Hopelessly needs help.

Ok this maybe a long post. I joined this site for this problem inparticular,but also to help as much as i can to others.**BACKGROUND** I've always been someone who makes female friends more than male, not sure why just easier to talk to them. Alot of my friends trust me and ask me about the male point of view and i help them as much as i can, im one of these people that can give good advice but cant seem to work it out for themselfs. I've also maintained myself as someone who can have female friends and have it just be that. I also beleive in the proper way to treat a woman, with respect and equality (probably spelt wrong). Ive been hurt in the past just like everyone else. And ive promised myself not to get into a relationship if i feel it wont last. Because then people get hurt and i dont want to hurt anyone.

I got my job almost a year ago at a hotel in scotland. It was a new hotel so everyone was introduced to each other and had to do embarasing team building excersises. One of the first people i talked to was a woman who i will not name in the one in a million chance someone i know see's this post. She is italian and it was interesting to talk to her and about her country. But we didnt talk alot and back then, we were just colleagues. Then we had a week where we were on the same shift, so we talked more, we laughed we became friends. Then a few months on a guy who also worked there, started to get obsessed with her. She has and back then had a boyfriend for 7 years a fact that i knew and fact that made it easier to be friends with her, to know that she isnt thinking im just talkin to her for one thing(im not like that anyway). The guy started to cause problems and im not sayin that she was completly innocent in this situation. For a month things went on,nothing physical between them, but in my view he over stepped the line to try and get her attention. To give a background on my mistrust of this person is basicly: He moves alot from country to country, dropping any responsibilities along the way, he has mentioned in the past the many girls of his life and not friends,he finished with a long term relationship for selfish reasons. But i cannot paint you a complete image as i dont know everything of him. But from listening to and talking to friends has taught me is i can tend to pick up on certain character aspects of people. In my view he would of broken their relationship but wouldnt of stayed, instead breaking her heart twice. After some time of rejecting him he gave up and left. Then his visa ran out and he moved back home. After that her and i became closer friends over the months. To the point of our own inside jokes (you know that stage). At that point i admit there were feelings for her, but i knew it would be pointless to follow them,she had her boyfriend and after what the other guy had caused she didnt need that, she needed a friend that she wouldnt have to worry about that, and i was that friend. More recently her and her boyfriend have started to have problems. In all very reminisent of my parents before they broke up. Its odd how couples will do similar things as problems arise. They would argue and not talk to each other untill she was forced to say something to break the silence.he didnt take the first steps. He started to spend alot of money on boys toys,on distractions. They would go to parties where he would ignore her the whole time instead talking to other girls. Background on him. He is a pilot, spends alot of time away from home,ive met him, he was a nice guy but he was distant,had the look of child bored with shopping with its parents. She started to get really upset as it seemed to get worse. She has now decided to move to another country to aupair for 6 months to a year.but she wont be coming back to the job. I full in supported her decision as it is what she wanted and what she has talked about in the past.

However her moving has hit me so much harder than i thought. The feelings that i had been hiding have built up to the point where i feel lost. Not to sound corny but i havnt felt like this before. She means everything to me as a friend but also more. I just want her to be happy and if it is with her boyfriend when they work things out then i will continue to hide those feelings, for the sake of the friendship. It would be selfish to do otherwise. But if things dont work out i still dont know if i would say anything. I feel dishonest for keeping these emotions hidden, like im mistrusting her, im not being honest with her or myself. back to being corny but she has changed me, her influance on my life has made me think more about myself and what i want. She hasnt left yet, it is nearing her last week and as i stated im going mad. She is always in the back of my mind now, im confused,sad and want nothing but to just be in her company. When people have relationships (differs with some) but the initial atraction is looks then personality. With her as she was a friend first, i never looked to her looks, i feel that is why my emotions are so strong. She as a whole is what matters to me, not a vein attraction.

Her feelings towards me, i dunno. As i said im not good when it comes to judgeing things when it relates to my life. She has said many times that im funny and i enjoy making her laugh. We have had the late night conversations about my view on relationships, as she asked why i didnt have a girlfriend and that they (her, her friends) should find someone for me. The thing is, i could see it working. As i stated i wouldnt get into a relationship that would hurt someone.


Am i being stupid for just thinking of her feelings?
Am i being selfish for wanting to tell her?
Is it pointless to think that maybe one day in the future she might look at me differently?
What should i do?

In the end i will pick her happyness over mine.

Stop being a pansy...
Its not cause you find women easier to talk to... I am the same way
You are too invested in this girls life which you are not apart of...
If you want her, take her, don't tell her, show her

Otherwise move along and find some other lady to be yours...
[watch 'yes man' ... then just say yes to everything, anytime someone wants to go eat, go eat w/ them... this will expand your relationships in this new territory your in]

You're probably never going to get this girl. You're basically a Ken doll in her eyes. Learn this lesson now and take it forward with you so that it never has to be repeated.

Women decide within moments of meeting you whether or not you're a possible boyfriend. You need to start presenting yourself as a man and not a girlfriend.

No offence to doggod but i prefer gigbitches answer, but i thank you both for your input.