Possibly the most f@%^ed situation to grace these pages?
This will be a long post, but I need to vent and I need solid advice more then ever before.
I am a 23 year old male. I work alot, "have my shit together", and I'm going places career wise. It hasnt always been this way though. Out of highschool, I dabbled in junior college, then took the infamous Year Off. This turned into 5 years off to engage in heavy partying and doing nothing with my life but getting into drugs and underground parties.
Anyway, when I was a senior in highschool, I had a reputation as being a player, cycling through young girls who though I was the shit cuz I spin records and throw sick parties, blah blah typical highschool bullshit.
I met this girl at the mall who caught my eye like none other had at that point. I was very antirelationship at this point. To sum it up we end up together as bf/gf, which at that time was realy saying alot about how I felt about the girl, cuz I NEVER wanted to be tied down. Point is I liked this girl strongly.
We had a rough one in some ways cuz of the rampant drug use and partying all over the place on my part. She was a virgin and me being a douchebag always tried to pressure her into giving up the booty. Not harshly or anything just always making sure she knew I was chompin' at the bit for it.
I end up breaking up with her after 4 months of dating saying that she is too young and not ready for this, cuz "as a guy I have needs." Its not that I didnt have strong feelings and care strongly for her, I was just incapable of a healthy relationship cuz of my issues (i compare it to a retarded child with a kitten he loves....but cant properly care for the creature no matter how strong or good his intentions may be-this is exactly how it was).
I really really hurt her on this one. She was gonna give it up after just one more month, I found out later.
Anyway, my brother who is a year and a half younger then me, starts hanging out with her alot, being her crying shoulder. I find out after a couple months that they are actually starting to date. Now i know this is her immature way of trying to get me back and make me feel some sort of pain too.
I flip out on my bro, in disbelief that could and would step on my toes like this. My memory is hazy about this time but he asks if he can date her, and I say pretty much to the effect of go ahead, but peace out, you lost your brother on a certain level (if you know what I mean)
They have been dating the past 4 years and have fallen in love with each other. My bro was her first (sex). We have all grown tight together, and this girl became one of my best friends (whom I have always had strong feelings for, but buried, out of respect for my bro and just never thinking of going there. I have always sensed vibes from her and known her feelings for me never stopped, but its never been obvious, just subconcious stuff she doesnt know shes showing.)
Ive got to witness my brother introducing her to drugs, cheating, getting her pregnant 3 times and leaving while she is pregnant, physical abuse (twice black eyes), but most of all emotional abuse and not having the capacity to treat her like the amazing girl she is. He down talks her, disappears, makes her feel like and idiot, dumps his massive anger problem on her, etc. Basically a spitting image of our father and how he treated out mother for the 20 years they where married.
Now I might have ****ed up in the begining, but I have always treated this girl like I would treat any of my best friends. Love, respect, care, etc.
So theyve broken up numerous times over the past 2 years, but ALWAYS get back together after a couple weeks to months. Its like they are codependent, or addicted to each other, like something seperate from the love they have for each other (if anyone can elaborate on this phenom, please do).
So they break up "for good" in April of this year. I have been Dr. Phil to both forever and trying to show them that from my point of view even if they love each other, it doesnt mean they should be together, and that they need to grow apart as people.
Long story short, they break up, but since she is a best freind of mine, more like my BEST friend other then my bro, we hang out alot.
So we get all ****ed up one night, her friend, her, and myself, and end up playing this sex board game called Lust. I played hoping to get with her friend but the game took it to between my besty and myself. At this point we are both so fubard that our deeply buried feelings win and we say **** it.
I end up wrecking her and her gf all nite....but we promise to not let it come between our friendship. It was a feeling of "FINALLY!" cuz of all the underlying sexual tension that had been lurking below.
So we get drunk a week later and ****. Then again. And again. We freak out cuz she cant do this to her "true love", my brother, and I feel like I'm going to hell. The guilt was crushing. She needed a place to live though so being an idiot let her stay at my pad.
So we end up living togther for the past 7 months. Other then the huge elephant in the room, its been so rad. We get along awesome and click on every level. We are best friends and lovers. She doesnt know what to do with herself (in a good sense) because she has never been treated this well and has never had a relationship flow this smoothly and be as gratifying on all levels. She started hanging with my bro again about 2 months into our relationhip, which I didnt like but decided I couldnt keep her from pur other best friend. So we all start hanging again....which is horribly awkward but I have no choice but to save face. And my bro is knwoing shes living with me but trusting me/wanting to be blind.
He finds out a month ago from a neighbor that we are a couple BUT the twist is:
Theyve been ****ing again for the past 4 months, behind my back.
Im crushed. I feel used, cheapened, etc. I decide not to ditch her though (as an idiot, but Ive come to love this girl.)
Anyway im getting tired of typing, so im gona condense the rest.
My bro ends up forgiving both of us saying we are his only two loves in life and doesnt wanna lose us both.
So they talk a week and a half ago, and she comes home basically saying she is not gonna be sexual with me cuz it hurts him too much. Im crushed again, but at the same time of course I dont wanna be hurting my bro anymore then I already have either. We still proceed to have sex anyway for the next day or two. I tell her if she is really gonna do this to me she betterr make it work with my bro and i tell him he better not **** this one up again, cuz now I am deeply in love with this girl.
I am in love with someone I can "never" be with. I am so hollow and depressed. I treated this girl like a princess. She even told my bro that I treated her better in 6 months then he ever has.
It hurts to see her but I miss her so much. I was left so high and dry and she knows this and its killing her cuz she loves me as well now, but she says my bro is her soulmate so she has to try again if he wants. She basically said she had to make a desicion rite then and there at their talk and that she cant hurt him, and he said he wants to be with her and move past whats happened.
wtf gives?
im a perfect guy and he gets her. im so hurt and crushed I havent even slept at my pad since this went down cuz the memories are too bittersweet.
and i just found out that he has already lied to her about hanging out with another girl she strongly dislikes. so its off to the same shit again which kills me cuz I see the girl I love yet cant have lining up for more heartache, and my bro told me he was not gonna **** this up this time, and hes already pulling shit. I talked with her yesterday and she was reluctant to tell me, but she told me how ****ing confused she is now, but at the same time feels she needs to stick by her decisions and cant just go back and forth.
can people think they are madly in love but it really be something more unhealthy like codependence/addiction/attatchment?
I have more to say but this should be a good start.
