Finding a romantic connection

Hello everyone, I'm new and unfortunately inexperienced in serious relationships. =(

A bit about me, I'm 24, I've never been in a serious relationship (no one I'd call my girlfriend), and I'm currently going though college.

I've talked to my friend for about 3 years, she was going though a lot of rough things in her life and wanted someone to talk to and I was the one abet i was about 150 miles away. She has been married unhappily for a long time and had an affair with one of my friends from high school. She was looking for someone that she could get a real life and get out of the dead end town she was in, unfortunately he was NOT the one she should have chose.

Ever since she has been heart broken and something over time I've helped to mend. But unfortunately I've gotten attached to her as well and since she is afraid of anyone breaking her heart again (and so was I) I decided I would try my best to be the best person for her.

I love her and she loves me but we both don't know if we are IN love. She says she doesn't see the romantic connection, and I somewhat agree.

I REALLY want to make this happen and I don't care how much money it would take me, I want to at least give it a TRY. How can I find a romantic connection I feel like I'm promising the same stuff she tried and didn't work and that's why it's putting her off. But I'm trying my best for her, she is the reason I went back to school =/ Is this the Shining knight syndrome? Am I potentially screwed?