Does he really see a future in our relationship??

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26-12-09, 06:44 PM
dreamergirl

Does he really see a future in our relationship??

Hi everyone, I'm new here, would really love some advice!! I've been seeing a guy for 5mths now. Things moved pretty quickly in the first couple of months, probably partly because we've been friends for a few years now and have always had chemistry. Anyway, after about 6 weeks or so he said he was in love with me, and I am really falling for him too... And we have incredible sexual chemistry, it is... amazing. The thing is, that is all we seem to do! I mean, we've gone on a few dates and so on, but i'd say around 90% of the time we spend together is in bed.

I don't really want a relationship solely based on sex, however, and I told him this. I also don't see the point in committing to someone without seeing some kind of future together. So, I asked him whether he saw us as having a future, and now I am stressing about his response. This is what he said (in an email) - 'I could see it. I don't think about it much to be honest, but I know how it feels when you know there isn't a future and I don't feel that with you, I see potential for more for sure. I feel good with you'

What does this mean??! I realise that the future is always uncertain, but I need to know that there is at least the potential for something long-term, and I'm not convinced by his answer really. Confused!
27-12-09, 12:06 AM
shheadz

This sums up most of the relationships I had through my 20's. He says he hasn't thought about the future because he hasn't. He's living in the moment and having fun. In my opinion it's a little too late to decide you don't want a relationship with him based solely on sex, because that's the relationship you've established with him, and that's what he's come to expect. You really need to ration out that p*ssy early in the relationship -- even if you want it just as bad as he does -- or the guy will see you as nothing but a sex object.

I'm sure he does care about you... in much the same way he cares about his car. You can try taking the p*ssy away from him now, but I wouldn't expect him to stick around.
27-12-09, 07:05 AM
dreamergirl

hey cheers for your response. I tend to agree actually. This was my initial feeling. I've had two long term relationships - one in high school for 3&1/2yrs and the other in my early 20's for 5yrs, plus a few flings in between. Both of those relationships didn't have sex as the main focus. Sure, we did it a lot, but there was a much bigger focus on getting to know each other... and with the 5yr relationship, we didn't do it for the first 3mths.

Now im late 20's and I really don't want to waste my time with relationships that are going nowehere... does this mean I am meant to wait before I have sex with every potential new partner??! I understand the logic, but it seems rather draconian... It kind of just happened that way with my past relationships - it wasn't a deliberate effort or anything.

I admit I find it hard to resist sex these days when I am really attracted to someone, but I spose there are real advantages and drawing it out - it can be even more fun and intense that way. Plus if it increases the chances of staying together, that is the whole point really.
27-12-09, 07:26 AM
shheadz

Quote:

I admit I find it hard to resist sex these days when I am really attracted to someone, but I spose there are real advantages and drawing it out - it can be even more fun and intense that way. Plus if it increases the chances of staying together, that is the whole point really.

In this case you can have your cake and eat it too. I just started seeing a girl, and we had sex on the first date. Of course I sensed a good thing, and tried to get her over to my place a couple times after that, but she was smart enough to say "no, maybe another night". I know she's really into me, and she's playing hard to get, but now I'm cooking dinner for her on Monday! See how that works? I'm still going to do dirty things to her Monday night, but she's established some unspoken ground rules for our possible relationship. Those rules say, "Hey, I like sex as much as you do, but if you think I'm just some girl you're gonna f*ck, you can take a hike."