Think she'll be back? And should I even want that to happen?
I've mentioned in a few other threads that I've been in a 2 year emotional rollercoaster with a woman who broke up with me numerous times throughout, only for us to get back together repeatedly and for her to say that she wanted to marry me (right up until she broke up with me for the final time, about a month ago). I wasn't sure if I could marry her right now, but I didn't rule it out from happening down the road.
Her excuses for this trust-destroying pattern of breaking up were that she had trouble controlling her anger, she had a flight syndrome when she felt backed into a corner, and she was insecure and wanted to abandon me before I did it to her. After each breakup, she would often apologize profusely, professing her love for me, and I would always allow her back. We did have some amazing times together and we got along extremely well 90% of the time. That's what kept me from just letting her go every time she left me.
She broke up with me several weeks ago and told me to never contact her again. Like usual, and like a weakling, I tried to contact her repeatedly on the phone and thru email, but she completely ignored my attempts. After a few days of that, I reached a point where I finally gave up trying and stopped contacting her completely. Then after a week of no contact, she called me. I didn't answer and she left a message, basically just saying hello and that she was thinking about me.
After a few days I cracked and contacted her and we agreed to meet, just to talk. She seemed eager to do so. The meeting was awkward and I gave her the impression that I'd happily moved on with my life. She seemed surprised that I was so active after she broke up with me. She wanted to know what my intention was with meeting, and I told her I wasn't really sure. I didn't say anything about wanting to get back together, but neither did she. But I got the sense that she wanted to hear me say something along those lines. I didn't give that to her because she broke up with me, and I wanted to hear her finally fight to repair our relationship. But of course she didn't do that.
We ended our meeting and I told her that I would see her around, essentially. I could tell she didn't like the way I said that. I've texted her a few times since then, just lighthearted stuff, and she appears to be back to ignoring me again.
When she called me after a week of no contact, and then wanted to meet to "catch up," was she hoping to reconcile with me in some way? And now that I'm not begging to get back together with her, will she just stay away for good or should I expect her to contact me eventually again? Remember, up until a month ago she was talking about marrying and having kids. I'm really confused about whether I should even want her to contact me in the first place, because something tells me that this can't be salvaged. But I'm still in the mourning phase and miss her company. I'm very tempted to give in to weakness and reconnect with her. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks all!
Proud of you! Stay the course
Hi Rawhide--
You already know the answer to your situation because you have already been living it. Good for you! She obviously has huge committment issues and only wants you back when she thinks she has lost you.
I know you love and miss her but, in the long run, you don't want those kind of slices of craziness.
Stay strong and keep acting confident and happy on the outside. You'll keep your pride and, before long, you'll even find that confidence and happiness is genuine.
And, if you're anything like me, you'll even get just a teensy bit (okay, large amount) of satisfaction in her shock and discomfort at thinking you have totally moved on and don't want her anymore. Aaahhhh, but I am just wicked and evil that way ;).