do you think she cares? what can i do to fix this situation?

hi
this is more of a friendship thing but involves a person i once liked and need input on. i talked to this girl for over two years. i thought she was cute when i first saw her and i could tell she liked me also before we started to talk and as we got to know each other. she admitted to me once she would've gone out with me at the time depending on how i asked. i never did though because i was a bit insecure and said something awkward that led to there being some friction. she was upset but still willing to talk. i was avoiding her out of shame so we didn't talk for a while.

many months passed and i saw her again and we started talking like nothing happened. she seemed happy and glad and said not to worry about what had happened. unfortunately even during this fresh start i still continued to make things difficult by saying and doing things i shouldnt have (still dealing with some insecurities and issues i had at the time). during this time there were lots of conflicts that i caused and she was mad at me plenty. i told her more than once i'd leave her alone and stop talking to her if she wanted, all she had to do was say so, but she'd only get more angrier when i brought this up and ask me what my problem was. i was surprised she still talked to me because she said she could hold a grudge and not talk to someone because of blatant disrespect or making her feel uncomfortable and i crossed that line many times and she never once even ignored me or anything.

i don't know why she put up with me so much. i told her once i was surprised she did and how she could after everything and all she told me was something like she even surprises herself sometimes. when there wasnt conflict we actually got along very well but i also realize there is so much a person can take. i doubt she likes me as strongly as she did when i first met her because so much has happened that has made me look bad over time, but i think because she once did like me is the reason why she has given me so many chances. i'm pretty sure if that wasnt the case she would've told me to f off a long time ago.

i've already wrote quite a bit so i'll try to wrap it up. because of me messing up so much i figured she probably didn't care, why would she want to talk to me after everything so i decided to avoid her. a few months passed and i was studying for class when she saw me and came up to me and asked where i had been, why i don't go online anymore, what happend to my facebook etc. she isn't stupid, i'm sure she had an idea of what was going on but i gave some excuse at the time. we talked a bit more and she told me to keep in touch with her. i told her i would but didn't. over time i started to feel really bad. she was really cool and i missed talking to her. i did happen to see her a while back but we just walked by each other like strangers and didnt say anything. she got this weird look on her face when she saw me, i guess sorta mad? probably because i didn't keep in touch with her....and i don't blame her. i realize i was an asshole and i feel really terrible about having hurt her those times in the past. she is a great girl. i miss her and i would really like to have her back in my life, even if it's just as a friend but i'm not sure how to go about it or that she even wants that anymore or cares at this point. thanks for reading

write her letter.

i think talking to her isn't going to make her believe you anymore than before for the simple fact that you both did that and you messed it up. I think it's possible that you may not be able to say the right things in person or on the phone because there's always a chance she'll interrupt you and say something that will throw you off guard.

So to ensure that you say everything you need to and to make sure you say it in the right way, write her letter.

Make sure that in this letter you firstly APOLOGISE to her. You have avoided her and you haven't kept your word in staying in touch with her so you need to apologise to her. Tell her you know you've made mistakes but that over time you've realised that you miss her and that you was wrong.

Remind her of good times you have had and remind her of how happy you both were. Let her know that you enjoyed those times and let her know exactly what it is that you miss. Then tell her you want her back in your life even if it is just as friends. But let her know that you understand if she doesn't want to talk to you but that you had to let her know how you felt later rather than never.

Good luck.x