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I've come to terms with myself and the situation in which my last relationship ended. Mostly. But I still have occasional feelings of bitterness and resentment that I haven't been able to shake yet. Is this a sign of immaturity or do I just need some more time to get over it?
I've had to get over a couple of serious crushes (no real relationship...but still). It doesn't really get easier each time, but you learn to live with the fact that -in short- life sucks ;)
Each time something like this happens, you get better in dealing with it and you're able to get over it faster. However, there are times when a memory comes creeping into your brain and you feel like shit for a while.
I guess you can never really avoid the misery, but you can use it to better appreciate the good moments.
or is all this just me?
Well put MP...
Spades.. time heals all. Lame but true!
If you tell us what she did, maybe we can help you better.
Our partners are not perfect, and they have made as many mistakes in the relationship as you (well for the most part unless you were some terrible monster). After all it takes two people for a relationship to ultimately break, and if you were like most, the last few months of it were full of fights and misery and both contributed.
What really helped me kill the resentment was to try and understand where she was coming from, why she was acting like this, where she was getting this from. Looking at your relationship with brutal honesty about your actions and how they combined with hers didn't work can really clear things up. This can help you forgive her and come to peace with it yourself. You and her both have flaws, both have things to work on, and this relationship has ultimately helped you become a better person. You will be okay without her, you will find happiness with somebody else if not with her. It's all a learning process.
I know it's not that simple and it's going to be brought up with little things that remind you of your relationship. It's going to take some time and as long as you put the energy you have towards things in your life that make you happy and a better person, it will be okay.
You should be thankful for that and be optimistic and bright heading into your next relationship.
We did have our fault within the relationship, and it was rough for both parties each in a way contributing to our own demise. But my leftover feelings of bitterness didn't come from the relationship or its end, but what happened afterward. In a way, you can say that I was very jealous and hurt. The reason I ask is because I really don't want to feel this way, but at the same time I'm still trying to be friends with her and sometimes post-break up memories flood my mind and I break down. I feel that what I'm doing is against the better judgment of this board by still keeping contact, trying to be friends, and ultimately setting myself up and making harder for me to move on. She's not a bad person and never intended to hurt me, and that's why I still want to be there for her.
Well spades is it bitterness because you don't like her any longer or what she did ?
Also you can't keep being friends with her believe me I tried and she kept in contact with me. You can't loose her and the feelings unless you stop torturing yourself. Once you do this it will be easier to look back at what went wrong and if you even want to fix it.
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Originally Posted by Spades_ [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
No, I still have feelings for her, but really didn't like the decision that she made and what she did. At this point there is no fixing the relationship beyond friends. What kind of issues did you encounter in your efforts to remain friends and why didnt it work out?
Remaining friends with someone after a relationship ends is difficult, and it's hard to not slip back into old habits, mannerisms, and step beyond the bounds of friendship once more.
Not to mention that most of the people you will date will feel uncomfortable with you keeping an ex around as a friend. To the point of feeling threatened.
My ex is the one after ending a three yr. relationship that insisted we stay friends. I told her that when I get dumped I disappear off the face of the earth and she said why, because of things like this.
I was an ass the first 2-3 days insisting knowing what the hell happened. Then I went NC. that didn't last a week she called or text me for hours a few times we talked for 14 hours straight about nothing basically. Then she would PLAY with my head, ask me oh what do you think of me now ? just BS.
The whole time she's being a whore looking for another lay. Then all this time her and her friends are out telling a million lies about me, she denied it until I brought up some things that she couldn't deny.
Bottom line they break up with us knowing what they did it wasn't a rash decision it was well thought out. They need us to get over us very quickly. If they honestly had doubts and they really loved us they would contact us and talk about it.
She did try to get back with me but after NC it's been 5 months now. I looked back and looked at her now and she's not the same person i was going to marry or would have died for. I would never date a women like her(now). I was very mean to her and she still sent the occasional text that I ignore.
Some her friends (all crack heads) now actually try to bait me into fights knowing I will be the one who gets in trouble. One of there hang outs was busted and they now blame me. She has crashed but I have no feelings for her right know, she has slipped to a new low and she and her kids will pay the price.
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Originally Posted by Spades_ [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I'm feeling bitter towards my ex, but I haven't figured out if it's warranted or not. Maybe I'm just being a big cry baby. I could use an outside perspective.
When we met neither of us had any friends, so we spent all our time together. We both knew we wanted more/any friends, so we started going out to bars to meet people. It was slow going, but we started to meet some people we liked. However we didn't really make any real friends. Just people we hung out with at the bar. So we were both hating life a little bit. I'm sure if we were patient, and kept chugging along, things would have started to get better.
She was an emotional mess while all this was going on for a lot of different reasons. She just moved into her first house, and was seeing for the first time how tough it can be living on your own. Her dad lost his job, and her family was broke. She had a lot of emotional baggage from previous relationships, and other parts of her life. There was also the abortion. Throughout all of that I tried to be as supportive as I could be. I listened to all her problems. I held her when she wanted to be held. I comforted her while she cried. I made more than a few mistakes in the relationship, but all in all I did my best.
A little over a month into the relationship she reconnected with some old friends that lived about 30 minutes away, and that's when I was pretty much kicked to the curb. She started going out with them on the weekends, while I sat at home alone. We were in the search for new friends together, and I stood by her through it all, but she left me high and dry the moment she saw a way out for herself. I wouldn't have done that to her. I was busy trying to build up some friendships with people I knew casually that we could both hang out with.
In the end I feel really used. My head is still a mess right now, so I don't know if my bitterness is warranted or not, or if I'm making something out of nothing. It makes me really mad that I still have strong feelings for her. It's like she got everything she wanted from me, and still has my heart.
I don't know your whole story. But the friends thing came up in our departure. My ex came from what she called an abusive relationship(marriage). She wasn't allowed friends she told me, she wasn't allowed out or to make phone calls.Quote:
Originally Posted by shheadz [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I never once held her back from anything, and now she has made all these wonderful new friends, most are druggies, they sit in local coffee shops for two days at at a time selling. Yes they sit and drink coffee for up 40 hours at a time never leaving.
I feel the same way, I was used big time took care of her and her kids for three years, got her some really good jobs through my friends. And when she felt like these slugs were her new friends she ran.
You have to step back, the thing that helped me was getting my RESPECT for myself back. Look at your relationship, what you put into it and what you got back. Also how she treated you after it ended.
My ex wanted back and I no longer have feelings for her and actually don't even like people like her. I had to be very cruel to get her to leave me alone and she now is retaliating and turning this into a bad situation were someone going to get hurt.
I for the life of me during our relationship could have imagined her doing any of what she is doing now never. She was as perfect a person as one could have been.
It's natural to feel angry after everything that you have gone through. How many relationships end so bitterly because resentment builds up when one is putting in all the effort when the other isn't? You feel like after all you have done combined with your feelings for her, you are owed a little bit in return. Keep in mind that isn't what true love is, giving to somebody and getting upset when you don't get it in return.Quote:
Originally Posted by shheadz [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I'm not saying that you shouldn't be angry, and you will feel it right now. But to me true love is giving that to somebody because you care about them and you want to give to them because it makes you happy. If they don't reciprocate that, it's sad and unfortunate for you as you can't really decide how you feel. If it doesn't work out with her, it will with somebody else. You do not have to stop loving her, but you will love somebody else. I've come to terms with the fact that I'm in love with my ex girlfriend and that I'm unable to do anything about it or have her in my life unless she wants to.
I guess it's a little easier for me because I was the asshole in our relationship and you were the one that put in all the work only to get shit on. Just trying to help..