New here....Sad, but making it slowly
Hi everyone! I am so glad that I stumbled upon this board.
It helps to read through some of your stories and know that I'm not alone in feeling sad and confused. I came here for some encouragement and hope to uplift some of you, too.
I was in a relationship for not quite 3 years and it really seemed to click naturally. We started dating and became great friends and then fell in love. Our children from prior marriages loved us being together, too. Even though we had the love, chemistry, and friendship, we had difficulty moving things to the next level because of some unresolved issues in my opinion. At one point in time, he had proposed but I said I wasn't ready because we needed to resolve some issues. I believe our issues were mostly due to his not letting go of his hatred for his ex-wife. He has so much bitterness in his heart and it carried over into our relationship. He has an obsession with money (suggested that he would expect someone to sign a pre-nup if he got married), was very jealous of my ex-husband, very critical about my job (again.. money related because he felt like I wasn't reaching my full potential), and could be somewhat difficult about other issues, too.
This relationship frustrated me in that basically he is a very good guy that was deeply hurt by his ex-wife and is doing everything in his power to protect himself. He has been divorced for a few years now, but his attitude has not changed towards his ex. He was never abusive to me and treated me very well in so many ways. He was very affectionate with me and did a lot of nice things for me while we were together. We were best friends, had a lot of fun, and our love was very deep at one time. I could always see the love in his eyes, but yet I could see the fear and confusion, too.
Long story short, we broke up and got back together a couple of times. Then, recently he called it off again saying "something was missing." I didn't fight it because I refuse to beg him to stay. My friends think he has quite a few issues and that he really did me a favor by letting me go. I am not sure...My heart tells me he made a bad decision. Everyone said he was crazy for letting me go. My friends tell me that I am educated, attractive, honest, caring, and fun so they truly think it was his loss.
The part that hurt the most was when he changed his Facebook status to "in a relationship" about a month after we broke up. He said he met her after we broke up. He never gave me a reason not to trust him while we were together, but it definitely raises suspicion on my end. Although, he has a lot of single friends so I guess there's a chance he could have been introduced to someone. I can also see him rushing into another relationship just to "get over me" and not have to deal with his feelings, but it was so hurtful. I don't know how you can tell someone how much you love them one month and then the next month be with someone else. I guess I am different in that way... I am dating myself, but I am taking things very slowly and have made it known to my dates that I want to be friends first. There are some great guys showing interest in me, but it still hurts not to be with the one who has your heart. All of my dates so far are practically chasing me so it does give me hope and they seem like they have a lot going for them. I had a lunch date on Christmas Eve and that guy said he was so happy that my ex ended things so we had the opportunity to meet. :) It was a really nice date and he wants to see me again. Tonight, I have another date with someone else that I previously met so we'll see how it goes...
By the way, my ex and I have had NC for 2 months and we are no longer FB friends. What are your thoughts on my situation? Why did he give up on us? My heart feels like we should be together, but I don't think it's fair to put my life on hold for someone that I think doesn't know what he wants. There's not a doubt in my heart that he doesn't think of me regularly (even if the new woman is still around). Our love was too deep to forget that quickly. We really had a unique connection and it baffles me that we are not together.
Thanks for listening! It's nice to get some of these feelings off my chest.
Happy New Year!