Confident. Confidence??!

I am a 22 year old male and have a problem being the first to flirt. Any relationship I've been in was initiated by her as far as I can remember... I am funny, witty, and delightfully eccentric. I think I'm pretty sexy too. I know girls sense this but once I get quiet around a girl it becomes a disease that is difficult to overcome and I feel that my innability to assume there is an "appropriate" opportunity to flirt will continue to be my downfall in the pursuit of a decent relationship. Being around other guys at the same time doesnt help either but it's been so long since I've ben on my own around girls that I can't remember how I would normally operate in those circumstances.

There was a time I had SUCH command in a group of only girls that my success rate was impeccable. Times have changed, and as I said before it is difficult for me to remember portions of my relationship history, particularly before the steady relationship happened.

My strengths are quirkiness, observation, sensitivity, and essentially an endearing "nice" attitude. Perhaps these are weaknesses? My personallity is that of an overgrown child with a firm grip on responsibility and undeniable wit and intellect. I feel like I'm more successful when my pursuit of a girl is whimsical and almost dreamlike but after I stopped drinking and living in a dream of my own this approach has seemed like more and more a part of that dream as well.

I really hope my thoughts we're helpful enough in allowing any girl to help me with some advice.

Maybe I should ask: What do women perceive as confidence in a guy?

Well, you get a sense that a male is confident when his posture is good and he moves with long, purposeful strides. His posture is open and masculine rather than withdrawn or feminine (avoid crossing arms over chest or standing with you hands on your hips). His eyes will meet yours, and will hold your gaze until you look away (but don't stare, because it's creepy), and if he DOES meet your gaze, he might smile out of embarrassment, but won't look ashamed for noticing you. When he talks to you, he (again) won't be apologetic for trying to converse.

That's just a start.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well, you get a sense that a male is confident when his posture is good and he moves with long, purposeful strides. His posture is open and masculine rather than withdrawn or feminine (avoid crossing arms over chest or standing with you hands on your hips). His eyes will meet yours, and will hold your gaze until you look away (but don't stare, because it's creepy), and if he DOES meet your gaze, he might smile out of embarrassment, but won't look ashamed for noticing you. When he talks to you, he (again) won't be apologetic for trying to converse.

That's just a start.

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Interesting... What I've gathered from this advice I have put into action, with some success I suppose. So thank you!

I still feel as though I am more of eye candy for the women I encounter.

Any tips on breaking the ice?

Most of my encounters are in fellowship situations or at live shows and bars. I don't drink at all so I haven't been very conscious of hanging near the bar, or offering to buy drinks for girls. I also have issues 1)Knowing whether girls are single in groups of guys and girls almost in equal ratios [girl:guy] 2)Realizing a girl is interested as quickly as they may like me to respond [before words are exchanged] 3)Smoking when I am at a loss for words and actions; all of which I feel are causes for countless opportunities to pass by, which can be a good or bad thing I guess.

Frankly I think I'm hopeless at times, other times I would never admit anything so egocentric. Sorry my brain is spilling out of my fingers...

Some of that stuff you are just gonna have to take a chance on. There isn't really any way to know if a girl is available unless you ask, but she might use encouraging body language if she is interested (smiles at you, holds your gaze briefly, arms not crossed, etc.)

Be bold. That's what confident guys do. Ask her to dance (assuming music is available) or to play a game of darts or pool (or whatever kind of entertainment they offer).

Speaking as a nurse now, please stop smoking. Not only might it alienate a girl who might otherwise be interested, that shit will kill you.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Speaking as a nurse now, please stop smoking. Not only might it alienate a girl who might otherwise be interested, that shit will kill you.

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This made me smile, and think. It's on the to do list: stop slowly without risking overstressing my smoking addiction and turning to other various dangerous and irrational destructive behaviors.

Thanks again! Now feels like a prime opportunity to stop being so delusional and believing that I'm too cool to be outgoing and bold enough to approach people dance and risk rejection and being laughed at I suppose. I'm really not a dancer and I don't pratice because I'm too effing cool. Know what I mean? :french:

conversation starting is easy, just be creative and don't dawdle. You'll have much better luck if you just go with your gut instinct on a women's positive vibes and start talking.

Talk about anything currently situational and then move it to a real topic if you think it's going well. For example in the airport earlier today we were all waiting around and some girl I just walked up next to made quick eye contact and smiled. Went all in and asked if they had started boarding yet. We went back and forth a bit and had a fun conversation.

Just go in with no expectations and don't give yourself enough time to think about all the bad stuff that could happen, then won't. Promise you it won't, women love to chat.