Am I overly jealous over her ex??
First of all forgive my bad English but I’m not a native speaker.
The ex and my girlfriend started dating five years ago, and broke up two years ago (she broke up with him), but they were intimate like a year ago.
We started dating 9 months ago, and six months ago we had a huge fight, because she was hanging out with him and I told her that I didn’t like that, the day after the fight I found out that he was trying to be with her again because I saw a text message on my gf’s cellphone (I know I know…) and she replied that maybe they should remain just friends, and I freaked out because the day before she told me that he didn’t have feelings for her anymore and stuff and obviously he did. So that day I told her that she had to choose between us, and that meant not talking with him anymore, she agreed, and never contacted him, except in extreme cases and she always told me when she did.
Well two months after that, she traveled to her hometown and celebrated her B-day there, that day she got very drunk and kissed another guy, I was able to find out by my own means and told her, she asked for forgiveness and told me that she didn’t even remember but a friend of her told her that It was true, she told me she was never going to drink again and etc. I decided not to break up. I also have to confess that during the first month of the relationship I also kissed other girl, and I told everything about her to my gf so I felt like I wasn’t in the moral position to break up with her.
Well after that I became more possessive and I started acting dominant and jealous over her male friends, forbidding her of going out with other guys to grab a cup of coffee or stuff like that, and she agreed, I also told her that I wasn’t happy with the idea of her going out alone with her friends on weekends, she accepted reluctantly and she told me everything about her and her past, and she told me she wanted to change because she loved me so much.
So everything went fine until 2 months ago, we started fighting she said I was a very possessive person, that she needed to feel free, and I was controlling every aspect of her life, and she told me that she wanted to break up because she felt like she was in a cage, and that she accepted the previous situation out of guilt for kissing the guy.
So I told her that she had a point, and that the break up wasn’t necessary because my trust was rebuild and that the limits were going to disappear, even thought I wasn’t completely comfortable with the idea.
So I agreed when she said she needed to resume contact with her ex, because he was one of her best friends and bla bla bla, so she began to start talking with him on November, they actually hanged out a couple times with other friends of them, but I accepted it. I told her that they could be friends, but I wouldn’t accept the fact of them being best friends and hanging out alone, and she said it was ok.
So she is in her hometown again, and I was calling her, and she sent me to voicemail, I called her again 5 minutes later, and she answered, I told her: “who were you talking with? “ and she told me that she was talking with her ex, and that she spoke with him two days before, and I told her that I wasn’t very happy with that, so she became very angry, and told me that they actually spoke the day before also, and they were going to speak a lot in the future, and I said that it was ok, but I wanted her to tell me when she did, and she said she wouldn’t do it, that I was nobody to tell her what to do, and that she wanted to be free and that she wasn’t going to give me a description of every single phone call she had with her ex. And now she tells me, “do I ever ask you not to talk with your ex?” “Or not to meet her?” Because is easy for her to say that because my ex-girlfriend is from Taiwan and I would need to fly 16 hours to meet her.
Well yesterday she also incidentally met with the guy she kissed and I found out, and I asked her, have u seen that guy lately? And she said oh yes, I saw him, and I told her why didn’t u tell me? And she replied the same thing, as before, I don’t have to tell you of every time I see them!
I told her that it was ok, and that I was going to give her exactly the same freedom that I have. But I wouldn’t like to be abused, and I told her that if that was going to be the case she better told me at that time, and we could just break up.
I know that this doesn’t sound to good for me, but I feel that my girlfriend has deep resentments against me and wants to be close to her ex out of spite and I know that her ex is more than willing to get close to her, also. I know that I did wrong, because of my insecurities and I love her very much, and I treat her very well all the time, and that is the reason why I changed which is very difficult for a person in my culture, but now I feel that she is testing me, just wanting to see how much I will take for me to keep her, but I don’t feel comfortable, and I don’t know if I’m the only problem, if I am I want to throw away this burden, because I don’t like being alert all the time but maybe I put myself in that situation… I don’t want to be jealous, but I can’t avoid it… before I met this girl I never was…
