****ed up story :) Enjoy!!

Just want to share with you guys a part of my life, I'm tired of not speaking with anyone! Don't bother with advice, just want to spill it out once and for all!!

Let's begin with some background...

About a year and a half back I was dating this guy, there was nothing serious, we just hung together and did things together, it was a wonderful time, but I always knew it would never last cause we had different priorities in life...we had and amazing 10 month relationship and then I decided to move on, however we remained really close - the bestest of friends one could imagine.

About 3 months ago, this guy introduced me to some new friends of his. We began to hang out together and on a drunken night, me and his friend had sex. And we really enjoyed it. However, I knew that the guy I had been dating before still had some feelings for me and would be mad if he found out. So, we continued meeting in secret.

And its really becoming awkward. Really. Its like, spending a whole day at his house having fun on his bed and then meeting up with all the other group of friends and pretending as if we don't know each other, not to raise suspicion. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a film and I have to act all the time and be careful what to say not to give myself away. I know what I'm doing is not good as if my ex (so to say) found out would be really hurt and mad, but I can't stop doing it cause it feels so good!!

I really love my ex and a day doesn't pass by that I don't phone him to check up on him, or meet with him for a beer, and it is eating me inside that I can't tell him about this as I usually tell him about all the encounters I have. Once I tried to tell him whats happening, but when he guessed it he told me that he would start taking drugs again if it was true, so I said that I was joking and I could see the relief spreading across his face.

And even, this casual relationship thing, its weird! Has anyone out there ever done it and survived it without getting hurt? What are the rules? At first it was fine but now, as I'm getting to know him better, its confusing me as one day were really close and then the next he doesn't even speak to me in front of the others...I know he does that to keep our secret, but it still weird!

To get things more complicated, sometimes my ex fights with me on small things and starts saying to me that his friend is a better friend then me. And I know its not true cause hes having sex with me!!

I know the simple way to solve all this is to stop seeing his friend and tell my ex the truth, but its not so simple as it seems!!