Should I keep pursuing?

Hi everyone,

Thanks in advance to those who are reading this!

I met this girl at grad school in September. We ended up working on a semester long project together, and we've become friends since then. We've met numerous times working until late at night. Sometimes we spend a lot of time just chatting about things instead of working. The both of us get along very well. We speak over the phone every few days, and we see each other in class a few times a week. Over this time I have developed some fondness for her, and you can call her a big crush.

Now, I admit that I have played it cool in terms of showing her my feelings, since it was very important that we maintain a good working relationship in order to do our best job on our project. I can't read her too well either, but I know that she is comfortable with me as a friend, if nothing more.

Our semester will be over tonight, and she's going out tomorrow with some friends for some much needed relaxation. She invited me to go out with them. It's actually the second time she has invited me to go out with her and her friends, but I had prior arrangements the first time.

My feeling is that she's inviting me out as a friend; nothing more, nothing less.

I've had some hunch that she's been "seeing" this guy for some time now, because we talk about certain things, and I just had a feeling. I met with her yesterday, and so it turns out she is "talking" with someone. They're not boyfriend and girlfriend, of that I am sure. She says that he's gotten to know him and he's nice, but he's an asshole when he's drunk. I felt like a ton of bricks hit me when it was confirmed that she was "talking" to someone, whatever that means. I, on the other hand, am a nice guy all the time ;)

So, what do I do? Should I go out with them tomorrow? Now that our school obligations are over with, should I just be a little more forward in pursuing her? She's only "talking" to that other guy, so does that mean it's okay for me to pursue her?

Should I go tomorrow? I'd like to, at least I would see if she's just being friendly or whatever. And it would be great to just hang out and meet some new people. At the same time, I'm a bit hesitant. Sometimes I think about asking her out on a date and if she says no, I'll move on. Anyways, I'm just a bit confused. If I end up asking her out and she says no, what are the chances of us staying as friends?

Confused but confident in myself,
Dan

Why would you not pursue her immediately now that you are out of your conflicting obligations? If you do not pursue, you will never get her. That's the problem with the nice-guy attitude: since you never pursue, you never catch either. If you don't make your romantic intentions clear, there is no reason for her to consider you anything but a friend.

I would tell her something like, "I'd enjoy hanging out with you and your friends, but to be perfectly honest, I haven't been able to get you out of my mind all semester, and would much rather take you out to dinner alone. You know there's a chemistry between us, and I want to explore that. No, screw that. I'm going to sweep you off your feet. What do you say?"

Asking her on a date might affect the friendship, but it's not friendship you want. If a friendship were all you ever had with her, you'd be forever frustrated and resentful, especially if it meant she started dating angry-drunk-boy. So you really don't have anything to lose, and everything to gain. You MUST take risks if you ever want to have an actual relationship with a real girl.

Hey Peter, thanks for the advice. Youre definitely right; no risk, no reward. I would likely just feel very awkward hanging out with her friends, especially if drunk boy might be there. I think I'll do it tonight if i can get a few minutes alone with her.