and FIU, in addition to having to pay out of state fees. I really don’t know what to do… What if she never likes me? It is it the right choice to go to Miami? I want to finally meet her, yet my family tells me I shouldn't…

We always help each other with everything. She never got to finish high school... I want to help her get her diploma so that she will have more opportunity for jobs in the future. I feel like I would be betraying her if I didn't go to Miami. She always says that no one else cares about her future, so I'm really scared that she will never get things together if I don't move there...

What do I do?!

Thanks to anyone who responds (:

Those things alone point to manipulation. Why would she be with someone who didn't care about her education?

Why would she love you, yet not let you know the boundries or what she means? You're still young yet and have a lot to figure out. Don't mess up your life for someone who may not be there tomorrow.

College is a great place to blossom, socially and educationally (of course). Forget about her. Really.