Circumstantial break-up

I've always been pretty level headed in my relationships, and so when this one started it just felt like the one to end all of them. Like I was to experience my last first date (this is what he always said).

I just never realized that I could ever love and care for someone like this for this long; it's been close to two years.

We've had our little tiffs just like any relationship, but they always got resolved and we said they always made us stronger. He hinted of a solid future together; that we'll grow old.

In the last year, I've been dealing with the very real possibility that he was going to go away for medical school. I've talked to him about it, but it didn't seem like he was facing that reality. I was always reassured with a "we'll be okay, I promise". I always thought that we'd cherish what little time we had together and work at an LDR.

So when he decided to break things off last week, I was confused and caught off guard. He told me that he recently got rejected from our local medical school, and he knew that he'd never be able to survive an LDR. Therefore, he wasn't willing to put in the effort to try, because he'd been in one.

Despite voicing minor reasons why he thought it would be better for us to end things now, it just seems like the bulk of why he was doing this was for his sake. He said that since he knows the end he can't go on (he starts med school in the fall of 2010), and he wouldn't be living and doing his best in med school if he always wanted to go home and see me. He said that if he'd been able to stay we would have worked out.

The most selfish thing is that he didn't even try to spare me for a week to finish my finals. It wasn't a day after the rejection that he decided to cut off ties.

It's confusing because I can say that I know him pretty well and this behavior; this selfishness is uncharacteristic. And my friends seem to echo that confusion because they've always known him as a caring, thoughtful guy.

He decided to stop talking to me, and I've been giving him his space.

But the cruel thing is, is that he says he loves me and that he'll miss and always remember me. Said that I was the perfect one.

Anyways, that's my story. I'd thought I'd share. It's been though, and I've been talking to anyone who'd listen.

I know it must suck for you, but he is right. Medical school and LDRs are not a good combo. In fact, relationships of any kind during med school = bad idea.

Besides, you know how it works, they become doctors, and then dump the women that helped them through med school.

Immerse yourself in your own studies - it will help divert your attention for a while.

Med school or doing a doctorate - I would say both of those make it very difficult to maintain a relationship at the same time. Sounds like he knew himself well enough to know that his ability to do well in school would suffer if he continued to be in a relationship. So, he had to choose - pursue his lifelong dream of becoming a doctor, or continue developing his relationship with you. I'm sure I know what his family and friends would tell him. It sucks all the same though, for sure.

And why he's completely shutting you out? Because I'm pretty sure if he maintained contact, he'd lose his resolve and be unable to keep himself from you. He's probably pretty broken up right now too.

It's frustrating because I'm sure there is an example in your life of it working. I work with a guy who's sister is in med school making a relationship work with her significant other. But he is doing this because he feels he needs to. If he didn't, he probably feels he might not be happy with himself, and if he isn't happy with himself, he isn't going to be happy in a relationship.

And of course he says he still cares and that is probably true. You want the pain to end, and it would be much easier for you to move past this if he said he never cared. Like you guys have both said, it will make you stronger in the long run, and you never know what the future holds. Forever is a long time, and I can almost personally guarentee that you guys will meet again. It is what it is, and there isn't much you can do to change it. Do what makes you happy.

I myself am starting pharmacy school next fall, and yet I've been working at reconcile with my ex by next summer. I guess it's not very realistic eh? It really makes me think.

My sister and her husband have been together for a long time - since she was 15 years old. He went to med school - they never broke up. Today they have two children and one grandchild. They are as tight as two can be in a relationship.

My ex brother-in-law is a surgeon. He and his wife met as undergrads. They never broke up - still married with two kids.

A friend and his wife: he - a Yale doctor and she - a psychologist - were high school sweethearts and are still married, still going strong - four kids.

This is possible if the love is true and the commitment is there.

A friend of mine has actually been in a LDR with a guy who has been in medical school for about 4-5 years now. He'll be finishing his last tests soon and they're going to get married after he's done with that. It's possible..