Ex "friendship"

Well, im very confused about my ex girlfriend...we broke up about 10 months ago and well at the beginning it was hard...very hard...she was my first love and still the only girl i've been in love in my life, i still love her. Well i had to deal with the fact of not being his boyfriend, fact is, she left me for another dude. I became very close to her as "friends", i do cried a lot of times when she told me all the stories about how great the other boy was, but i kept a smiling face for her.She even disrespected me a lot of times and insulted me, every time saying "sorry" was enough for me to accept her again. I even remember when my parents were about to divorce i didn't tell anyone but she, i remember one night when my parents where fighting i was crying with my sister and i called her cause i really needed someone to talk to and the only thing she did was to start laughing with her cousin about what was happening to me. I didnt talk to her for a month the she told me she was really sorry about what she did to me. We started being friends again and one day she even "accidentally" kissed me. I felt like i had my close friend back. When "he" did all kind of horrendous things to my ex i was there for her, for her birthday i even gave her a present she loved and even cried of joy, i mean i was happy just for the fact of seeing her happy. Well i haven't been able to start a relationship or even a friendship with someone to the level of my ex's, its hard and harsh for me, like been unable to move on. Her now ex boyfriend break up with her about a month and a half, it was so devastating for her as it was for me, i really felt sad when she called me crying and we spent the whole night texting each other, so we starting seeing each other more often and we even spend Christmas together, i told her how much i loved her and that it was really hard for me to see her sad and crying sometimes, she told me that he loved me too a lot...
But in the first 9 days of these year it has become hell again...some random guy is talking to her and obviously trying to get something going on with her, i really wouldn't care if it was someone good, but he isn't he even left a friend of mine after 1 year just because she effused to have sex with her...what kind of a guy does that?...well anyways she realized that but he told her that i was talking with him about her, which was false, and she told me everything from being a "jerk" "stupid" "pathetic" and that she "hated me". I show her all the proves that i didnt even talk with him. At the end he told her it was something he did to get rid out of me, so she apologized but i still feel bad. Now, i feel very bad these days cause my father undergoing surgery tomorrow probably cancer, my mom almost died from breast cancer 3 years ago and the memories of what we went through are ripping me apart. When i told my ex how bad i felt and what was happening her reaction was "you are so dramatic and its hard for me to believe you" i mean NO support or whatever at all!! so i decided today is the day...i feel used, stomped, betrayed and the truth is she doesn't care about me in any ways...i just need to know what you guys think cause im in a roller coaster of emotions right now...

Take yourself out of your shoes for a minute and look at the situation objectively because you're letting your emotions get the better of you.

She,
- breaks up with you to be with someone else
- disrespects you and insults you
- doesnt care about you
- is using you

the im sorry, the kiss, the friendship, thats all BULLSH*T. You've been more than generous in trying to be this girl's friend and trying to be there for her, but the fact is that she doesnt deserve it because she's not there for you as a friend. Its time to get over her and move on because she's only taking advantage of you and is walking all over you. I see no good reason to keep talking to this girl.

Sorry about your parents. Yikes, that's scary stuff.

As for your ex question, while I somewhat agree with Spades, I also think you haven't been upfront with your ex. I'm not surprised at the behaviour you are seeing from her.

Its obvious from your post you are still hung up on this gal. But you are trying to 'play friends' and haven't been honest about your feelings. She is certainly aware of it and it probably makes her uncomfortable. Sounds to me like she trying to maintain a distance by occasionally putting you back in your place. Its not nice, she could be honest about her discomfort also, but ultimately you are responsible for your own feelings.

I think you need to go no contact for a long while. Get yourself sorted out, mbe even a new GF. It may be possible for you to revisit friendship in the future, but not now.

I do really love her...but it seems she doesn't even care...i do really need to "let go"...any advices? :/ also...why do i feel alone? i mean i want to be happy being single ,i want to feel loved and respected, i'm not "ugly" and when around people i do socialize but it seems like "nothing" happens, i know i have a lot to give...